


And Now We Just Sit In Silence

by ioverthoughtthis



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Angst and Humor, Bisexual Clarke Griffin, Clexa, Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love/Hate, Meet-Cute, Mistaken Identity, Modern AU, Modern Era, Neighbors, POV Alternating, Polis, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2018-07-11 03:15:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 67,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7026118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ioverthoughtthis/pseuds/ioverthoughtthis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa really enjoys how quiet her apartment complex is, but when a noisy new tenant moves into the apartment next door her dreams of peace and quiet get disrupted, literally. She would love to give her new neighbor a piece of her mind but she never seems to see them. She just knows it's some guy named Clarke because his obnoxious friends keep shouting his name in the hallway at 2am. </p><p>Anyway, Lexa has other things on her mind to deal with rather than track down some inconsiderate neighbor. Like this beautiful blonde girl she's been seeing around town. If only she knew her name...</p><p>Modern Clexa AU where they hate each other at first but also love each other and have no idea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is quite literally the first fic I've ever written so I'd love hear some feedback! This is definitely going to be multi-chapter, but I'm not sure how many yet. Thanks for reading!
> 
>  
> 
> Work title comes from the song Car Radio by Twenty-One Pilots

Lexa really enjoys how quiet her apartment complex is. Centered in downtown Polis, the twelve story building was probably at one point more grand, but it’s fallen victim to age and the newer buildings around it make it look dingy and broken from the outside. Still, the inside has not faired as badly as the outside and the apartments are actually quite large and decently maintained aside from outdated carpet and wallpaper that decorate it. Lexa lives in 12B so she’s met or seen every occupant of Tree Crew Tower as she rides the elevator to the top floor. 

The tenants are mostly geriatric men and women who run the gamut between friendly and hostile, but none of them are loud. That’s why she puts up with the fact that Indra in 12C smokes two packs a day out on her patio, making it impossible for Lexa to ever use hers. Lexa enjoys Indra, an intimidating 76 year old woman who grew up in D.C. and had a past Lexa learned not to ask questions about. Lexa also doesn’t mind that Gustus, from 4A, farts in the elevator every single time she rides with him because he always comments about how she reminds him of his daughter and he’d do anything to protect her. There are a few middle aged people in the building, but they mostly keep to themselves. She met one couple, Abby and Marcus, and their son Aiden the other day and they were pleasant enough. They chatted about the martial arts class that Aiden participated in and Lexa encouraged him to join the krav maga youth group she teaches at the gym down the street. She liked Aiden because he was respectful and spoke with purpose and confidence, which is rare for a boy his age. Kind of like herself, she thinks. She feels a little bad for him, being the only kid in the building. 

Lexa likes the silence though, it helps her think, keeps her calm. She’s lived in the building for eight months now and the noisiest thing to ever happen occurred when the doors to the elevator opened to the 7th floor and revealed an older man named Sinclair and a woman about Lexa’s age arguing passionately about the electrical system of the building. The girl, flustered, called the old man a coot who needed to upgrade his systems and maybe his brain as well, before stepping toward the elevator. She did so with a smile which told Lexa that this heated discussion was more friendly banter than warfare. 

“You’re going to burn the place down someday Sinclair!" She yells at him before she points to Lexa and asks, "Going up?” to which Lexa nods in affirmation. 

“Whatever you say Reyes,” Sinclair rolls his eyes and waves her off, closing the door to his apartment.

“Alright, cool,” She says to Lexa and walks inside, pushing the button for floor 8. 

The elevators in the building aren’t that old but the doors take ages to close and pushing the door close button seems to be more of a mental placebo than anything else. There’s a moment’s pause and the woman glances at Lexa before inhaling to speak again, casually filling the silence. 

“Sorry about that, I live above him and he’s always tinkering with something. Today he shorted out all my outlets. We have a love-hate relationship. He’s a genius though, just a little outdated.”

“Didn’t bother me,” Lexa says attempting a small, reassuring smile. She’s not good at putting people at ease. 

She nods and looks at Lexa, studying her face. She has a way about her that makes Lexa feel as if she could tell her secrets without ever have to ask a question. It makes Lexa slightly uncomfortable but the doors finally close and the soft ding of floor 8 follows shortly after and they open again. 

“See you around 12,” Raven says and puts her hand up in a goodbye gesture. 

For a brief second Lexa is confused and her eyebrows knit together, puzzling over her words but they finally register. 

“Oh, it’s Lexa,” She responds. 

“Raven,” She smirks as the doors close.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lexa notices something different on her floor a few weeks later, but can’t quite place it. She exits the elevator and when walking to her door gets the feeling that the air feels different, or rather, smells different. It smells much less earthy and vegetal than normal. Her neighbor, Pike, in 12A has an affinity for plants, filling the entire floor with the aroma of potting soil 24/7. She looks to the right end of the hall and sees that the two “welcome” plants normally stationed outside his door are gone. Indra’s door opens and she glances to her left with a questioning look. 

“Dead,” Indra says, with little feeling. “Cleaning crew came and went in an hour ago, must’ve taken away fifty plants.”

Lexa merely nods, not bothering to ask why or how. Pike was in his late eighties and far from friendly. He also constantly tried to get Lexa kicked out of her apartment because hers had more sunlight through the kitchen window that he wanted for his plants. All his attempts at this were futile because Lexa was a model tenant and the landlord constantly asked her if she’d like to be head of the building coalition, a group a people that work together to create a safe and secure community.

Two weeks later Lexa awakes to a huge crash which immediately sets her into panic. She grabs her knife from the side of her bed only to open her eyes to an empty room. When her heart rate returns to normal she realizes that the noise came from the opposite side of her bedroom wall, which she shares with apartment 12A. Multiple voices shout to each other, loudly enough that Lexa can understand every word. 

“Dammit Monty, I told you to be careful!” a male voice yells. 

“Blame Clarke not me! This headboard weighs seven hundred pounds,” 

Lexa looks over at her clock and groans, it’s 2 in the morning. She hopes this disturbance is purely accidental and closes her eyes again but seconds later there is another thud against the wall, coupled with more loud voices and grunting. She hears furniture dragging across the floor and shuffling of boxes repeatedly over the next thirty minutes. It seems every time she begins to fall back to sleep someone in the other apartment drops something or bangs something against the wall. The occupants make no attempt to lower their voices, as if it weren’t the middle of the night. At 2:46am and following another thump against her wall, Lexa loses her cool and bangs her fist against the drywall. 

She let’s out a sigh when she hears someone shushing the others, followed by silence. She lays her head back down and closes her eyes. A second later she hears it, soft at first, gradually rising in sound and tempo - the mocking tone of someone knocking on the wall. 

“Jasper! Stop it!” another voice scolds.

“What? It’s funny! They need to lighten up, we aren’t being _that_ loud...helloooo Clarke’s neighbor,” 

_Knock-knock na-knock_ he taps again. 

Lexa hasn’t felt this angry in quite some time. She can’t believe the nerve these people have. However, she refuses to stoop to their level and does not pound on the wall again.

“Come on Jasper, Clarke wants us to help in the living room,” 

Even though they moved away from her adjoining wall the three of them make so much noise throughout the neighboring apartment Lexa barely gets any sleep. She’s always been a light sleeper, a skill that has proved valuable to her until tonight. This guy is not making a great first impression, she thinks.

The next morning she wakes angrily to her alarm, completely exhausted. She spends the entire day at work cursing her new neighbor Clarke. He and his friends were so completely disrespectful and rude that at first Lexa has no qualms seeking vengeance even before properly meeting him. She would take Pike over this Clarke guy any day. Yet, the rational part of her knows that it was really his moving buddies, Monty and Jasper, that caused most of the chaos last night, so she decides to give her new neighbor the benefit of the doubt before taking this to the building coalition. She sucks it up at work and resigns herself to drink a few extra cups of coffee if it means avoiding a hostile tenant situation. Moving in is always a long process anyway, it was probably the end of a very long day for all of them.

After work she decides to treat herself to Chinese takeout and rides the elevator alone, her stomach growling hungrily as the smell of sesame chicken and lo mein wafts from the brown paper bag. She enters her apartment and tosses the keys onto the counter, opting to plop down on the couch and eat straight out of the container rather than get a plate.

She turns on her television and watches the news. Lexa likes to keep herself informed about the world, which is the main reason she has a TV. She doesn’t watch many tv shows. Part of it that she always feels like she could be doing something more productive. Normally, she would just exercise to fill her time, but now she does that for a living. She’s been back for 8 months and it’s been harder to adjust to this change of lifestyle than she thought. She’s found that reading feels more comfortable to her than watching movies or television shows and has read many different kinds of books. She enjoys learning about whatever she can so she reads technical manuals and nonfiction books often, finding it hard to let herself delve into the world of fiction. It’s too hard to believe the fantasy when she knows the truth about the real world.

When the news ends she turns off the television and opens her book about anthropological belief systems of western civilizations. Her lack of sleep catches up to her quickly though and she falls asleep on the couch only to be woken up several hours later to the low thump of music blasting from next door. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Lexa swears. 

Lexa picks up her phone and looks at the digital clock display, confirming her assumption that it’s too late at night to be playing music so loudly. It’s 1am this time, and Lexa is not having any of it. She walks to her bedroom wall and pounds against it. 

“Turn it down!” She yells.

The music lowers slightly, but just so. Lexa rolls her eyes. This isn’t a negotiation.

“Not funny! I will turn it down **for** you!” She yells as she knocks on the wall again, louder this time and finally the music ceases. 

This is how it goes for three weeks. Lexa finds that Clarke must never sleep because he is constantly doing things normal people do during the day at ungodly hours of the night. Showering, watching tv, listening to music, doing laundry, cooking - seriously how do you make that much noise with pots and pans?! There’s also a strange squeaking noise that Lexa can’t quite figure out, but she thinks it might be an elliptical or stationary bike that Clarke has in his bedroom. Whatever Clarke does, he does so with so much noise that Lexa is positive the entire building could hear it. Gone are the days of silence she so enjoyed. Gone are the peaceful moments to herself in her apartment full of senior citizens. She almost wished she had hearing aids so she could simply just turn them off like Indra.

The rational, calculated part of Lexa had hoped that a quick, calm and reasonable discussion in the elevator or the hallway could solve this, but she has yet to run into this new neighbor anywhere in the apartment building. Lexa has asked Indra multiple times for advice, to which Indra replied “kill him” which was supremely unhelpful. 

Lexa approached the building manager, Titus, after work one day and asked to file a formal complaint about noise level from 12A and the balding man told her that it took three separate noise complaints by three different tenants to issue a warning. She mumbles about that being a ridiculous policy, but leans against the desk in the lobby, filling out the paperwork anyway. When she looks up she catches sight of a woman she’s never seen before rushing down the stairs. She flies past Lexa in a blur of blonde hair, frantically muttering, which Lexa is pretty sure is just the word “shit” over and over again underneath her breath as she searches her messenger bag for something. 

“She’s obviously late for something,” a voice says and Lexa looks over to see Raven standing by the mailboxes.

Lexa just nods and looks back towards the doors of the building the blonde has long since left through. She was really pretty, she thinks, before handing in her noise complaint to Titus and walking back up to her apartment.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The gym Lexa works at has been in the neighborhood for years and is currently managed by a family friend named Anya. Anya’s family and Lexa’s family have been in Polis since the beginning practically, before the population skyrocketed and the University was built. They were there when the whole town was mostly mom and pop shops and everyone knew each other’s name. They basically built the town. 

With Lexa’s family gone, Anya is the closest thing she has to a sister. Anya has been a savior more times than Lexa can count and she is forever in her debt. Most recently, when Lexa found herself in desperate need of permanent, full-time employment Anya didn’t blink an eye when she mentioned her gym could use another instructor. Lexa now teaches mixed martial arts, krav maga, and boxing five days a week and on Saturdays she teaches a youth group and once a month she holds a free women’s defense class on Sunday. 

Lexa couldn’t help but smile when a few weeks ago she saw Aiden in her class and is very pleased with the level of skill he has displayed thus far. His experience in other combat classes puts him ahead of the rest of the students in raw talent, but krav maga is more a practice in mindfulness. Krav maga requires a knowledge of self that is hard for some stubborn and overconfident teens (and often adults as well) to overcome. You need to know your own limitations and weaknesses to fully commit to the technique. It focuses on being aware of yourself and your surroundings in an effort to _avoid_ confrontation, not initiate it. 

This dissuades many teens from participating, seeing as how they are merely looking to fight. That is what mixed martial arts focuses on - purely a show of explosive athleticism that is only beneficial when following the strict rules in the MMA ring. It would be useless in real combat or self defense. She teaches her class how the human body reacts to fear and stress, illustrating how to harness and control their body's natural reflexes. Her class learns patience, self-control, and respect above anything else. 

She only teaches mixed martial arts and boxing to appease the masses, not because her heart is in it. It was purely a business decision because she knew Anya needed popular classes to draw in members. Not that Lexa isn’t skilled in all the classes she teaches, she just believes in the principles behind krav maga. So she is pleasantly surprised when Aiden immediately takes her teachings to heart. 

Most days Lexa walks to the gym. It’s only about 10 blocks from her apartment building and she enjoys the fresh air. In the summer the entire city Polis is awash in the vibrant green of trees and the pleasant smell of flowers. She only teaches her youth group on Saturday’s and is off around noon so she often takes her time walking home, buying fresh fruits and vegetables at a farmer’s market a few blocks away or grabbing a smoothie. Today is especially hot so she decides an iced coffee sounds good and stops at The Ark, a coffee shop close to her apartment complex. 

The air conditioned building feels good against her hot skin but after she collects her iced coffee she decides to sit outside. There is something about a summer in Polis that has her bones aching to be outside whenever she can. She chooses a shady spot to sit on the patio and pulls out a new book, The Art of War. 

As she reads, a yellow-haired figure exits the building and promptly trips and spills their coffee all over the patio, along with their bag and it’s contents. Lexa glances up at the woman and immediately recognizes her as who she saw rushing out of her building the other day. She’s about Lexa’s age, with long, wavy blonde hair and her cream colored skin is tinged with a hint of red as if she’s been in the sun too long today, but Lexa thinks it might just be blush from embarrassment. Her features are soft and she has delicate look about her. That is until she speaks and Lexa is snapped out of her daze. The woman just stares down at her spilled latte and her bag’s belongings in disbelief for several beats. 

“ **FUCK!** ” the woman shouts in a way that is far from delicate. 

Lexa actually laughs before regaining her composure and converting the laugh into a fake cough. She sets her book down on the table, torn between pretending she didn’t notice as to not embarrass the girl further or walk over and help her. 

“I saw that laugh, you're not so sneaky,” the woman slants her eyes at Lexa, making a grumpy face that makes Lexa’s smile break through. 

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it. You just looked so defeated and you don’t look like the type to curse. You surprised me,” 

“I don’t look the type huh? Well you’re shit out of luck because I swear all the time,” the woman says with a smirk and Lexa grins at her. 

“Do you want some help?” Lexa asks.

“No, I’m fine thanks, I got it. Ugh, I just wanted some coffee,” the girl whines, a pout forming on her lips. 

The look makes Lexa’s heart melt. She gets up from the table and collects the plastic cup that’s rolled near her, glancing at the drink order before throwing the cup in the trash. Lexa walks inside and orders the blonde a replacement iced vanilla latte, bringing it out to her. She smiles at Lexa brightly, as if this were a grand gesture of some kind. 

“Thank you _so_ much, you have no idea how long this week has been for me,” she says as she looks into Lexa’s eyes. 

Lexa actual feels struck by how blue the woman’s eyes are. She’s reminded of the sharp jolt of cool air that hits your lungs when you leave your warm house in the dead of winter and you’ve forgotten just how cold it really is. It’s all at once shocking and refreshing. She thinks she might even have goosebumps, even though it’s easily 80 degrees outside. 

“I’ve been there, I hope the rest of your day is an improvement over this,” Lexa responds and gestures to the large spill that covers most of the patio. 

“Let’s hope so,” and she grins at Lexa for a moment before looking down at her phone. “Shit, I’ve gotta go, thanks again!” 

She holds up her latte as if saluting Lexa with it and hurries up the street. Lexa watches her walk away until she turns a corner, thinking for a second time that week about how pretty the girl is. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

 

Lexa wakes up Sunday morning surprisingly cheerful and well rested. Her inconsiderately neighbor must have decided to take the night off from professional noise creation because she managed to sleep soundly throughout the entire night. 

Indra goes to church every Sunday morning so Lexa takes this time to enjoy her temporarily smoke-free patio by reading the newspaper and eating a bagel. She can’t decide whether she wants orange juice or coffee so she has both, quietly enjoying the peaceful morning. 

Living on the top floor of the building provides a spectacular view of Polis, allowing her to see for miles. Now, in early June, the thick green foliage has completely overtaken the skyline. She’s also high enough that she can’t hear the hustle and bustle of the city below her, but not so high that she can’t watch the activity take place. She looks on as people are already strolling hand and hand through the farmer’s market, which is always the busiest on Sunday’s. There’s a playground a few blocks east, and although it’s empty now, the swings are swaying in the wind, almost calling for someone to join them. In a few hours the area will be full of people. The city square will be a mess of children playing in the fountains and people window shopping their afternoon away. 

She has lunch plans with Anya today, but it’s early yet so when she finishes her breakfast she decides to clean her apartment a little before she leaves. She puts pandora on her phone and turns on the bluetooth wireless speakers on her counter. They were her present from Anya for her homecoming and she hasn’t used them much. They are a set of four speakers so she has two in her living room, one in her bedroom and one in the bathroom. She throws a load of laundry into the washing machine and starts doing dishes as low bass pulses throughout her apartment. There aren’t that many as she’s opted for take-out the last few nights. When the song changes and the beat catches her attention. Nodding her head she starts dancing as she scrubs the plates. 

_  
I can feel  
I can feel  
I can feel _

When she finishes loading the dishwasher she walks over to the speakers and turns it up. She’s never heard this song before but she’s into it. She closes her eyes and continues to dance in her living room.

_Better days about to come our way  
Every day, a little more decay  
Live it up for the better days_

Looking at the clock she decides she’d rather take a long shower than deep clean her apartment before noon so she heads to her room, turning the speakers up again and bouncing her head along to the kick drum. 

_Your pulse beating slow  
Blurred visual  
Pull off the chain  
I, I see the glow  
Take off our clothes  
And give them away _

That’s when she hears it, with her arms above her head as she removes her sleep shirt. She pauses in that position for a moment, second guessing her ears. Nope, there it is again. The unmistakable knock against her bedroom wall from someone. An angry knock. One might say it sounded as if they thought the music were too loud. 

Lexa smirks. No, she downright grins as she turns up her radio. It’s 10:45am after all. The knock on her wall becomes a pounding and she knows it’s petty but Lexa can’t help herself. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, am I being too **loud**?” she shouts as she leaves her bedroom for the bathroom. 

It’s the most relaxing shower she’s had in awhile. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There’s a pizzeria near Anya’s apartment that has a lunch buffet and dessert pizza, so it’s really no question where they go for lunch. Lexa loves dessert pizza. Anya brings her niece, Tris. Anya’s brother is a cop and Tris’ mother works at the farmer’s market so Anya looks after Tris on the weekends. 

“Who’s at the gym right now?” Lexa asks through a mouthful of pizza. 

“Lincoln,” Anya replies and rolls her eyes slightly. 

There are three members of the Sage family that run Boulder Fitness. Anya, Lincoln, and Nykolas. The siblings inherited equal ownership of the gym when their parents passed away and rather than sell it they completely revamped it. Lincoln and Nyko both gave control of operations to Anya, as neither of them have much business savvy and Anya is a natural leader, but they each take turns looking over things on the weekends. Truth be told the gym is flourishing, in large part to Anya’s creative sense. The gym has appeals for every type of fitness from a climbing wall to parkour area. 

“What’s that look for?” Lexa asks, eyeing Anya’s expression. 

“It was Nyko’s weekend, but the new trainer is scheduled so Lincoln had Nyko switch him,”

Lexa smiles slightly at this. Lincoln is a quiet man, who always seems lost in thought but rarely voices what he’s thinking. She had seen him watching this new girl a few days ago and wondered if her instinct was correct. 

“What’s her name? Octavia, right? She teaches which class again?” Lexa asks.

“Yoga and a couple aqua aerobics classes,” 

Lexa laughs at this, because she knows that Indra recently signed up for the senior aqua aerobics class that starts in a few weeks. Octavia is going to have quite a time trying to get Indra to listen to her. Indra does what she wants. 

The three of them eat their pizza happily and Lexa pretends to be offended when Anya and Tris judge her when she gets up to get another slice of dessert pizza. They have three different kinds, she has to have one of each, it’s just rational. 

“Did you try the cherry one?” a voice says next to her as she shovels a cinnamon apple slice onto her plate. 

She looks up to see the perpetually late, constantly swearing, drop dead gorgeous blonde from the coffee shop standing next to her with an empty plate and a ravenous expression on her face. Lexa’s stomach flips, but that’s just because she’s still hungry. Even though she’s had two regular slices and is about to eat her third dessert slice. She’s obviously still hungry, that’s all. 

Finding herself unable to form words, she just nods vigorously and gives a thumbs up, like an idiot. The girl smiles at her. 

“Well, if it comes that highly recommended, I guess I’ll give it a shot,”

“You should,” Lexa agrees and slides her slice of pizza onto her plate before walking back to her table. 

When they leave the pizzeria she makes eye contact with the blonde, who is sitting with a shaggy haired boy with goggle-sized sunglasses on his head and another who is attempting to shove an entire slice of pizza in his mouth. The blonde’s eyes gleam and she points to her cherry pizza and gives Lexa a thumbs up. 

“Who’s that?” Anya asks.

“Just someone I keep bumping into,” Lexa replies, her stomach flipping again. 

This time it’s harder to find an excuse why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When will Lexa finally meet this elusive and noisy roommate??
> 
>  
> 
> I thrive off of feedback of any kind! I want to know what you think so please keep the comments coming! Thanks again for reading!
> 
> Song lyrics come from Better Days by Robert DeLong


	3. Chapter 3

Lexa suspects that Clarke might be a vampire. She’s never seen him during the daylight hours (well, she’s never seen him period) and he always seems to be awake at odd hours of the night and asleep during the day based on their previous interaction this weekend. Logically it just makes sense that he’s a vampire. Regardless, vampire or not, he continues to wake her up consistently between the hours of midnight and three in the morning. 

Monday at 2:12am he watches a rerun of _Friends_ , the one where Joey doesn’t share food. 

On Tuesday, she is pretty damn sure he is playing a ukelele at 1:58am. 

Wednesday at 1:35am she awakes to what she swears are the drums from _Jumanji_. 

Thursday afternoon, as Lexa enters the elevator and pushes the button for the top floor of the tower, Raven yells at her to hold the door, which is completely unnecessary because the doors take approximately seven years to close. Lexa holds her hand over the doors anyway though, as a sign of courtesy, her other covering her mouth as she stifles a yawn. 

“Hey, thanks,” Raven says as she boards the elevator with too many shopping bags in her hands. When she notices Lexa staring at them she explains, “I’m a one trip kind of girl. Do you think you could…” trailing off and gesturing to the wall of buttons. 

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Lexa pushes the button for floor 8. 

As they wait for the doors to close Raven eyes Lexa, an expression of mild concern forming across her face. Lexa doesn’t have the energy to ask why she’s looking at her that way. All she wants to do is take a nap. 

“Hey, no offense or anything, but are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I just haven’t been sleeping well this week,” Lexa explains. 

“I see,” Raven says as the door to opens to the eighth floor. As she exits a few of the bags slip from her grasp and slide to the floor of the elevator, a couple cans rolling to the floor. 

“Here, I’ll help you,” Lexa says and grabs a few bags, putting the spilled groceries back inside them. 

Raven smiles in a show of thanks and leads them to her apartment. Once inside Lexa asks politely where to set them but starts yawning again halfway through. Raven gestures to the kitchen table and stares at Lexa again.

“Anything I can help with? I know we don’t know each other that well, but you look like shit. Seriously, I think your bags have bags,”

Lexa manages a soft smile at that and a low chuckle. She appreciates Raven’s blunt delivery. Harsh, but honest. Raven nods as she listens as she explains her situation. She fills her in on Clarke’s noisy move-in, his incessant noise-making at all hours of the night, even him having the nerve to bang on _her_ wall the previous weekend, as if _she_ were the impolite neighbor. 

“You know what this means,” Raven says when Lexa finishes. 

“What?”

“You’re at war,” 

Lexa rolls her eyes and yawns again. Raven’s eyes are kind of sparkling and she’s lost in herself for a few moments. Lexa wants to politely excuse herself and go to her bed and sleep but Raven is mischievously grinning from ear to ear. 

“What are you plotting?” Lexa asks.

“Alright, so this neighbor, he seems to be relatively nocturnal right?”

“Yeah, and?”

“Well, you’ve already found out that, what day was it? Sunday mornings, he sleeps pretty late and you’re home during that time, so you should just be ridiculously loud. Flip the script, figure out when he’s sleeping and make his life a living hell,” 

“That’s a little petty, don’t you think?”

“Hey, all’s fair in love and war,” Raven winks. 

Lexa laughs and they spend the next hour brainstorming different ways to make the most commotion. At first the options are all reasonable, albeit noisy tasks that one could expect a neighbor to do. Things like rearrange furniture, hang things on the walls, watch tv and listen to music. Eventually the suggestions turn more radical partly due to Lexa’s sleep deprivation and Raven’s tendency to go for the extreme. These options include playing nature documentaries at full blast or constantly throwing a tennis ball against the wall. Raven suggests moving Lexa’s microwave against her bedroom wall and just perpetually making popcorn. 

“You could get those cheesy hanging beads and hang them against the wall that you share and every time you walk past just drag your fingers across them.”

“I could take up drumming, it’s been a passion of mine for the last thirty seconds,” Lexa suggests.

“And like scream, for no reason at all, every ten minutes,”

“I could buy seven alarm clocks and have them go off every twenty minutes for four hours during the day,”

“Do you have a boyfriend? You could have really loud morning sex,”

Lexa almost spits out the beer Raven had given her as she laughs. She shakes her head no.

“I, um, don’t play for that team anyway,” Lexa tells her. 

“Oh, I see. Girlfriend then? Any prospects?”

“Not in the least,” Lexa takes another swig of beer, her thoughts turning to the blue-eyed bombshell she keeps seeing around Polis. 

Raven looks at her again, the way she always does, that tells Lexa she knows she’s hiding something. 

“Spill it,” Raven says and points to her threateningly. 

“Do you remember a couple weeks ago this blonde ran out of the lobby super fast, you said she was probably late for something?”  
Raven grins widely before saying, “Got a crush on blondie huh? Interesting that you’re into the princess type,”

“Oh, she’s no princess,” Lexa says, thinking back to the girl swearing at the coffee shop. “I keep seeing her around,”

“Who is she? Does she live in the building?” Raven asks.

Lexa shrugs and adds, “I don’t know, I’ve never gotten her name. I haven’t seen her in the tower since that day though, so maybe she was just visiting someone.” 

Raven’s eyes widen and she sits up a little on the couch, “What if she was doing the walk of shame?”

“You think so? I guess that would explain why she left the building so quickly,”

“Oh my god! What if she slept with Clarke?” Raven shouts. 

The thought of her sort-of crush sleeping with her sort-of neighborly enemy puts a sour taste in Lexa’s mouth and a damper on her mood, which had previously lightened despite her exhaustion. Lexa likes spending time with Raven and is glad there is at least one other person in the building under the age of forty that she can talk to. She finishes her beer and tells Raven she’s going to go take a nap. 

“Alright, don’t forget what we talked about. Think, ‘noise’.”

Lexa nods, puts her empty bottle in the recycling bin and walks to the door. As she’s about to close it Raven calls to her to wait a second and asks if she wants to go out tomorrow night.

“My stupid ex-boyfriend is in a band and playing at a bar close to here. He’s an idiot but we’re still friends and I told him I’d go,”

Lexa tells her it sounds like fun.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s been a very long time since Lexa went out and she goes back and forth on faking a sudden illness or her death or something. She actually feels close to death because she’s still dead-tired. Last night Clarke decided to thoroughly vacuum his apartment at 2am. She made sure to get ready for work today as loudly as possible, opting to leave her alarm going instead of shutting it off, and “accidentally” hitting her headboard against the wall a few times while she made her bed. 

At work she made the mistake of telling Anya where she was going that night and Anya invited herself. Once Anya was tagging along, Lincoln politely asked Lexa if he could join and he’s so nice she couldn’t say no, she texted Raven and asked her if it would be alright if she brought some people. Raven told her that would be great and that’s the driving force behind her not bailing. She’s sure if she didn’t show up Raven wouldn’t be super comfortable hanging out with two people she doesn’t even know. 

It takes her what seems like five hours to decide on an outfit that ends up being a simple white, loose fitting t-shirt with cutoff sleeves and a pair of charcoal grey skinny jeans. She’s paces around her living room, stopping to water her bonzai tree and move the tv remote from the end table to the coffee table because she doesn’t know what to do with herself. 

Her stomach falls a little when her phone vibrates in her pocket to let her know Anya and Lincoln are in the tower’s lobby because that means that there is no chance of backing out now and that she does actually have to go out and be social like a regular person. It’s not that she doesn’t enjoy being with people and relaxing, it’s just that she’s incredibly out of practice. 

She texts Anya back and then texts Raven that she’s headed down. She pushes floor 8 and the ground floor button of the elevator. When the doors open to Raven’s floor she’s already waiting, with a smile on her face. She’s wearing an olive green jacket and black tank underneath and dark jeans with holes in the knees. Lexa sighs a little with relief because she was worried she had under dressed. 

“What is wrong with your face?” Raven asks. 

“What?” 

“Your face. You look… I don’t know, half way between pissed off and scared shitless,”

Lexa attempts a weak smile and explains, “I don’t go out very often, guess I’m a little stressed,” 

“No one is going to hit on you if you look like that all night,” Raven says with a laugh as the doors close. 

This makes Lexa laugh and relax, but only slightly, because now she’s worried about people hitting on her. When the doors open to the ground floor of the tower she see’s not two, but three people waiting for them. Anya is standing next to Lincoln, who is talking to a dark haired woman. When she turns around Lexa immediately knows who else has decided to join them. She’s dressed better than all of them combined, in a skin tight lacy black tank top that exposes both her cleavage and midriff and a black leather jacket. Over her black tights are leather boots with heels that could probably kill a man. 

“Hey guys, this is Raven. Raven this is Anya, her brother Lincoln, and Octavia. Anya and Lincoln own the gym I work at and Octavia is another trainer there,”

Raven waves hello to everyone and they start walking to the bar that Raven’s ex-boyfriend is performing at. Anya, Raven and Lexa all walk in front while Lincoln and Octavia hang back, talking to each other. 

“I think this is the most I’ve ever seen Lincoln talk,” Lexa says as she glances back to see him smiling at Octavia.

“Pretty sure he’s in love already. They sparred today and she kicked his ass,” Anya says grinning. 

“Really?” Lexa says, eyes wide. 

“Yeah, for such a small package that girl has some serious punch. Wouldn’t guess it from an aerobics instructor, would you? You should have seen his face, it was hilarious. Nyko was on the ground, he was laughing so hard. But I think you could actually see the moment Lincoln started falling for her,”

“They would make one badass couple,” Raven adds, nodding in approvement. 

Silence falls for a little while and Lexa grows nervous again, feeling that she needs to keep conversation flowing between the three of them. 

“So, this guy we’re seeing, he’s your ex-boyfriend?” Anya suddenly asks Raven.

“Yeah, but we’ve known each other our whole lives. We grew up together, so we’re still friends,”

“Why’d you break up? Do you still love him?” Anya asks blunty.

Lexa’s eyes widen and she smacks Anya’s shoulder. She gives her a threatening look but Raven just laughs. 

“He cheated on me, so no I’m not _in_ love with him, but I do still love him, you know? I think at that point we were only together because we felt like we had to be? If that makes any sense. But he moved to D.C. and didn’t know I had made plans to visit him. I surprised him one day, and found out he had already slept with someone. He didn’t even last two weeks.”

“We could kick his ass,” Anya says gesturing to herself and Lexa. 

“No thanks,” Raven laughs. “I’ve made my peace with it, but our friendship was something neither of us wanted to lose. We owe each other so much, our lives even. That’s why I told him I’d go to this thing tonight,”

When they arrive at the bar the first thing Octavia does is buy them all a round of vodka. Lexa doesn’t usually drink hard liquor but welcomes anything that might help her relax a little. The building isn’t huge, and there are a decent amount of people crowding the bar so with a beer in everyone’s hand they make their way to a circular table in the corner. There’s a few shuffleboard and pool tables on the opposite side of the room, but there’s way too many people there for their group to attempt to play. 

Two beers later Lexa finds out that Raven is an airspace mechanic who “dabbles in electrical engineering” as she put it. She also learns that Lincoln enjoys still life drawing and Octavia has owned horses her whole life. Anya talks about the gym and how when she was little she wanted to live in a tree house. Eventually a waitress brings over the food Raven ordered during the second round of beers. 

“Aw yisss,” Raven says, enunciating the “s” sound, and sort of bouncing in the booth a little.

Lincoln gives her a look as she takes a handful of chips from the basket eagerly. 

“Hey, don’t judge me tiny, the queso here is delicious,” She says while pointing a chip at him accusingly. 

“That so? Maybe it would be polite if you shared then,” Lincoln prods and he motions his head toward the bowl. 

Raven rolls her eyes and slides the bowl over to him as he grins. He bows his head in thanks. Octavia orders another round of shots, this time tequila. This girl goes hard, Lexa thinks as she downs her second shot.

Lexa listens to them talk for the most part, laughing at their stories occasionally, taking it in. By the time the band gets on stage she’s feeling pretty intoxicated. The crowd by the stage is much to dense for Lexa’s taste so she opts to stay in the booth with Anya and Lincoln. Raven and Octavia both try and crowd their way to the front of the stage, unsuccessfully, and only manage to merely stand a few feet in front of the table they were already sitting at. Raven suggests Lincoln use his intimidating muscles to move people out of the way but Lincoln insists he’s a pacifist, to which Anya scoffs. Lincoln leaves the booth anyway and stands behind Octavia, occasionally whispering in her ear. She keeps grinning so Lexa suspects things are going well for them. 

The band tunes their instruments for a few moments before a long-haired lead singer with a boyish face steps up to the microphone and the crowd cheers. 

“Hey, um... we’re the Space Walkers, thanks for coming out tonight, hope you enjoy the show...and yeah, let’s get to it,” 

“I came up with their name!” Raven turns and tells Lexa. “He takes credit for it, but it was totally me,”

Music soons fills the bar and Lexa can feel the thump of the beat vibrating in her sternum. 

_I know what you think in the morning_  
When the sun shines on the ground  
And shows what you have done  
It shows where your mind has gone 

Lexa closes her eyes and listens to the music, nodding her head. 

_And you all have plans,  
To take it, to take it, don't take it, take it, take it_

“Hey, isn’t that your princess?” Raven’s voice is close to her ear and she opens her eyes to see Raven bending over the table and whispering to her.

_I'm trying, I'm trying to sleep  
I'm trying, I'm trying to sleep_

She looks over to where Raven points and sees her, standing not too far away with the two shaggy haired boys from the pizza place. Her hair falls down around her shoulder is loose waves and she’s wearing a simple, low cut black shirt with the sleeves rolled up and jeans that make her butt look really, really great. Not that Lexa is looking. Not that the sight makes her bite her lip. Not that any of that happened.

Raven reads Lexa like a book. She grins and grabs her by the arm and pulls her out of the booth. Lexa stands awkwardly next to Raven for a moment which is returned by what can only be described as a death glare. The song changes and a lower, stronger bass fills the bar. Raven takes the beer out of Lexa’s hand and replaces it with not one, but two shots and then points at the girl. Lexa looks over to the girl again, as she moves along to the slow, but rising tempo of the new song. Lexa feels all at once very thirsty. 

_Drowning, you make my heart beat like the rain  
Surround me, hold me deep beneath your weight_

Lexa pushes through the bodies, suddenly confident, alcohol narrowing her focus and relaxing her movements. She approaches the blonde like a target and they make eye contact as people dance and sway around them. The blonde grins at her as Lexa hands her a shot glass. They take their shots together and Lexa leans over to whisper against her ear. She leaves her lips close for a moment, letting the lyrics of the song fill the space between them before gathering her nerve to speak.

_Baby you're like lightning in a bottle  
I can't let you go now that I got it_

“Dancing with me comes very highly recommended,” Lexa murmurs.

 _All I need is to be struck by your electric love  
Baby, you're electric love, electric love_

With that, the girl gives a sultry grin, but turns away from her. Lexa feels defeated at first, thinking she might have come on too strong, but then she feels the blonde slide up against the front of her and before she knows what she’s doing her hands find themselves resting against the blonde’s hips. 

Or at least she thinks that’s where they are because she can’t actually feel her fingers. They are alight in a tingly sensation and for a second Lexa wonders if she’s having a stroke, but then the smell of pomegranate and flowers flows over her and she’s pretty sure if she was having a stroke she wouldn’t be able to tell how good this girl smells. 

They sway against each other to the beat of the music for several songs and it takes all the control Lexa has to not allow her hands to travel to other places on the blonde’s body. When the band finishes their set, the guy with shaggy hair near the girl motions her outside and she mouths to Lexa that she’ll be right back. Lexa watches her leave. 

“Earth to Commander Lexa,” Raven mimics in a radio sound, snapping Lexa out of her daze. “Come back to the ground, you’re not drunk enough anymore,”

They walk back to the bar and Lexa orders a hard cider. She endures several minutes of teasing from her friends, as if they are all children, Lexa thinks. She keeps her eye on the back door though and notices when the blonde walks back in. She and her friends walk over to a now vacant pool table and begin a round. She glances up at Lexa a few times while lining up her shot or waiting for her turn and Lexa doesn’t tear her eyes away. Eventually, Lexa gets up the nerve to walk over to her again. When the blonde notices she meets her halfway, cue stick in hand. 

“You winning?” Lexa asks.

“I’m doing alright,” the blonde smiles. 

“I’m Lexa,” she blurts out. 

“Nice to meet you,” She puts out her hand and Lexa shakes it. 

“Are you going to tell me your name?” Lexa asks her, head tilted. 

She gives Lexa a sly smile before shaking her head no. 

“Nah, I don’t think so. It’s more fun this way,” She explains. 

Lexa eyes the girl for a second before getting an idea.

“I’ll tell you what, I’ll play you for it,” She suggests and motions towards to pool table. 

“For what? For my name?”

“Yeah, if I win, you tell me your name,” Lexa explains.

“And when you lose?” The blonde returns, an eyebrow raised. 

“That confident already huh? Twenty bucks,” Lexa says, knowing that’s all she has left in her wallet. 

“Well, I’ve never been one to back down from a challenge, it’s a bet,”

Lexa puts the money on the empty table and the girl explains what’s happening to her friends. Lexa doesn’t have to explain what’s happening to her entourage because when she turns around they are all watching her intensely. 

“Damn, Lexa, you’ve got some game. Good luck girl, pulling for you,” Raven says.

Her friends reorganize themselves in front of the pool table, ordering another round of drinks. Octavia orders shots again, seriously the girl can drink. Lexa walks over to the blonde and offers her another shot, for luck she explains. 

As Lexa racks she offers the break over to the blonde, but she insists that Lexa have the honor since the bet was her idea. Lexa obliges and breaks, sinking two balls and calling solids. Her cheering section whoops and hollers. She sinks another into the corner pocket but fails to set up her third shot so tries for the defensive play, sandwiching the cue ball between two of the solid balls, making the light haired girls shot much more difficult. 

“You trying to hustle me?”

“No, not at all,” Lexa adds, “But I _have_ played pool before,”

She walks away from the table to take a swig of her cider. The blonde winks and lines up her shot, giving Lexa a perfect view of her low cut shirt and cleavage. Not that Lexa is looking. 

“I saw that, you’re not so sneaky,” 

Lexa blushes as the blonde effortlessly pops the cue ball up and over her ball and manages to sink a stripe into the left side pocket. 

“Damn! Princess has skills!” Raven shouts and bites her knuckles. 

There’s a chorus of oohs and ahhs from both groups of friends and Lexa’s jaw drops a little. The blonde smiles and sinks the next two stripes effortlessly. She looks focused and intent as she sinks the next shot as well.

Her next shot is defensive and when Lexa approaches the table she’s left with little to no options, not that she would have been able to sink anything anyway, because she is very much drunk now, that final shot making its way into her bloodstream. Lexa attempts to focus. She lines up her shot, moving the cue back and forth as the woman comes over to the edge of the table and slowly bends over into Lexa'says line of view. Lexa misses her shot and nearly sinks the cue ball instead. This girl is playing her for a fool.

“You alright?” The blonde walks by grinning. 

Lexa glares in return. The woman walks around the table, surveying her options. She leans down with such confidence and concentration on her face that it makes Lexa swoon. She loves a girl who knows what she’s doing. The blonde sinks the next three balls before Lexa even notices. She might have been too busy watching the girl move. 

“8-ball, right corner,” the woman says smugly. 

“Who’s hustling who?” Lexa asks, totally dumbstruck. 

With one final crack of the cue the 8-ball lands in the corner pocket with ease. The shaggy haired boys erupt in cheers from the next pool table and congratulate each other for the win that they had nothing to do with, chugging their beers respectively. The woman smirks and walks slowly over to the twenty dollar bill Lexa had put on the table. She leans forward, reaching up to whisper in Lexa’s ear. 

“I’ve played pool before too,” she tells her and her lips hover there for a moment, her breath hot against Lexa’s face, before pressing them down quickly and lightly against her cheek. “Thanks for the twenty,” 

She turns and walks toward her friends who are losing their minds. They all huddle together as she leaves the bar. 

“Well, you can’t win them all, I guess,” Lincoln walks over to reassure Lexa. 

“You have to lose a few battles to win the war,” Anya states as Lexa watches the blonde leave again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 songs:
> 
> Guns for Hands - Twenty One Pilots  
> Electric Love - Borns


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clarke POV for this chapter to get a different perspective. Sorry it's been so long for an update! This chapter is a little longer as a peace offering.

Clarke really hates her job.

And her new apartment complex. And her next door neighbor. 

She hates her job for a lot of reasons, but the main one is that it has completely flipped her sleep schedule upside down. The new hours make her feel kind of like a vampire. She’s been a surgical tech at Mount Weather Hospital for almost a year, but recently switched to the night rotation because it paid significantly more. She is starting to regret that decision though and today is Saturday which is her least favorite day of the week. 

Every Monday through Thursday her shift runs from 3pm to 12am, which isn’t terrible since she’s always been a bit of a night owl, but on Saturdays she works a twelve hour overnight shift from 4pm to 4am and by the end of it she’s exhausted. She has the day before and the day after to recuperate, but it’s a catch-22. If she goes to bed at a normal time on Friday and wakes up at a normal time on Saturday, by 3 or 4am she’s a zombie for the rest of her shift and thus a zombie for most of Sunday as well. She’s found that the best way to handle it is to stay up to an ungodly hour on Friday and sleep in extremely late on Saturday. 

This only works if she can find something to entertain her till 4am every Friday, so she was on board when Jasper made her and Monty go to a bar so he could stare at (but not talk to) this bartender named Maya that he has a thing for. Anything to kill time and keep her awake. 

When they got to the bar she was pleasantly surprised that there was a live band to distract her from Jasper’s pining and Monty’s eye-rolling. She was even more pleasantly surprised when she caught a glimpse of the smokey-eyed brunette she’d met at the coffee shop last week. When that same brunette walked up to her, shot in hand, and whispered in her ear, she saw the night ending differently. 

And yet, it’s 3am and instead of a tall, brown-haired beauty in her apartment, she’s sitting on her couch and stifling a yawn as she watches her friends play a spirited game of Super Smash Brothers on her Wii. The loser has been taking shots and Monty kicked Jasper’s ass three games straight. Jasper was so drunk at one point that he played a full game thinking he was the computer player and he was crushed when he realized that he had walked his own character off the platform four times. He has since rallied though, much to Monty’s dismay.

“Your drunk ass got lucky! Everyone can win with Kirby!” Monty shouts. 

“’S not luck, jusss’ pure skill!” Jasper slurs and pours Monty a shot. “Drink up!”

“Shh, guys! You’ll wake the beast,” Clarke whispers harshly and throws a pillow at them. 

She’s never met her next door neighbor, but she suspects she is the grinch. It’s like Clarke can’t make even the slightest noise without hearing that familiar pounding against her bedroom wall. What’s worse is that she swears her neighbor is intentionally waking Clarke up now. She can’t prove it, but she wouldn’t put it past this woman. 

As Monty and Jasper continue to shout at each other over who is or isn’t cheating, Clarke’s thoughts drift back to the bar and the brunette. Lexa. It’s a pretty name, but also strong, almost… _intimidating_. It seems to fit her. Just like the jeans she was wearing tonight. Damn, she looked good in those jeans. 

Clarke admits she was looking. Honestly, at certain points she was straight up staring. She saw the brunette as soon as she walked into the bar. You couldn’t miss her. Lexa had this _presence_. She wasn’t demanding the room look at her, but it did anyway. She watched as Lexa walked from the bar to the booth in the corner and for a second got worried that she might be on a date with the girl sitting next to her. When Jasper and Monty dragged her to the middle of the crowd she told herself that it didn’t bother her if the girl was on a date and so she tore her eyes away from the table in the corner and let herself get lost in the music. After the first song, when Clarke glanced over again, just to see if the brunette is still there, she locked eyes with her instead and felt her heart start pounding against her chest. When the girl leaned in, with a steely smile and voice low and determined, Clarke all but melted. 

Clarke’s not sure why she didn’t tell Lexa her name. Part of her thinks that it’s kind of exciting, the mystery of it all. She doesn’t know why, but she just kind of felt sure that she would see Lexa again. She felt it at the coffee shop too and sure enough she saw the brunette at the pizza shop she had never been to before. It was fate or something. She feels like their paths are meant to cross again, so she’s not worried that she didn’t give out her number. However, if she _had_ given her number or told this girl her name, she probably wouldn’t be yawning right now. She’d probably be much more awake. 

Her thoughts fall back to Lexa’s hands against her hips and the feeling of Lexa’s breath against her neck as they danced. Clarke’s no fool, and she could hear the wanting in the brunette’s voice too, which is why she decided to toy with her after they parted. She purposely stayed behind to play a game of pool with Jasper and Monty, almost daring Lexa to walk up to her again. She thought for a few minutes that she read the situation wrong, and that she blew her chance, but when she looked up to see Lexa checking her out so intently that it made her stomach flip and she felt slightly flushed. Lexa looked at Clarke like she was some sort of goddess. Clarke was absolutely caught off guard when Lexa offered up the bet just to learn her name. She smiles to herself now as she remembers the glint in Lexa’s eye, how confident she was to challenge her. This would be fun, she had thought. 

It wasn’t her plan to leave the bar after she won, but it also wasn’t her plan to lean in like that and kiss Lexa’s cheek. She didn’t know what she was thinking, but she couldn’t stay in the bar after that. She half hoped that Lexa would stop her, that she would follow her out of the bar, but it was probably too much to think that the brunette would approach her three separate times. A girl can dream though.

Clarke jolts out of her trance because her television has suddenly started blasting sounds from Super Smash Bros louder than she thought possible. 

“You’re sitting on the remote you idiot! You turned the volume all the way up!”

Clarke quickly shuts the tv off and holds her breath, but it’s too late. The too familiar sound of fist against drywall thumps lightly in the next room.

“Dammit. Alright, playtime is over,” Clarke says to her protesting friends. 

Jasper and Monty live two blocks away so they decline Clarke’s invite to stay the night and Monty helps the much drunker Jasper into the elevator, but not before Jasper yells, “Goodnight Clarke!” at the top of his lungs and slams Clarke’s apartment door as loudly as possible. Clarke winces at that and hears the pounding against the wall again. Fuck. Her neighbor is never going to let this one go. 

Clarke slides into bed, not bothering to set an alarm, since she’s planning on sleeping as long as humanly possible. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Groggily, Clarke wakes up to an unfamiliar sound. It sounds like...hedge clippers? Which can’t be right. She lives on the 12th floor. There aren’t any hedges up here.

What time is it? She tries to blink her eyes to focus on her phone as she lifts it from her bedside table and groans loudly when she realizes that her phone definitely says 7:23am. The hedgeclippers stop and Clarke closes her eyes again, only to be jolted awake again. What in the hell is that sound?! It repeats, on and off, for several minutes before allowing her some sweet, sweet silence. Then Clarke hears the music start and swears she can actually hear her neighbor singing Livin’ La Vida Loca through the wall. Clarke debates pounding against the wall, but she’s so exhausted that she couldn’t possibly spare the energy to lift her arm. After an extremely long shower and a spirited performance of Lady Marmalade, her neighbor finally leaves her apartment with a loud slam of her door. 

Though thoroughly pissed off, Clarke manages to go back to sleep for a few more hours and pulls herself out of bed around noon. She’s definitely going to need coffee, she didn’t sleep nearly enough. She takes her time getting ready and watches an episode of Friends before leaving her apartment. 

She can’t decide if coffee or hunger takes more precedent. The yawn that leaves her mouth as the elevator doors open to the ground floor ultimately decides for her. She walks to The Ark, intending to grab her coffee and go, but is stopped in her tracks by a familiar face, sitting on the patio, brown hair pulled back and braided, and her face in a book. She’s wearing a navy blue tank top and sun glints off of her tanned shoulders and exposed tattoo. Damn, she looks hot. Clarke is a sucker for tattoo’s.

Lexa looks in deep concentration and chews on her lip slightly as she reads. The smile that pushes against Clarke’s cheeks is almost as involuntary as the yawn that follows. A small sound escapes her mouth as she does so and Lexa looks up and a wide grin stretches over her face. Clarke clasps her hands over her mouth, slightly mortified. 

“Tired?” She asks and sets her book down on the table, using a coffee sleeve as a bookmark. 

Clarke laughs and nods sheepishly. 

“I hear this place sells coffee,” Lexa gestures to the front door of The Ark. 

“You don’t say? I thought they sold sandwiches,” Clarke fakes disappointment. “Shucks, I must be at the wrong place. I guess I’ll go get some coffee though, since I’m here and all,” 

Lexa smiles softly for a moment and Clarke kind of just stares at her like an idiot in the middle of the patio. After a second she shakes her head as if to knock herself out of her own daze and Lexa laughs. She stands up and walks over to Clarke and the way she’s looking at her makes Clarke’s stomach flip. 

“We can have sandwiches too. Come on,” Lexa motions toward the door.

“We?” Clarke asks and raises an eyebrow and grins at Lexa. 

“Yes, we. We’re having a late lunch,” Lexa explains. 

Breakfast actually, Clarke thinks, but doesn’t know if she wants to tell Lexa she’s only been awake for an hour and a half. She follows her into the building, the cool air conditioned room feels good against her flushed face. It must be hotter outside than she realized, Clarke thinks, that’s why. Lexa orders and steps aside for the barista to take Clarke’s order. When she’s finished, Lexa pulls out a card to hand to the barista but Clarke steps in front of her and pulls out the twenty dollar bill she won off her the night before and pays for their food with it. 

“I was going to buy you lunch,” Lexa says, frowning slightly, which Clarke instantly finds adorable. 

“I came into some money last night,” Clarke says and winks at her and Lexa rolls her eyes. 

“Did you? I hope you earned it fair and square,” Lexa mocks. 

“Oh no, I played dirty,” Clarke adds and Lexa actually laughs. 

“Of course you did,”

“Can I get a name for your order?” The barista asks.

“It’s Cl-...shit,” Clarke starts to say and then she grins when she notices the smug look on Lexa’s face fall after she stops herself short. 

There’s a long pause as Clarke smiles at Lexa but shakes her head, wagging her finger and mouthing, “nice try”. Exasperated, Lexa turns to the barista and says her name instead. They wait for their food and drinks at the end of the bar and Clarke covers her mouth as she yawns again. 

“So...Clarice? You don’t have to operate heavy machinery today do you? I’m a little worried. I wouldn’t want you crushing me to death by a bulldozer,” Lexa jokes.

“Good one, and nope, no heavy machinery, just like...scalpels and other sharp things,” Clarke explains.

“Oh, perfect, so there is nothing to fear then,” 

“Nope, totally safe,”

“Not one thing could possibly go wrong,” Lexa says sarcastically and Clarke grins at her again. 

“Large six shot iced americano with vanilla and cream!” The barista shouts. 

“Isn’t there some sort of limit on the amount of espresso one can consume in a single sitting before you reach an untimely death?” Lexa asks Clarke as her order is called out. 

“Hey, it’s either overdose on caffeine or nod off with a knife in my hand,” Clarke offers and Lexa smiles, nodding in agreement as the barista sets their food on the hand-off counter. “Besides,” Clarke continues, “I looked it up once and it would take something like 130 espresso shots to kill me,”

“Oh perfect, at least you know your limits. After you...Clara?” Lexa suggests, a hopeful hint in her voice as she holds open the door. 

“Nice try, but that’s not it either,” Clarke grins and she sets her plate on the patio table where Lexa’s stuff is. On the table is a plastic cup with some sort of slightly congealed, green liquid in it that Clarke grimaces at. Lexa notices and moves the tumbler to the ground. 

“Sorry, it’s a veggie smoothie that I made this morning, they only look disgusting, trust me,”

“That looks like a bird pooped right into your cup,” Clarke says through a mouthful of sandwich. 

“Colorful imagery, that’s exactly what I like to talk about when I’m eating,” Lexa says as she takes a bite. 

“It’s my favorite lunchtime topic actually,” 

“I’m learning so much about you now...Clementine,” Lexa laughs and Clarke chokes on her drink at that suggestion.

“Calm down now, Claudette, you’re making a scene,” 

“Seriously, though, that looks like poison,” Clarke laughs. 

“It is actually, I just enjoy slowly killing myself by drinking disgusting juice beverages,”

They talk for awhile as they eat lunch and Clarke can’t seem to get the butterflies in her stomach to calm the fuck down. She never thought this girl would be so funny. She seemed so serious before, almost stoic. If it were possible Lexa has gotten even hotter in the last twenty minutes. Clarke is a sucker for a girl who can make her laugh. She’s done for. An absolute gonner. 

After an hour Clarke learns that Lexa is actually perfect. Which is fantastic and terrible at the same time. She thought at first she might just like the idea of Lexa. After all, she’s absolutely gorgeous and she seems to be genuinely interested in her, so naturally Clarke figured there had to be something terrible about her. Like maybe she was a professional yodeler or that she really enjoyed murdering people in her spare time, but so far they have the same taste in music, both enjoy being outside for any occasion, and, in a weird coincidence, both owned a stray cat named Roan that ran away when they were kids. They discussed at length the possibility that there was a chance they both owned the same cat, just at different times, which seems farfetched seeing as how Clarke grew up in Arcadia and Lexa has lived in Polis her whole life. 

“What made you leave Arcadia?” Lexa asks.

Clarke thinks for a moment, wondering how to phrase her response. She can’t help but look at Lexa as she does. Lexa waits patiently for her to answer and has a genuine look of curiosity on her face that softens into mild concern as the silence wears on. Still, she doesn’t push Clarke to continue and sits with her hands folded over one another, gazing as Clarke pieces together an answer. 

“A lot of reasons. My parents, mostly. My...my dad passed away and my mom and I didn’t really get along great after that. I think I just started to feel like I couldn’t breathe you know? Like I was suffocating. After he died everything came crashing down around me, I felt like my feet had been swept out from under me and I needed to get them back on the ground. I needed to get some fresh air, change my surroundings.”

Lexa simply nods and continues looking at Clarke with a deep understanding. She doesn’t have a look of pity, like most people do when Clarke mentions her father’s death. Instead, she looks solemn for the first time since they sat down, as if she is remembering something painful herself. 

“You headed to the gym?” Clarke asks, trying to change the subject.

Lexa looks perplexed for a moment, tilting her head slightly and furrows her brow. She looks like a confused puppy and Clarke gazes at her for a second before lightly kicking the duffle bag on the ground by Lexa’s feet. 

“Oh,” Lexa laughs and rolls her eyes at herself. “Leaving it actually, I taught a class earlier this morning,” 

“Really?” Clarke says and then under her breath mutters, “That explains the guns then.” Which she is pretty sure Lexa doesn’t hear and is grateful for that. 

Lexa tells her about the gym she works at and that she teaches a youth krav maga class on Saturdays. Clarke admits that she has no idea what that means, but admits that it sounds badass. Lexa laughs at that and agrees. 

“You should come to a class sometime,” Lexa offers.

Clarke smiles and says maybe one day. Lexa looks at her for a long time, smiling softly, before telling Clarke she’d be counting the days. It makes Clarke blush. God, is she twelve? This is embarrassing. 

“Alright, your turn Chloe, what exactly do you do that involves holding sharp objects? Are you a doctor?” Lexa asks. 

Clarke scoffs. “No, I’m a surgical tech at Mount Weather, not that important,”

“You seem pretty important to me,” 

Clarke blushes again but can’t help but roll her eyes at that. She glances down at her phone and curses under her breath, which she can see Lexa smile at. Somehow they’ve talked for two hours. 

“Shit. What is important is that I’m going to be late, I have to go,” Clarke frowns and starts gathering her things. 

“Wait, you’re just now going to work? But it’s Saturday...and it’s three-thirty,” 

“Gotta love that night shift life,” Clarke shrugs.

Lexa grimaces when Clarke tells her she gets off work at four in the morning, but nods her head before asking, “What time is your break?”

Clarke stops moving at that, blushing more furiously than before, and asks why Lexa wants to know. 

“Oh nothing, I just think something is wrong with me...feels like an appendicitis maybe?” Lexa points to her side with a pained expression.

“Oh no, how awful for you,” Clarke feigns concern.

Ooh, yeah, it’s bad, I think it might rupture sometime tonight. I’m on the brink of death, I can feel it,” Lexa moans. 

Clarke smiles widely and looks at Lexa for a moment, who is switching between smiling coyly and pretending to wince. Clarke bites her lip as she grabs her bag from the table and throws her trash away. 

“Hopefully your appendix can keep itself together until 10pm,” Clarke says, taking a final sip of her americano and waves goodbye. 

“See you later Cleo,” Lexa calls after her and a big, dopey smile returns to Clarke’s face along with a new flush of red to her cheeks. 

Because it’s hot outside, that’s why. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clarke doesn’t think she’s ever been in this good a mood during an overnight shift before. She hums while changing into her scrubs and is practically bouncing as she walks down the hall to the surgical board. As she looks at scheduled surgeries one of the nurses at the desk tells her she’s smiling like an idiot, to which she flips her off, telling the woman not to kill her vibe. 

The board is pretty empty right now, she’s on a surgery in an hour, but other than that there isn’t much else going on. Not many people intentionally schedule surgeries Saturday evenings, most avoid it if they can, but this isn’t Clarke’s first rodeo, and she knows that will change. Stable patients take turns for the worse, trauma’s will roll in, and the board will fill itself. 

Clarke moves on to the operating room and readies the area. Dr. Rasmussen is operating and she is left handed, so she prepares sterile pads, fluids, and instruments on the left side. She checks and double checks the electronic equipment and lights, making sure everything is fully functional and then disinfects the room. Afterwards, she preps the patient for surgery and covers the patient in sterile drapes. The surgery is small and routine and everything goes smoothly. 

Clarke smirks at the irony of the next patient - a sudden appendicitis. Although Mr. Geensberg is decidedly not the wondrously witty brunette she’d been hoping for. Instead, he is a fifteen year old boy with greasy hair who makes crude jokes until the anesthesia knocks him out. 

The patient in her third surgery dies, which doesn’t happen often, and always takes Clarke by surprise. She’s still not used to it - death. The air seems heavier whenever a patient dies, but she cleans the operating room and prepares it for the next surgery, like nothing happened. 

The first five hours of her shift move pretty quickly. Between surgeries Clarke keeps busy by checking on previous patients and changing dressings, sterilizing equipment and operating rooms, and getting coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. It’s shitty coffee, but it’s better than nothing. She’s headed to the break room when she see’s her - the tall, strong, bandaged, brunette of her dreams. Wait, bandaged? Clarke does a double take and swivels around to look into the trauma center. Lexa is sitting on a cot, speaking to a nurse as she wraps gauze around her palm.

“ **Lexa?** ” Clarke nearly shouts as she walks forward. 

Lexa looks up, alarmed before her face falls into somewhat sheepish smile when she recognizes Clarke. 

“Claude!” Lexa chimes. 

“What are you doing here??” Clarke says frantically, rolling her eyes at the name guess. 

“I know, I know, my appendix isn’t supposed to burst for another hour,” Lexa begins.

The nurse gives Lexa and Clarke an utterly perplexed look and Clarke says she can finish dressing Lexa’s wound if she doesn’t mind. The nurse obliges and leaves the bedside. Clarke reaches forward and grabs Lexa’s bandaged hand, her brows knitting together with concern. Lexa smiles softly. 

“What happened to you?”

“My palm got very acquainted with a knife while I was making dinner,”

“Now who shouldn’t be operating heavy machinery?” Clarke jests while examining Lexa’s palm. 

Her hands are soft Clarke thinks. It’s nice. 

“Looks like the cut wasn’t bad enough for stitches. They sealed it with medical glue,” Clarke murmurs and Lexa nods. “How long have you been here?”

“About an hour or so. If you think this cut is bad the waiting room is worse. I almost died of boredom,”

“Do you ever talk about anything other than your death?”

Lexa smiles and gazes at Clarke for a moment before saying, “Well today I’ve been talking a lot about you,” 

Clarke couldn’t attempt to hide her blush if she wanted. She can’t help but stare at the ground, because the fondness with which Lexa is looking at her is almost unbearable. Her beeper goes off and she curses, garnering a smile from Lexa, she’s sure of it. 

“I have a surgery to get to, are you going to be alright?” 

“No, I’ve been meaning to tell someone that my appendix hurts,”

Clarke rolls her eyes and gently let’s go of Lexa’s palm. 

“I’ll be on a lunch break in forty-five minutes, if your appendix can wait until then,”

“I’ll probably be dead, but we’ll see,” Lexa winks.


	5. Chapter 5

Lexa is used to making sacrifices, so she’s more than willing to sacrifice an hour of her time to roaming the hospital, asking literally everyone working if they know a blonde surgical tech and what might her name be. So far she’s gotten two reactions.

_Miss, you’re not allowed in here._

And

_No, please get out of my way._

Disgruntled, Lexa gives up her quest and waits for her blonde bombshell to meet her in the hospital cafeteria. She plays color switch on her phone for awhile before her phone vibrates and beeps with a warning and she reluctantly puts it in her pocket to save the battery life. 

It’s just after 10pm and Lexa is already tired. At 3:57am this morning Lexa was awakened to the sound of Pikachu screaming and Donkey Kong smashing something - probably Pikachu, now that she’s thinking about it. This sounds absolutely ridiculous and she definitely thought she was dreaming at first. It took a few, irregular heartbeats and deep breaths to calm down enough to recognize the video game sounds coming from 12A. She would say muffled sounds, because that’s what they usually are, but this was far from muffled. It was so loud that it jolted her awake and she nearly fell out of bed. 

She might murder someone. She doesn’t usually seek out violence, not anymore, but last night she thought she might make an exception. The noise disappeared quickly, but Lexa balled her fist and slammed it against the wall anyhow. 

When she was convinced that her neighbor had gotten the hint she finally lay her head back on her pillow, her body instantly feeling heavy with sleep. Her eyes had just barely shut when the door of the apartment next door slams so forcefully that it shakes the whole of her apartment. 

**GOODNIGHT CLARKE!**

That’s it, she’s had it. She threw her covers off and stomped out of her bedroom, flinging the door of her apartment open a few seconds too late as the elevator doors ding closed and she misses her opportunity. 

Lexa closes her eyes in the cafeteria and contemplates various forms of revenge for a few moments. Without much effort her thoughts soon switch direction and she begins daydreaming about the yellow-haired, foul-mouthed pool shark she can’t seem to get enough of. She thinks about and can almost feel the way she gently stroked her palm earlier. Her fingers were soft, Lexa thinks. 

Lexa didn’t cut herself on purpose. She didn’t need to justify her actions to anyone, but she had texted Anya and asked for a ride to the hospital and Anya asked her on the drive over. Lexa did not cut herself on purpose, she’s not that desperate for a date. Anya had rolled her eyes. 

Lexa did cut herself making dinner. The dinner, however, wasn’t for herself. She made it for her mystery girl, or, attempted to make it, before she got lost in her thoughts and sliced through her palm instead of the tomato she was holding. She thought that cafeteria food might be getting pretty tiring and had planned a surprise meal. Surely her delicious penne rosa and impeccable culinary skills would win her enough brownie points to garner a name from her blonde crush. Then she had to ruin it by thinking too much. 

She might have been thinking of the girls breathe against her ear and the feel of her lips as she placed an intentionally long and lingering kiss to her cheek. She might have been replaying the game of pool and every intentionally slow lean and kneel the blonde did to distract her. She might have been thinking about the sultry grin she had given Lexa as she walked out the door. Who wouldn’t get distracted when thinking about something like that? 

The answer, normally, is Lexa. Lexa, who is calm, calculated, patient, and thoughtful. Lexa, who doesn’t make mistakes or errors. Lexa, who is as sure with a knife as some people are with walking, doesn’t accidentally cut herself. Part of her, a large part, wants to analyze why this girl has her so wrapped up, but a bigger part of her would rather spend the time thinking about how strikingly blue her eyes are or how if the summer breeze hits her it carries the scent of peonies and roses from her neck or how her eyebrow quirks right before she laughs. 

Lexa thinks about these things and more when the leg of her chair is nudged ever so slightly and a familiar voice breaks her reverie. 

“Your appendix tried to kill you and you sliced your hand open, how are you so calm?” The blonde asks facetiously. 

Lexa’s can’t help the smile that spreads across her formerly tranquil expression and slowly opens one eye to peek at the girl. 

“I’ve had plenty of practice with near-death experiences,”

The blonde rolls her eyes but her lips still stretch into a grin. “How’s your hand? Did they give you any pain medication?” She asks as she sits down across from her and picks up Lexa’s hand gently, turning it over and inspecting the bandage. 

Lexa looks down at her palm and tries not to focus to hard on the tingling in the back of her hand where it rests against the blonde’s finger tips. She smiles softly and a warmth creeps up her neck. She nearly shakes her head to clear it but stops before drawing more attention to herself. Slowly, she peels her eye away from her injured extremity and glances at the woman’s face. Her previous smile is steadily turning into worry, Lexa’s silence stretching just a little too long, so she finally shakes her head no. 

“It’s really not too bad, it barely hurt. I probably could have bandaged it myself, but since I was coming here anyway...” Lexa trails off and shrugs her shoulders. 

The blonde girl looks at her dubiously as she pulls out a few bills from her scrubs and telling Lexa to wait right there. Lexa obliges and watches her walk away. Even in scrubs her ass looks good. 

When she returns with food Lexa’s eyes widen slightly at the sheer volume of utter shit this girl is carrying back to the table. Multiple bags of chips, cookies and several candy bars fill her arms. Lexa looks up at her, dumbstruck. 

“Don't give me that look. Here,” she says, shoving half the bags into Lexa’s arms. “Make yourself useful,” Lexa looks up at her with a slight scowl and the blonde winks in return. She gently grabs Lexa’s bicep and urges her upward.

Lexa stands confusedly and tilts her head to ask the question her mouth can’t say because the blonde’s hand is still touching her skin and nearly every ounce of her attention is focused on that. The blonde slides her hand down to Lexa’s unbandaged hand, curling her cold fingers around all of Lexa’s and guiding her forward. Lexa’s brain is on overdrive but follows as the blonde leads her out of the cafeteria. They walk up a flight of stairs, pausing briefly when the blonde drops one of her candy bars. 

“Ef,” She whispers as she stops abruptly on the staircase, causing Lexa to bump into her slightly. 

“Oh, don’t censor yourself around me, I’m a big girl, I can handle it,”Lexa says and can see the blonde roll her eyes.

She lets go of Lexa’s hand and hurriedly grabs the snickers and puts it in her scrubs pocket. Lexa’s hand feels cold from loss of contact but barely has time to miss it before her fingers are being tugged at again and they continue making their way up two more flights of stairs. She’s led out a third floor doorway and down a long corridor. They make a right turn and then a quick left before the blonde stops and grins at a vending machine glowing a few feet from them. 

“Another one?” Lexa asks and looks down at the snacks in her hands as if to say, _this isn’t enough?_

“Relax, this one sells real food,” 

She drags Lexa forward so that they are in front of the machine and let’s go of her hand again. She looks down and pulls out some more money from her scrubs but Lexa has already inserted a ten dollar bill and looks quite pleased with herself. 

“You didn’t let me buy you lunch today,” She offers as an explanation. 

The blonde selects a chicken BLT and asks Lexa is she wants anything. It’s at that moment that Lexa’s stomach growls slightly and she realizes that she never actually ate dinner. She points to a sub sandwich and watches as the machine spins to collect it. The blonde also gets two vitamin waters and piles one of them on top of Lexa’s arms. 

“Follow me,” She says, putting her own vitamin water in the other scrubs pocket and resituating the pile of junk food in her arms. She places a Reeses’ peanut butter cup into her breast pocket, before turning to continue down the hall. 

“This is a lot of effort for dinner,”

“Well, if _someone_ hadn’t distracted me earlier today I would have had time to stop by the deli to grab food before work. The cafeteria closes at nine so during overnights I usually bring my own food,”

Lexa feels a pang of guilt hit her stomach, followed by a feeling of shame. If her hands weren’t full she would probably have smacked herself in the head. She mutters, _so stupid_ , under her breath and the girl turns her head in quiet alarm as they slow to a stop. 

“I was going to bring you dinner, I was cooking you some pasta because at the cafe you mentioned that you loved italian food, but then I sliced my hand open because I’m an idiot and I ruined it. So now you're eating junk instead,” Lexa says disheartedly. 

The blonde’s shoulders sink forward a little and she looks at Lexa fondly, like she’s a small, defenseless puppy. It makes Lexa’s stomach flip and tie itself into knots. 

“You made me dinner?” She says softly, her forehead wrinkled in concern.

“Technically, I didn’t finish, because I bled all over your dinner instead,” Lexa fidgets uncomfortably, trying to avert her eyes from the look of affection the blonde is giving her. 

The blonde’s pout turns to a grin and she chuckles softly, “Yeah, that's not the kind of sauce I want on my pasta,” 

Lexa looks down at her feet dejectedly and the blonde lifts her leg up and taps it against Lexa’s foot. 

“Hey,” She says and bends down so Lexa has to look at her and smiles softly. “You can make it up to me next time,” 

They walk down a few more hallways and Lexa thinks it’ll never end. Finally, the blonde stops in front of a door and swipes a key card. They enter the room and Lexa glances around. It’s dark but there is an ambient glow filling the space around them, coming from the neon green and red screens and buttons of several machines. The light flicks on and bathes the room in bright fluorescence and the blonde spills the packages in her arms all over the table in the corner. Lexa does the same, still glancing around the room. 

“Where are we?”

The blonde smirks and says, “Ironically, this is where we store blood,”

“We’re in a blood bank?” Lexa asks, failing to hold back her shock. 

She nods as she opens a bag of chips, “I eat in here all the time,”

“Isn’t that a little unsanitary?” Lexa asks as she unwraps her sandwich. 

“It’s not like I’m sprinkling my cheeto dust into the IV bags,” 

There’s only one office chair in the room so they happily eat the junk food and sandwiches while sitting on the floor and Lexa listens as the blonde explains the equipment around the room. 

“That’s a centrifuge, it separates plasma, red blood cells, and platelets. This is where the blood is stored, and this one here is plasma. Blood is only kept forty-two days, but if plasma is stored at the right temperature it can be kept for a year,” She points as she talks. 

Lexa feels the need to say something in response so she says, “When I was in college I donated blood on a regular basis since I have special blood,” As if that were something to brag about and she winces at her stupidity again and Lexa wonders how many times can you slap your face in your head. “I mean since my blood type is O-negative, which is pretty rare,” she continues. 

The blonde giggles a little before asking, “Do you not donate anymore? Hospitals are always short on O-neg,”

“Oh, it’s not that I don’t want to, I just can’t. I’m deferred right now,” Lexa mentions nonchalantly and then realizes she might have said too much. 

The blonde quirks her eyebrows. Lexa studies her for a moment, trying to hold back the grin on her face. She can tell how badly the other girl wants to ask why. She’s probably refraining because it’s a personal question, but Lexa knows curiosity is killing her. 

“Don’t give me that look,” The blonde throws a candy wrapped at Lexa. “I don’t even want to know why, it’s none of my business,”

“That’s okay, I’ll tell you. I’m deferred because -” Lexa trails off and nearly bursts out laughing because she can see the anticipation in the girl's posture as she leans forward slightly as if trying to hear Lexa better. “What’s your name?” Lexa says instead, suddenly drunk with power at having something to hold over the girl in front of her. 

The blonde is taken aback and her body slumps backwards in surprise. “What?” She asks, feigning innocence.

“You know, your name. Your identity. It is a series of letters strung together to form a word that people refer to you as. Sometimes they might use it to get your attention. Occasionally, if you’re in trouble it might be paired with your middle name in a stern tone. Often it is followed by a surname, some people call those last names. If you go to a convention, they give you a name tag, where you write your name in it for people to see so they know what to call you. When someone wants to write you a letter, they would need to address it, by writing your name on the envelope. Say someone wanted your phone number, so they could take you on a date, they would save it in their phone with your name and maybe a few emjoi’s next to it,” Lexa rambles sarcastically, talking with her hands

The blonde grins wildly at Lexa and sets the plastic container from her lap on the ground next to her. It’s empty save for the crusts of her sandwich. Unexpectedly, the girl crawls forward on all fours, closing the distance between herself and Lexa, before opening her mouth to speak. Lexa’s eyes widen. The other girl is incredibly close to Lexa’s face and Lexa forgets all the words she was about to say. Lexa forgets everything she ever knew. Lexa forgets her own name.

“Emoji’s?” The blonde asks with a smile and leans in even closer, slowly placing her arms on either side of Lexa’s criss-crossed legs. 

She’s so close that Lexa can feel her exhale as she speaks and her arms brush Lexa’s kneecaps. Lexa can smell the floral perfume the girl wears and closes her eyes for a second and inhales deeply to take it in. 

“Yeah, if they liked you enough,” Lexa responds, swallowing thickly, trying to calm her nerves. She wipes her hands on her pants because suddenly the temperature controlled room feels very, very hot. 

“What would you put next to my name?” The blonde whispers next to her ear. Goosebumps shoot down Lexa’s side and her stomach flips. 

The blonde tilts her head causing her lips to just so softly brush against Lexa’s, but then the girl pulls back a little. Lexa can’t help herself but to follow and pushes upward eagerly to close the space between their lips. Suddenly, the blonde pushes herself backwards and settles back against the cabinet she was previously leaning against. Lexa exhales loudly and shakes her head grumpily. The blonde bursts out laughing and Lexa glares at her, a burn traveling up her neck to her cheeks. 

“You know which emoji you would have?” Lexa sneers and shakes her head disapprovingly. 

“Huh-uh, let’s hear it,” The blonde manages to spit out through her cackling. 

Lexa allows her muscles to relax and she scoots against the wall behind her before answering, “You’re obviously a smiling piece of shit,” which only makes the blonde laugh harder. 

Lexa waits patiently for the blondes giggles to quell, which takes some time, because whenever the blonde seems to be slowing down she glances up at Lexa and starts all over again. It probably doesn’t help that Lexa keeps glowering at her and once even stuck out her tongue, but part of Lexa wants the girl to keep laughing because it might be one of the best things she’s ever heard. At the same time it knots Lexa’s stomach and causes a shiver to run up her body. It seems to take ages for the blonde’s laughter to disappear and when it does she looks up at Lexa in a way that makes her heart nearly stop. Lexa inhales sharply and holds her breath to steady herself, because she suddenly feels dizzy, like she’s on a cruise ship and the ground is moving underneath her. 

She watches as the girl glances down to the pager at her waist and mutters a curse telling Lexa her lunch is over and she’s got a surgery to prep for. She stands and Lexa follows, grabbing the countless plastic chip bags and candy wrappers they’ve left in their wake. A comfortable silence falls between them as the blonde leads Lexa back down the the main floor but Lexa can’t help but feel a little disappointed that she doesn’t get anymore time with the blonde in front of her. 

“I’ve got to head this way, can you find your way out?” She asks Lexa, pointing down the opposite hallway. 

Lexa dumps their wrappers into a trash can and nods her head. “I think I can manage. I got pretty familiar with this place in the last few hours,” she responds.

“Oh yeah, a few nurses told me I had a stalker, I’m assuming that was you,” 

“I plead the fifth,” Lexa grins.

The girl waves goodbye and starts walking away, but stops and spins around on her heel. “Tell me something,” The blonde asks, suddenly more serious.

“Hmm?” Lexa tilts her head. 

“Today, at the coffee shop - did you go there on purpose just to see if I’d show up again? Or was it just luck?”

“Oh, I don’t believe in luck, just probability,” Lexa says and winks. 

“And me going to the coffee shop today had a, what? High probability?” The blonde chuckles. 

“Based on the amount of shots I saw you take last night, yes, it was pretty high,” Lexa explains with a soft smile causing her to laugh again, this time throwing her head back a little when she does. “Have a good rest of your shift,”

“Oh I will,” She says sarcastically, looking down at the watch on her wrist. “I only have...five more hours.”

“Barely any time at all,” Lexa says facetiously. 

The blonde studies Lexa for a minute before stepping up close. Extremely close. So close that it makes Lexa swallow again and causes her brain to lose oxygen. If the girl gets any close she might be able to hear Lexa’s heartbeat. Actually, her heart is beating so loudly that she might be able to hear it already. All she can focus on is the smell of peony and roses that’s overwhelming her senses. Lexa stands stock still as the girl leans in and Lexa can feel her torso graze against her shirt. They look at each other for a long time before the girl effortlessly pulls Lexa’s phone out of her front pocket and puts a number in. Lexa tries not to glance down as the girl texts herself the phrase, _“coffee shop hottie”_ so she can have Lexa’s number too. Lexa tries not to think about any of it, because if she does she might lose feeling in her legs too. After all, they feel like jello right now. 

“I’ll see you later Lexa,” she says and slides Lexa’s phone back into her pocket. 

She steps away and starts down the hallway. Lexa’s throat is dry and scratchy and she opens her mouth to say something but shuts it without a sound, watching her walk away. When the blonde is out of sight she pulls out her phone, eagerly scrolling to the C’s, searching for a name. Discouraged, she doesn’t see any new contacts and switches over to the text she knows the girl sent. She scoffs when she sees the new number saved with a poop emoji followed by heart eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I would love comments letting me know what you think! I'm probably going to switch between POV's the next few chapters.


	6. Chapter 6

**Lexa:** You’re a turd _(11:06pm)_

**Clarke:** I have no idea what you’re talking about :P _(11:08pm)_

Clarke slides her phone back into her scrubs pocket, her heart beating embarrassingly fast for simply reading a text message. It’s been beating uncontrollably the whole night actually, ever since she saw Lexa sitting in the trauma area. It got worse when Lexa admitted to her in the hallway, face full of regret, that she had been trying to make her dinner. Make _her_ dinner. She was so overcome by the thought that she could have burst into tears. Or kissed her. She did neither, of course, but her heart just persisted in beating even harder at that revelation. At one point it was thumping so forcefully against her chest that she inconspicuously checked her pulse while Lexa was looking down at her food. 

It was through the roof, naturally. If she didn’t know better she’d have thought she’d just been sprinting around the building. For the briefest of moments this might have concerned Clarke, but then Lexa looked at her and she decided she would gladly have a heart attack if it meant she could spend even a few more minutes with the green-eyed girl sitting in front of her. So she sits back and takes a bite of her dinner (a cheeto, it was a cheeto) as her heart pummels her from the inside out. 

After her surgery finishes and she cleans and prepares the next operating room she yawns and walks to the break room to grab another coffee. She groans audibly when she finds the pot empty. Someone obviously forgot the golden rule of the hospital coffee pot: if the coffee’s through, you must re-brew. She starts a new batch but decides she can’t wait that long for caffeine and turns her attention to the cappuccino machine to her right. She usually steers clear of it since the concoctions it spews out are 90% sugar and water. She’d be hard pressed to believe that it actually contains espresso. She pushes the vanilla latte button and watches as the machine gurgles and spurts out water first and then a cream colored liquid that was probably a powder seconds before. She takes a sip and it’s cloyingly sweet and really fucking hot, god damn. She huffs over to one of the chairs and slumps her shoulders. She waits about thirty seconds before pulling out her phone to text Lexa.

 **Clarke:** I wish The Ark had a cafe in the hospital, this is the worst latte I’ve ever had _(1:43am)_

She waits for a moment before a sudden jolt of panic strikes through her as she realizes that it’s nearly two in the morning and that Lexa is probably asleep, like an average person.

 _Aw fuck, I’m such an asshole,_ Clarke thinks and shoots off another text.

 **Clarke:** Oh my god, I’m an idiot, I didn’t realize what time it was. I’m so sorry if I woke you _(1:44am)_  
**Clarke:** Omg I just did it again, fuck my life _(1:44am)_

If a single text didn’t wake Lexa up, three texts sent rapid fire surely did. Clarke chews on her lip and uncomfortably fidgets in the plastic chair. When her phone buzzes, she’s both giddy with excitement and then instantly filled with guilt. And there goes her heart again. She might have to get someone in cardio to check her out. 

**Lexa:** It’s alright lol I’d rather be woken up by you than by my neighbor. I’ll talk to the manager at The Ark and maybe see if I can set something up at the mountain ;) _(1:46am)_

**Clarke:** haha okay, I’m glad you’re not mad. I’ll let you sleep _(1:47pm)_

**Lexa:** text me when you wake up tomorrow, goodnight...poopface _(1:49am)_

**Clarke:** hahaha poopface?! That’s so rude lol _(1:49am)_

**Lexa:** Well until you tell me your real name that’s all i’ve got _(1:50am)_

Clarke stares at the screen, grinning, contemplating whether or not she should spill. She’s clearly dragged this out as far as it goes. She begins to type it but hits the backspace button. There’s no harm in dragging it out until tomorrow. Poopface is endearing, right?

 **Clarke:** touché, goodnight Lexa :) _(1:52am)_

\-------------------------------------------

Clarke sleeps until half past two in the afternoon. She does this, despite being very rudely awakened at 9:00am by an incessant rapping on her wall. It sounds like a hammer hitting a nail. Who hangs pictures at 9 in the morning on a Sunday? She’s so tired though she completely conks out again when the noise subsides. She’s woken up again at 10:45am to a rather abrupt bang to her wall. Still, she goes back to sleep. At noon she thinks she hears someone punching something, which doesn’t make sense because she’s 99% sure her neighbor is a crotchety old bitch with nothing to do with her time but pound on her wall, or complain to the building covenant, or CONSTANTLY WAKE HER UP. It’s 1pm now and there go the hedgeclippers again. What the fuck is that? Finally, finally Clarke finds peace and falls back to sleep. She wakes up again to the ring of her phone. She answers it groggily because she was in the middle of a very pleasant dream involving Lexa and lots and lots of kissing. 

Damn, she wishes she kissed her last night. She does this every time. She teases and toys with people to hide how fucking nervous she is. She can’t help it. It’s all an act and it took all of her acting chops last night not to let Lexa chase her lips. Pushing herself back against the cabinet felt like moving through quicksand. Her body felt drawn to Lexa like an electromagnet. There was a constant pull toward her and she could barely resist it. 

“Herro?” Clarke chokes out, throat scratchy and dry from sleep. 

“Oh no, I’m so sorry, I thought you’d be awake by now, please, please go back to sleep, I am so sorry,” 

The world still feels a little hazy and it takes Clarke a few seconds of squinted eyes and intense concentration to hear the words being frantically stated on the other end. 

“Lex-Lexa?” Clarke asks, her voice still thick with sleep but regaining clarity. 

“Yeah, I’m very sorry, I thought ten hours would be enough time,”

“Ah, you underestimate me, if there’s one thing I can do, it’s sleep,” Clarke chuckles and this seems to relax Lexa a little. She can hear her giggle softly on the other end.

“What are you doing today?” Lexa asks softly, a little shyer than usual. 

“Uhn...you?” Clarke blurts out, her brain moving too fast for her mouth. She thinks she misses a few words in that sentence. Clarke squints her eyes and puts her hand over her face, dragging her fingers down against her skin, letting her fingers catch on her bottom lip and pull it down slowly. She hears a pause and short chuckle from Lexa on the other end. “That came out wrong. I meant, hanging out with you?” Clarke corrects. 

“That’s what I was hoping,” Lexa says cheerfully and Clarke can almost hear the smile on her face.

“Want to meet at The Ark in an hour?” 

“It's a date,” Lexa says evenly and hangs up.

Clarke's stomach flips and she smiles stupidly at the words before her stomach drops in panic and she jolts out of bed. She has no idea why she said an hour, she can't get ready for anything in an hour, let alone a date. What time is it?? She glances to the clock at her bedside and it reads 2:38pm. 

She runs to the bathroom, stripping her shirt and shorts off on the walk over. Luckily, Clarke doesn’t sleep in a bra and underwear, two less things to remove, valuable seconds gained. She turns the water on and pauses for a second to play music on her phone. 

Clarke can’t do anything without noise. Silence makes her uncomfortable. If she’s doing dishes or cleaning her apartment, she’ll have the tv on in the background or music bumping out of her speakers. She sleeps with a fan on in her room, even in the middle of winter, so she can fall asleep to the whir of the blades. Normally, she’d pick a playlist that fit her mood, but since she is in a hurry today she just presses shuffle and the first song is by Vampire Weekend. She’s pleased with the selection and sets her phone in the oversized green mug she keeps on a shelf in the bathroom to amplify the sound. 

She steps into the shower and bobs her head along to the beat of _Horchata_. When it’s over she chuckles to herself because the second song is _Summer Nights_ from Grease. She briefly considers hopping out and changing it but who is she kidding, that song is on her phone for a reason. She bounces along to it and sings both Danny’s _and_ Sandy’s parts.

_Summer lovin’, had me a blast  
Summer lovin’, happened so fast_

_I met a girl, crazy for me  
I met a boy, cute as can be_

She sings the Pink Ladies and T-Birds parts too, because she might have been in the Grease musical in high school. Might have been. 

_Well-a well-a well-a huh_  
Tell me more, tell me more  
Did you get very far? 

_Tell me more, tell me more  
Like does he have a car?_

She may or may not know some of the choreography from the movie too and she may or may not do some of that choreography in the shower why she’s shampooing her hair.

_He got friendly, holding my hand  
She got friendly down in the sand_

She may or may not fall out of the shower. 

**OH FUCK BUCKET!**

Clarke bites her lip and hits her elbow against the toilet on the way down. Right in the funny bone. She really shouldn’t have done the scuba dive dance move when there was shampoo on the floor of the shower. She knocks pretty much every bottle on the edge her tub off and nearly rips her shower curtain down in the process. She moans loudly as she struggles to get up, her feet still in the shower but her ass firmly planted outside of it, water pooling all over the floor. She can taste blood in her mouth and knows she split her lip. 

Then she hears it, a soft knock to the wall. Faint, almost tentative, but there nonetheless. 

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, Clarke thinks. _I just fell out of the shower_. It’s not like she did it on purpose, and it’s like three in the afternoon, who cares if you make noise mid-day? She struggles to sit up again and her legs slip against the slick ceramic of the tub. 

Another noise causes her to freeze. She barely catches it over the song of her music and the sound of water droplets hitting the bottom of her shower unobstructed, save for her feet. 

There it is again. Soft and muffled by the wall, but the distinct sound of someone asking if you’re okay. 

Clarke hesitates for a moment, blinking water out of her eyes, her arms extending behind her, propping up her torso and water lightly sprinkling her feet. She’s kind of shocked that her neighbor would care if she was alright or not. In fact, she’d half expect her to be rejoicing in Clarke’s potential death. Clarke wouldn’t be surprised if her neighbor is only asking so that she can be sure that Clarke’s met her untimely demise. She needs confirmation so that she can call the building manager and arrange for Clarke’s things and body to be removed immediately. 

And yet, another, louder question floats through the walls and Clarke notes a genuine tone of concern. Maybe her neighbor does have a heart. 

“Uhh...yeah, I’m fine!” Clarke yells out as she stands up slowly and gingerly rubs her elbow. 

This vocal assurance seems to satisfy the voice behind the wall and she doesn’t hear anything else from her neighbor. Cautiously, she gets back up to finish showering, this time avoiding any potentially hazardous dance moves. After a few minutes she leaves the shower and can hear her neighbor’s door close.  
\-------------------------------

She’s struggling to pull on a pair of shorts over her still-damp thighs when she hears her text tone go off from her phone in the bathroom. She hops over to the door and manages to slide them the rest of the way. Grabbing her toothbrush with one hand and her phone with the other, she chuckles as she spreads toothpaste over the bristles and reads the message. 

**Lexa:** Is it Claire? _(3:04pm)_

**Clarke:** haha this is really eating at you isn’t it? _(3:04pm)_

**Lexa:** I’M GOING MAD. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST TELL ME. _(3:05pm)_  
**Lexa:** I mean what? No...it’s barely bothering me at all _(3:05pm)_

**Clarke:** Oh yeah, you seem very composed lol _(3:06pm)_

Clarke looks into the mirror and stops brushing for a second to inspect her face. She let’s the toothbrush loll to the side and pulls her swollen bottom lip down to reveal the cut from her fall. She looks like someone punched her. That’s what she’ll say, she thinks as she moves her hand back over to the blue handle of the toothbrush and her phone buzzes again. And again. And again. And again. Her eyes widen slightly, wondering what the deal is. 

**Lexa:** Claudia _(3:06pm)_  
**Lexa:** Clancy _(3:06pm)_  
**Lexa:** Clover _(3:06pm)_  
**Lexa:** Clarissa _(3:06pm)_

Clarke tilts her head back and laughs through a mouthful of toothpaste. She spits into the sink before typing a reply, barely suppressing the beaming grin that has spread across her face. The kind of smile that makes your face hurt and you try to purse your lips to make it disappear, but it just comes back stronger. This girl is special, Clarke thinks. 

**Clarke:** You’re googling names that start with Cl aren’t you? _(3:08pm)_

**Lexa:** No... _(3:08pm)_  
**Lexa:** ...Yes _(3:09pm)_

Clarke shakes with silent laughter as she finishes brushing her teeth. She should probably just tell her already, but now it feels like she has to do it in person. She’ll tell Lexa today, wherever they end up. 

**Lexa:** There are surprisingly not that many, I find it hard to believe that I haven’t already guessed it. UNLESS YOU ARE LYING TO ME. _(3:11pm)_

**Clarke:** I would never, we both know that I play fair and square. I’m as honest as Abe Lincoln _(3:12pm)_

**Lexa:** Whatever you say Clifford, I’ll see you in a few ;) _(3:13pm)_

_Oh, shit, shit, shit._

Clarke’s eyes widen when she looks at the timestamp on the last text message. She’s going to be fucking late. It takes like ten minutes to walk to The Ark. She opts not to dry her hair and flies out of the bathroom to grab a shirt. Of course, she hasn’t done laundry in forever, so it takes her way too much time to find a clean t-shirt. She settles on a navy blue shirt that smells mostly clean and decides that’s good enough. Running back to the bathroom she douses herself in an extra pump of her body spray to her neck and shirt. She grabs her keys and wallet, slides on a pair of black flip flops and slams the door behind her.  
\---------------------------------  
Clarke walks as fast as her legs will carry her. So fast that she’s starting to feel a burn in her calves. She glances down at her phone, 3:56pm. Crap. Rounding the corner she can finally see the huge blue-ish grey half circle sign with The Ark’s logo on it. It sits on top of the building and is easily ten feet tall and can be seen from the little balcony of her apartment. Below the large letters that spell out The Ark, it says “Proudly serving Jaha Coffee.”

Clarke spots Lexa immediately. God, she’s gorgeous. Her hair is pulled back into a slightly messy ponytail and she’s dressed really casual, in a white sleeveless shirt that has a square picture of the sky on it. Her lack of sleeves exposes her muscular arms and tattoo again and Clarke has to stop herself from drooling. The sides of Lexa’s shirt are cut so low that the grey of her sports bra peeks out from under her arms and she has a plaid button up tied around her waist. She’s also wearing skinny jeans, which is crazy because it’s got to be over 90 degrees today and Clarke already feels like she’s melting. She’s silently thankful she didn’t bother drying her hair because a gust of hot wind picks up behind her and the damp strands of her hair grazing against her skin are a cool relief against the scorching sun. 

Lexa looks up from her phone as if somehow aware of Clarke’s presence. Clarke is still standing fifty feet away, just observing Lexa peacefully. She’s almost embarrassed when Lexa makes eye contact with her and grins. Almost. Part of her likes that Lexa knows she was staring. 

She walks up to the brunette and glances down at the table, noticing a second drink already made for her. She smiles and sits down opposite the other girl and takes a sip. 

“I figured it was probably another 6 shot kind of day, right?” Lexa gestures to the drink.

“Yeah, my neighbor kept waking me up, actually. I didn’t sleep great,” Clarke responds, tilting her head. 

“I hate that, mine is the same way. Well, you don’t look tired at all, you look wonderful,” 

They sit across from each other, silently look into each other’s eyes for longer than they should. Clarke sucks on her lip and glances down at Lexa’s mouth. Her eyes linger there for a few seconds, remembering her dream and when she looks back up Lexa’s expression has changed. Her smile is small and slanted and her face has turned intense and focused and she looks almost _hungry_. Her shadowed green eyes are heavy and they are yelling silently to Clarke, challenging her. For a second Clarke unconsciously leans forward and then snaps out of it. It’s so jarring to Clarke that she shakes her head and asks Lexa a question to distract herself. 

“Have you been here long? Sorry I’m late,” she squeaks out and finds herself clearing her throat afterward. She’s suddenly feeling the heat a little stronger now, even though they are sitting in the shade. 

“Not long,” Lexa states, not breaking her stare at Clarke. 

Clarke’s stomach flips, twists, knots and does an entire damn rollercoaster ride. She squirms in her chair and tries to look anywhere but at Lexa. She has a feeling she is doing this to intentionally mess with her head. When Clarke glances at the table she sees two receipts. For some reason this seems to distract Lexa who moves her hand to shield them but Clarke quickly grabs them and holds them out of Lexa’s reach. The first, Lexa’s Iced Coffee, was purchased at...3:16pm. She lied, she’s been here forever. The second, Clarke’s Iced Americano, was purchased at 3:40pm and Clarke showed up another fifteen minutes after that. 

“You liar!” Clarke yells, both feeling triumphant that the sultry expression on Lexa’s face has now been wiped clean and extraordinarily guilty that Lexa has been waiting here for nearly 45 minutes.

“It hasn’t been that long,” Lexa shrugs.

“You’ve been here almost an hour, I’m really sorry,” Clarke frowns and a pout forms across her face. 

“I was already in the area and I wanted to get here early to buy you a drink. Besides I - hey what happened to your lip?” Lexa’s brow furrows with concern and confusion. 

“Oh, nothing. I, uh, got into a fight,” 

“You got into a fight in the single hour that you’ve been awake?” Lexa asks sarcastically and her hand reaches up automatically to brush over the cut lightly with her thumb. Her hand cups Clarke’s face and it’s cold against Clarke’s cheek from her grip on her own iced coffee. Her thumb is smooth and gentle as it grazes Clarke’s lip. Clarke’s eyes flutter closed at the sensation and is disappointed when Lexa pulls her hand away and asks, “What _really_ happened?”

“My teeth got into a fight with my jaw and my lip was an innocent bystander. Just in the wrong place at the wrong time,” Clarke explains. 

Lexa slants her eyes at her suspiciously but a smile quickly comes back to her lips. Clarke softens a little, previously unaware at the tension she was holding in her body. She’s a little thankful that Lexa’s glance has returned to normal because her own heart rate couldn’t handle much more of that. 

She takes a sip of her drink and thanks Lexa for buying it. Lexa nods and smiles happily at Clarke, peaceful and silent. Clarke doesn’t really do silence but with Lexa is seems natural. She would gladly sit here all afternoon, just looking at Lexa, without saying a word. 

“Would you like to get going?” Lexa asks her. Clarke’s head tilts to the side in confusion and Lexa laughs before adding, “You didn’t think we’d just sit here all day did you?” Clarke’s expression must have betrayed her and Lexa laughs again before standing up and reaching for Clarke’s hand. “Come on, we have a little bit of a walk,” 

Clarke let’s Lexa take hold of her hand for a moment to pull her out of her chair. Lexa’s hand is still cold from her drink and it’s soft and chilly against her palm. After a second though, she removes her hand from Lexa’s and loops her arm through Lexa’s instead. She sees Lexa’s shoulders dip a little in disappointment but Clarke thinks it’s much too hot to hold hands. She is a little paranoid that Lexa will think her hands are sweaty and suddenly decide Clarke is disgusting and want nothing to do with her. 

A welcome breeze blows by them as they walk and it makes Clarke’s stomach dip as she breathes in. Lexa smells intoxicating. She smells like...nature. Like the way the forest smells in the morning or the city after it rains and there’s maybe a hint of cedar or pine to it and Clarke knows that Lexa isn’t wearing perfume, that’s just _her_. When the breeze dies down, Clarke thinks would give anything to bury her head against Lexa and breathe it in again. 

Lexa takes her a several blocks north of The Ark and then turns and heads east for awhile. They still have their arms linked and Clarke sips happily on her coffee with her free hand. Lexa finished hers before they left and she walks with both hands in her pockets. Well, one hand is in her pocket, the left simply loops her thumb over the edge of the fabric because it’s still wrapped in gauze. 

“Where are you taking me?” Clarke asks after several minutes of walking. 

“Be patient, we’re almost there,” Lexa says softly. 

“We’ve been walking foreverrrrrr,” Clarke whines and Lexa grins. 

“Alright, I’ll do my best to distract you from that Princess,” 

Clarke glares her eyes and reaches over Lexa to throw her cup away in a trashcan as they pass by, careful not to break arms with her. As they walk Lexa asks her questions and Clarke answers most of them, except for the ones that are just Lexa thinking of creative ways to ask her what her name is.

“Favorite food?” 

“French fries, yours?”

“Salad,” Lexa returns. “Guilty pleasure?”

“Wait, wait, wait, your favorite food is salad? That’s rabbit food,” Clarke says in disbelief. 

“Alright judgy, I just really like salad,” Lexa says defensively but a smile on her face nonetheless. 

“Okay, what’s your second favorite food then? Please say it’s not broccoli or something,”

Lexa thinks for a second and then says, “Garlic bread,” 

“Oh good, that’s better...normal," Clarke says and wipes her forehead like it was some sort of close call. Lexa shakes her head disapprovingly and asks her again what her guilty pleasure is.

“Musicals,” Clarke laughs and looks at Lexa shyly. 

“Oh yeah? What’s your favorite one?”

“Lion King...or Grease...or Wicked, or Rent. I don’t know. I love them all,” Clarke laughs embarrassedly, leaning into Lexa and letting her hand travel down to Lexa’s wrist. She leans her forehead on Lexa’s shoulder for a second and Clarke thinks she can hear Lexa’s breath hitch. She pulls her head away from Lexa’s shoulder, eyes glancing at the tattoo there before resuming her earlier position as they keep walking. It takes a few seconds to tick by before Lexa asks her another question. 

“Your name rhymes with what?” 

“It rhymes with schmice try,”

Lexa smirks as they turn the corner and she points across the street to a large, one story rectangular building with a mostly empty parking lot and a huge sign out front that says, _Azgeda Lanes Bowling Alley_. The building looks like it was blue and white many years ago, but the paint is cracked and faded, causing it to look morose and downtrodden. It looks sketchy as fuck, to be honest. 

“Bowling?” Clarke asks in dismay. 

“Yes,”

“This is where you want to go?”

“Yes,” Lexa laughs. 

“But this looks like someplace serial killers hang out,”

“Oh we do, I’m part of a league. Our team name is Murder By Bumpers,”

“Fitting,” Clarke laughs.

“We meet every Wednesday and play against Spare Your Life, Frame Job... Split Into Pieces and... Gutt ‘Er Up.” Lexa says looking up into the sky as she thinks and listing them on her fingers.

“So did you bring me here to kill me?” Clarke slants her eyes. 

“Not right away, I like to play with my food before I eat it. Let’s go,” Lexa plasters on a huge grin and grabs Clarke’s hand as she leads her across the street. Clarke tries not to pay too much attention to the way she interlocks their fingers. Or the way that her heart is thundering against her chest. 

They enter the building and it smells as stale as it looks. There’s a faint smell of butter in the air mixed with the unmistakeable smell of bowling alley. Clarke isn’t sure what “bowling alley” smell is exactly, but she’s sure that the smell of feet factors in there somewhere. 

The lanes are actually well kept and it reminds her of her new apartment building - dingy and displaced on the outside, but not so bad on the inside. There’s only a few other bowlers inside and the speakers are softly playing old-timey 50s hits. In fact, the entire bowling alley is plastered with poodle-skirt era decorations like a neon jukeboxes, Elvis Presley clocks, and drive-in style signage advertising Coca-Cola and Hot Dogs for 10 cents. Checkered black and white carpet leads to the shoe counter, which is made from the front end of a 57’ chevy and the attendants pastel blue uniform looks like it came from straight from the 50s too. Clarke finds the atmosphere to be fun, but somewhat unsettling, like this place has been frozen in time and everyone inside has no idea that the world kept going on without them. 

“Shoe size?” The attendant, a thin man with slick black hair and pointed jaw, asks as they approach. 

“Oh no, I’m not wearing socks!,” Clarke gasps as she looks down at her flip flop clad feet. 

“Ah, I came prepared for that,” Lexa says and reaches into her back pocket and pulls out a pair of white socks. 

Except they aren’t all white, they have little designs on them and as Clarke takes them from Lexa she realizes that the little designs are small, brown, smiling poop emoji’s. She swats Lexa on the arm. 

“Oh my god, tell me you already had these,” 

“Yeah they’re mine actually, I’ve only worn them every day this week so they are still clean,” Lexa laughs. “I’m kidding, I found them at a gift store a few blocks from The Ark, that’s why I got there early today,” 

Clarke rolls her eyes and they collect their shoes from the apathetic man at the counter and set up at a lane on the far right side of the building. Lexa helps Clarke pick out her ball by suggesting one that is easily sixteen pounds and causes Clarke to nearly drop it from surprise when Lexa puts it in her arms. The next ball Lexa selects for her is seven pounds because she didn’t know Clarke was a “weakling”. 

When they finally have their balls, Clarke’s a swirly blue one and Lexa’s a bright candy red, they put on their shoes. Lexa points to the lane computer while she’s tying her laces and tells Clarke to get them set up. Lexa tells Clarke she’ll be right back and heads over to the food counter a few lanes away. Clarke smiles knowingly. She can actually feel Lexa’s excitement even from here. Lexa cranes her neck to watch as Clarke steps over to the computer and Clarke knows she should probably just give it up now. 

But Clarke is a little shit. 

She types in _Griffin_. She’s got to give the girl something. 

“Oh, come on!” Lexa says as she returns, disgruntled. She’s carrying a basket of french fries.

Clarke grins up at her smugly. Lexa’s just so easy to mess with, she gets a sick pleasure from toying with her. Lexa leans over and types in _Woods_. 

“It’s Cletus isn’t it? That’s why you won’t tell me, you’re too embarrassed,”

“Yes,” Clarke giggles, “You guessed it, that’s exactly right,”

“I’m tempted not to give you these Griffin,” Lexa says and pops a french fry in her mouth. 

Clarke reaches for the basket and Lexa swings it out of her reach, a smug smile now stretching across her own face. She wags her finger at Clarke and mouths, no, no, no. Clarke lurches out off of the red and sparkly stool in front of the lane computer and chases Lexa around the tables. 

They play three games and Lexa finds out that Clarke is a terrible bowler. She holds the ball the wrong way and throws her arm across her body, nearly guaranteeing a gutter ball each time. She even granny bowls it a few times when she realizes she has nothing to lose, much to Lexa’s amusement. Clarke’s high score ends up being 48, whereas Lexa’s high score turns out to be 166 and she even has a bum hand. 

“Well, that was embarrassing,” Clarke says as they start to carry their shoes back to the counter. 

“Yeah, this is awkward, league rules state that I have to murder anyone who doesn’t score at least a 50,” Lexa says, grimacing and sucking in air through gritted teeth. 

“That’s fair, I understand,” Clarke says seriously. “Just make it quick,”

Lexa stops walking suddenly and it catches Clarke off guard. The steely look she was giving her at the cafe has returned and she takes an intentional step into Clarke’s space. Clarke moves backward out of reflex and her back bumps against the wall. Lexa bows her head forward, so that her forehead touches Clarke’s and the tips of their noses brush. Lexa reaches her hand up to Clarke’s face and gently drags a finger down her cheek. Her touch is feather light and if Clarke couldn’t see it with her own two eyes she might not believe it was happening, but it sends a shiver down her side and the hairs on her neck to stand on end, nevertheless. 

“Oh no,” Lexa whispers, her lips dangerously close to Clarke’s mouth. “I like to take my time,” 

Clarke’s breath hitches and she swallows dryly, her blue eyes taking in the seriousness of Lexa’s green ones before flitting down to her lips and back up again. Lexa stays close and unmoving before her lips slowly stretch into a triumphant grin. She starts to laugh and Clarke shoves her back. 

“You’re a jerk,” Clarke says, blushing furiously. Lexa merely winks in return. 

Clarke tries to pay for her game but Lexa flat out refuses. Instead, she waits patiently, leaning against the counter and singing along to the radio under her breath as the thin clerk rings Lexa up. Lexa cocks her head and asks what Clarke is singing and says it sounds familiar but she can’t place it. Clarke points to the speaker above them. 

“It’s from Grease,” She says sheepishly. “Kind of ironic, actually,”

“Why’s that?” Lexa asks curiously.

“Oh, uh... long story, nevermind,” Clarke says, self-conscious and red-faced again. There is absolutely no way is she telling Lexa that she fell in the shower today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer to make up for a short chapter 7 to follow. Next up Lexa finally figures out what the mysterious blonde girls name is...just not in the way she'd hoped ;)


	7. Chapter 7

Lexa blends a smoothie from behind her kitchen counter. It takes her several cycles to get the consistency right because she makes so many smoothies her blender’s motor is totally shot. It whines and crackles before making a high pitched whirring sound and stopping abruptly. She pushes the blend button again and it rattles and wheezes before it finally starts to spin. She really needs a new one of these, it’s starting to sound like a weedwhacker and she’s a little nervous it might burst into flames soon. As she pours the smoothie into two glasses Lexa glances across the room toward Raven who is a sweaty mess. She lays motionless on the floor, arms splayed out to her sides. A few strands of hair stick damply to her glistening forehead and her chest moves up and down with heavy breathing. 

“I’m going to die. I think you’ve actually killed me this time,” She mutters breathlessly.

“You’re being pathetic. Woman up and drink this,” Lexa hands her a glass of the protein smoothie. 

Raven takes the beverage and sits up. She shuffles over a few feet so she can lean against the couch and groans with the effort. “Everything hurts,” she whines, pinching her eyes shut and leaning her head back against the sofa.

“Pain is weakness. You said you wanted to get in shape. I think your exact words were ‘I want big muscles like yours.’” 

“Nice muscles. I said “nice muscles”. They don’t have to be big, I think we can be done now, these look good to me,” Raven corrects and holds up her bicep, barely flexing at all. 

“I told you this would take effort. I don’t have time for laziness or quitters,” Lexa says and Raven silently mocks her like a petulant child. 

Lexa laughs and shakes her head as she plops down in her easy chair to the right of Raven. For a couple weeks she's been training Raven in her apartment after they both get off work and Sunday mornings. Lexa would much rather train Raven at the gym but Raven refuses to go there until she can “hang with the badasses”, so they are starting slow and working their way up to badassery. Part of Lexa is glad that she hasn't brought Raven to the gym because Raven is the biggest baby she's ever trained in her life. She talks a big game but she is nowhere as feisty as Lexa thought she'd be. 

For the most part they work out in the living room by moving the furniture, but to practice boxing they have to go into Lexa’s room, because she's hung a punching bag up in there. They’ve been doing a little of everything and Lexa has realized that Raven is not athletic in any way. So she kicks her ass every day and Raven hates her for it. 

They have fallen into a routine and when the workout is over Lexa makes a protein shake and they talk on the couch while they drink it. Lexa has learned a lot about Raven in the process and they've become fast friends since she interrupted Raven’s quarrel with Sinclair a couple months ago. She talks to Raven nearly as often as she talks to Anya, which is saying something because it's been a long time since she's had a close friend like this. Lexa doesn't let people in very often. Except recently a mysterious blonde girl and a loud mouthed engineer have brought down Lexa’s defenses. Maybe Lexa is growing as a person. 

Lexa yawns, suddenly feeling overtired and not just from their workout. She sighs and her eyes flutter closed for a second. Raven lolls her head in Lexa’s direction and takes another swig of her drink while she contemplates. 

“That Clarke guy still keeping you up?” She asks. 

“Pretty much every night, yeah. Oh, did I tell you a couple weeks ago I heard a girl in his apartment?”

“Ooh, scandalous,” Raven says and drums her fingers together. 

“Yeah, I was kind of shocked. I can't believe anyone would date him. Anyway, I heard her in the bathroom,” Lexa goes on.

“Ew, gross,” Raven grimaces as she takes a drink of her smoothie.

“No, stupid, not like that!” Lexa laughs. “I actually think she fell out of the shower. I heard her singing and then there was a huge crash,” 

“Oh, that's embarrassing,” Raven smirks. 

“I felt bad for her, first sleeping with a douche bag like Clarke and then falling out of the shower. She's O for 2.” Lexa yawns again.

“I can't believe Clarke is still pulling this bullshit, you should talk to Titus again,”

“I think I will. It sucks because I've been staying up late to text or call Griffin on her breaks at work, and then when I finally go to bed Clarke just wakes me up a few hours later,” Lexa explains.

“I can't believe Princess still hasn't told you her first name,” Raven says, shaking her head disapprovingly. 

“She said she'll tell me this weekend,” Lexa counters. “She's going to take me somewhere. I think she thinks that she's waited so long that now it has to be some sort of huge reveal. I would just settle for a text to be honest,” Lexa scoffs but smiles at the thought of the blonde taking her on a date just to reveal her name.

It's been almost two weeks since the bowling alley. Lexa has learned that she and her mystery girl, Griffin, as she started calling her, have completely opposite schedules and it's been nearly impossible to see each other. Every day when Lexa gets off work the other girl leaves for work and their paths don’t cross. When Lexa is awake the blonde is sleeping. When the blonde is awake Lexa is sleeping. They pretty much only have Friday night and Sunday afternoon, but last weekend Lexa promised Raven she would go a family event with her so Raven wouldn't claw her eyes out. Raven’s family is full of problems and most of them hate each other, so why they would have a reunion is still a mystery to Lexa. The whole weekend she mainly got drunk in a tree with Raven and her equally disillusioned cousin. Actually, the whole weekend she mainly kept a drunk Raven from falling out of a tree. Girl cannot hold her liquor. 

Instead of seeing Griffin, Lexa has been texting, calling, and facetiming her any chance she can get. The girl even convinced Lexa to download snapchat. She didn’t understand it at first but now she screenshots every picture that comes her way and with every instance Lexa is slowly sinking further and further into this girl's spell. They talk about anything and everything they possibly can and Lexa sucks in all the information she can about her blonde-haired obsession.  
She knows that her favorite thing to paint is the earth and for a year in college she switched to a Fine Arts degree until her mother found out and told her to switch back to a sensible degree that would make her money because she wouldn’t be the financial supporter of a starving artist. Lexa knows that the blonde’s favorite animal is a raccoon and she squeals a little when she talks about them and she squeals even more when she talks about baby raccoons and she nearly breaks the sound barrier when she sees pictures of baby raccoons. Lexa knows that when the girl is stressed out she eats mac and cheese to make herself feel better. She knows that she doesn't have any tattoos, but would really love to get one of the forest and the night sky because walking in the woods was the first place she felt like she could truly breathe. Lexa knows that Griffin’s seen every episode of _FRIENDS_ and her favorite character is Joey because she relates to how much he loves food. Lexa had to admit to her that she's doesn't watch much tv which was received with complete disbelief and bafflement. (Lexa hasn't mentioned yet that she started binge watching _FRIENDS_ on Netflix. She’s on season 4.) Lexa knows that she’s the funniest girl she’s ever met, but she’s also contemplative and resourceful and brave and clever. And beautiful, Lexa could never forget about that.

Lexa knows that she would do anything to see her or talk to her or touch her. When she goes too long without talking to her she gets fidgety and a sick feeling fills her stomach, which feels a lot like missing someone. Which is ridiculous right, because how can you miss someone you’ve only known for a few weeks? But she does, she misses her so badly that sometimes Lexa imagines she can smell her perfume in the elevator or in her hallway before she opens her apartment door. So Lexa gladly stays up hours after she would normally be asleep to get the chance to at least hear her voice.

“Quit thinking about her, it's grossing me out,” Raven says with a sour face.

“I'm not,” Lexa lies.

“You might normally be able to fool people into thinking you're this stoic, hardcore, warrior-type chick, but anyone with two eyes can tell when you have heart eyes for your princess,” Lexa tries to conceal her blush with no success. Raven scoffs and rolls her eyes. “You don’t even have to say anything, your face gives it away. You're in deep my friend,”  
\-------------------------

In addition to being a butterfly stricken idiot, Lexa has also been a petty rage filled tenant. She's complained about the noise from Clarke's apartment to Titus eight times in the last two weeks. He has assured Lexa that he has put several reminder “noise courtesy” fliers under the door of 12A. She refuses to believe that is all he is capable of and tells him that won’t be enough. She’s had it up to here with her neighbor and needs results so she stops Titus on his way into the building on Wednesday before she starts walking to the gym. 

“You have to do _something._ ” 

“Happy hump day to you,” He says as he tries to move around her. Lexa is quick on her feet and she effortlessly blocks his way in each direction, much to his dismay.

“Titus, you need to take this seriously. I can't wait for the other tenants to file noise complaints. You want to know why? Because the other tenants are _deaf_ Titus. I’m the only one in a three floor radius that doesn’t have hearing aides, and let me tell you, I hear _everything_. Every television show, every load of laundry at 2am, every clank of a pot, every loud ass comment from Clarke’s stupid friends. I'm going crazy. I'm delirious from lack of sleep.”

Titus looks at her with quiet defeat and assures Lexa he would issue an official warning notice. She stands at the counter until she sees him draft it, because Lexa is anything if not stubborn and headstrong. And patient, let’s not forget patient. A smug grin tugs at her face when he reluctantly swings his swivel chair around and sits down to type it. She watches over his shoulder and can practically feel his displeasure. He uses all capitals and Lexa enjoys the emphasis, even though she knows it's probably because he has no idea that caps lock is on. Part of her is even surprised that he knows how to use Microsoft Word. Actually, she’s a little surprised he even knows how to use a computer. 

**  
JULY 30TH, 2016**

**TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:**

**PLEASE ACCEPT THIS NOTIFICATION AS AN OFFICIAL WARNING THAT TENANT CLARKE GRIFFIN, RESIDING IN UNIT 12A, HAS BEEN FOUND IN VIOLATION OF THE BUILDING COALITION’S NOISE ORDINANCE.**

**AS A REMINDER, QUIET HOURS ARE IN EFFECT NIGHTLY FROM 10PM TO 8AM. THIS POLICY IS IN PLACE TO ENSURE THE SAFETY AND RESPECT ALL RESIDENTS OF TREE CREW TOWER. YOUR FULL COOPERATION IN THIS ISSUE IS EXPECTED.**

**FAILURE TO COMPLY MAY RESULT IN EVICTION AND REMOVAL FROM THE PREMISES. POSSIBLE FINANCIAL COSTS MAY BE INCURRED SUCH AS CODE VIOLATION FINES, LOSS OF SECURITY DEPOSIT AND OTHER LEGAL FEES.**

**PLEASE CONTACT ME WITH ANY QUESTIONS YOU MAY HAVE IN THIS MATTER.**

**SIGNED,**  
**TITUS FLEIMKEPA**  


Lexa nods her head when he finishes and pushes print. She strides away from the desk extremely pleased with herself. She smiles all the way to work, finally relieved that some sort of penalty has been brought against her horrible, horrible neighbor Clarke. Lexa knows it’s just a warning, but she feels validated in her pursuit of vengeance. Clarke can’t ignore this forever. He’s either going to stop, or risk eviction. She’s okay with either result.

Lexa’s in front of the gym, fingers wrapped around the door handle, when she stops dead in her tracks. Something has been tugging at the back of her mind for the last few minutes, but she’s been so caught up in this small victory that she hasn’t put any effort into figuring it out. It’s a small phrase in the letter she watched Titus write out. A tiny detail she overlooked until this moment in time. Two words nagging at the back of her mind. Clarke Griffin. 

_Griffin_.

She pulls out her phone hurriedly and frantically texts the blonde who has been occupying almost every thought she's had in weeks, suddenly panicky. Her palms are sweaty. 

**Lexa:** Do you have any brothers? _(7:15am)_

It takes several hours for Lexa to receive a response, which is near agony. She knows the girl is sleeping and she's overcome with nerves. Anya keeps asking her why she’s acting strange, but she assures her it’s nothing. Probably. Definitely nothing. Maybe. It has to be nothing. 

**Griffin:** nope, I'm an only child _(12:13pm)_

Lexa breathes a sigh of relief. It is nothing, the lasts names must just be a coincidence. She couldn't imagine if this asshole Clarke happened to be the blonde girl’s brother, talk about awkward. Lexa’s glad she doesn’t have to deal with a mess like that.  
\------------------------------

The next night at 3:26am the smoke detectors in apartment 12A go off and Lexa jolts out of bed at the sound. 

This is the last straw. 

She throws the covers off of her and storms out of her bedroom, fuming with rage. Part of her should be worried, maybe, about the possibility of the apartment next door being aflame. After all, they live on the 12th floor, so that’s a lot of stairs to cover if the building suddenly caught fire. She probably would be concerned about that... if she didn’t also hear a kitchen timer adding it’s annoying chirp to the obnoxious blaring of the fire alarm and a horrendous din of pots and pans being clattered on a stove top. Seriously, who the fuck cooks at 3:30 in the morning?!

Lexa heads over to her front door but freezes when she hears whoosh of the sliding door of her neighbor’s patio open, followed by a string a swear words and a billow of smoke. So Lexa turns and hightails it toward her own balcony, planning on accosting her neighbor while 12 stories high. 

If Lexa wasn't absolutely livid. If she hadn't let her anger take control of her in this moment. If her ears hadn’t filled with a hot, burning rage. She might, just might, have realized that she recognized the voice attached to those swears floating in the night air between her apartment and the other. She might, just might, have realized that she had heard most of those swears from that particular voice many times in the past few weeks. In person, on the phone, she’s even read them several times. She might have noticed it, but at this moment in time Lexa is consumed with nothing but furious exhilaration at finally being able to confront her next door neighbor. So she throws the sliding door open and screams at him. She yells at the guy that has woken her up every night for two months. The elusive and noisy neighbor that she wants nothing to do with anymore. The neighbor she wants out of her building, her life, forever. The neighbor that is finally going to get what’s coming to him. She let’s all that out and she yells through the thick blanket of smoke about how terrible he is, how inconsiderate, and does he know what time it is?? She finally gives her neighbor the tongue lashing he deserves.

The neighbor that is frantically holding a burning pot (is that mac and cheese?) and fanning the smoke streaming out of it. 

The neighbor who smells like peonies and roses despite the charred smell coating the air.

The neighbor with long, wavy blonde hair and boobs. 

The neighbor who is decidedly _not_ a guy. 

The neighbor who is decidedly…

“ **CLARKE?!** ” Lexa stutters in disbelief, realization hitting her like a mortar.

“ **Lexa?!** ” Her neighbor shouts in bewilderment, the pot swinging as she spins around to get a better look at her attacker. 

The blondes blue eyes widen and a thousand different thoughts race across her face, the pot hanging limply in her hand as she stands there, gaping, in sleep shorts and a tank top. A tank top with no bra underneath, Lexa notices and then immediately pretends that she didn’t. 

“Lexa?!” The blonde says again without seeming to find any more sense of clarity in the last few seconds. 

The two of them stare at each other in silent disbelief for a long, improbable second. Lexa thinks. She thinks very hard. She’s trying to be logical and rational and calculated. She’s trying to think with her head and not her heart but both are equally confused and both are coming up blank and this time it's Lexa turn to curse for once. 

“What the **_FUCK_**?!” She shouts with her arms outstretched. 

Clarke’s eyes somehow turn _more_ panic stricken. Her body jerks as she looks around the patio, still holding the smoldering pot, looking for some place to set it, but finding none. Instead, just sets the pot down on the cement floor of her balcony and she retreats back into her apartment without another word. The apartment that is right next door.

And Lexa is still standing on her patio, wrapping her head around that. 

\----------------------------  
Lexa’s phone buzzes and she reads it during a break between her 8am class and her 9am class. She’s glistening from her last mixed martial arts class and her heart is thumping. She thought that exercise would distract her, because she came to work today feeling frazzled and dizzy and anxious. So far it hasn’t worked and she doesn’t feel anything like her usually calm, cool, and collected self. She keeps running over last night in her head but still can’t make sense of it. Neither can Raven, apparently. 

**Raven:** No fucking way _(8:30am)_

She hasn’t slept a wink. Lexa thinks she probably stood on the patio for twenty minutes, totally dumbstruck. Then she went back to her bed and stared at the ceiling the rest of the night. She texted Raven and Anya immediately this morning to tell them and beg for some sort of advice. Anya, who she knew would already be at the gym, sent her a text back right away, which read: 

**Anya:** hahahahahahahaha, i’m dying, this is the best thing i’ve ever heard. Can’t wait to tell Linc and Nyko _(7:03am)_

Lexa didn’t respond to Anya, because she wasn’t helpful at all. Raven’s response is equally unhelpful, but at least she didn’t laugh. She looks back down at her phone as Raven texts again. 

**Raven:** Wow... _(8:31am)_

**Lexa:** Yep _(8:32am)_

 **Raven:** I mean...WOWWWW _(8:34am)_

 **Lexa:** I know _(8:34am)_

 **Raven:** Holy shit… like...wow _(8:37am)_

 **Lexa:** Raven, WHAT DO I DO?? _(8:37am)_

 **Raven:** Well, I think you should probably just talk to her _(8:30am)_

Lexa tries unsuccessfully not to think about this all day at work. She also thinks about how stupid she is. How could she not have pieced it together? She knew her neighbor’s name was Clarke. She knew the blonde’s name started with C. She even knew her neighbor’s last name was Griffin, so why the hell didn’t she make the connection that Clarke could also be a girl’s name?? She even saw it while scrolling the list on wikipedia when she was waiting for Clarke at the cafe, looking up names that started with “Cl”. She remembers distinctly that she made a sour face when she read it and purposely didn’t suggest that name because there was “no way that would be it”. It all makes sense now though, Clarke’s schedule and Lexa’s. Always opposites, always sleeping when the other is awake and home when the other isn’t. It makes sense that they only ever saw each other outside of the building and why no one else seemed to know who Clarke was. It also makes sense that Clarke had a girl in her apartment a couple weeks ago, because that girl _was_ her. Fuck her life. She facepalms herself throughout the day as she makes revelation after revelation. 

She’s so distracted that she gets punched in the face while sparring with Nyko because she misses any easy block to a hit that anyone should have seen coming. Anya tells her she’s a hot mess and sends her home early with an ice pack to her face. 

She barely registers the walk home and hardly pays attention to how her eye socket is throbbing. She almost doesn’t recognize the person walking by her in the lobby until her senses are overwhelmed by peonies and roses and she stops dead in her tracks. Her breath catches and her stomach drops. Slowly, she turns to see the blonde do the same. 

“Lexa? What are you doing here? I thought you were at work,” Clarke says nervously. “What happened to your eye?”

“It’s nothing, a dumb mistake. I just wasn’t paying attention,” Lexa shakes her head and lowers the ice pack from her reddened eye. 

They stand there awkwardly and uncomfortably for a minute before they both open their mouths simultaneously to say something. Clarke tells Lexa to go first. 

“Look, I know this is awkward, but I think if we get apologies out of the way, it’ll be best and we can move on,” Lexa begins. 

“Okay, yeah, you’re right,” Clarke swallows and nods. 

Lexa stands there, looking at Clarke, waiting. It takes Clarke a long moment’s pause to realize that she’s waiting for Clarke to start and her eyes get big with the realization. 

“You want _me_ to apologize?! I didn’t do anything wrong!” 

“You didn’t do anything?! You didn’t-” Lexa shouts in disbelief, tossing her head up and scoffing. “You are the _WORST_ neighbor I’ve ever had! You could even make whispering a loud activity! You have no respect for a normal person’s sleep schedule! I realize that you get home late but does every little thing that you do need to be done at max volume??” 

“I’m noisy?! _I’M_ noisy? Do you know how many times you’ve woken me up while _I’m_ sleeping? Dozens! And to top it off you are the most impatient and just plain _mean_ neighbor I’ve ever had! If I even take a STEP in my apartment, there you are, slamming your fist against that god damn wall!”

“I think that's a gross exaggeration and I think I'm an excellent neighbor. You just sleep during the -” Lexa starts.

“ **LEXA YOU’RE TRYING TO GET ME EVICTED!** ” Clarke yells in rebuttal. “WHY DO YOU THINK I WAS EATING MAC AND CHEESE LAST NIGHT?! I was so stressed out when I saw that letter from Titus that I forgot to add water to the pot and ended up just burning the noodles! God Lexa, I don’t understand why you didn’t just tell me. Instead of going to Titus and now -” Clarke’s face is red with anger and tears are brimming in her eyes. She’s mad, but she also hurt and that realization hits Lexa square in the gut. Clarke sniffs loudly and wipes her nose before shaking her head at Lexa. “You know what? I don’t need this right now, I’m going to be late for work,” 

Lexa huffs to the elevator, red faced and angry and confused and...somehow guilty. What does she have to feel bad about? This whole situation is entirely Clarke’s fault. If Clarke had just been a more conscientious neighbor they wouldn’t have gotten into this ordeal in the first place. She mulls all this over while she watches Clarke walk out of the building. As the doors close and the blonde slips out of view, a new feeling washes over Lexa.

It feels a lot like regret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not fear! Chapter 8 is written, it just needs intense editing. I'll have it up in a few days, a week tops.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for every comment and kudos! It means so much to me that people are enjoying this! This chapter made more sense to write from Lexa's POV, so chapter 9 will be Clarke's POV instead.

Three weeks and Lexa hasn’t seen, talked to or even _heard_ Clarke. Not even a single muffled noise from the wall that separates their apartments. It’s been complete silence. 

And Lexa hates it. 

The first two days she was irate. How dare Clarke imply that she wasn’t at fault? It was Lexa who was the one that was constantly woken up by Clarke at two in the morning. Lexa was the one who endured weeks of restless nights and sleep deprivation. How dare Clarke say that it was Lexa who was out of line?

But Lexa was also the one who _tried_ to be louder when she woke up in the mornings. She was the one who “accidently” banged her headboard against the wall Saturday mornings while she made her bed before work and the one who deliberately listened to music too loudly when she knew Clarke would be sleeping. She was the one, who instead of being a civilized adult and attempting to negotiate peace, attacked first, without hearing Clarke out. 

As much as she wishes she could convince herself otherwise, she knows that Clarke was never intentionally trying to wake her up. Clarke was at the mercy of her schedule and was forced to do normal things, like showering or laundry, at irregular hours. Clarke was at the mercy of time and that paired with an old building, with old walls, old washing machine, old plumbing, old _everything_ (including its tenants), was a recipe for disaster. In fact, it was usually the two shaggy haired boys that were the rude voices that woke her. Other than having questionable taste in friends, Clarke didn’t really do anything that could be considered unreasonable. 

She wants to blame Clarke, she really does, but logically, rationally she knows this situation escalated to a point that could have been avoided. If she had just talked to Clarke right from the beginning, right when she moved in next door, things would have played out differently. They could have discussed things, created some sort of compromise. They could have met sooner and avoided all this bloodshed. 

Bloodshed might be a little hyperbolic, but that’s how Lexa feels. She feels like her heart has been ripped from her chest and she’s just bleeding out on the floor, because _fuck_ she misses Clarke. She didn’t realize that the blue-eyed blonde had woven so deeply into her soul already, but it took all of three days for Lexa to feel like the air had been sucked from her lungs whenever she thinks about her. Once, when she was coming home from work, the elevator smelled like peonies and roses and she closed her eyes and imagined Clarke was there, standing in front of her, but when the doors opened again she lost that too. 

And despite the complete silence that surrounds her apartment every night, she can’t seem to sleep. 

Lexa pretends to be keeping it together but everyone in her circle has noticed. Anya insists that working more will take her mind off it. Lincoln repeatedly tells her that time heals all wounds. Nyko remarks that there are other squirrels on the ground, whatever that means. Raven thinks she’s being ridiculous and needs to talk to Clarke like a civilized person so they can work it out and Octavia just thinks she needs to have fun and get drunk. Really, really drunk. Lexa is tempted to side with Octavia on this one but the idea of going out and drinking sounds exhausting. The thought of trying to have fun while she’s so miserable doesn’t sound possible, but after days of relentless pestering from Octavia (and some from gentle encouragement from Lincoln too) Lexa agrees to go out with them on Friday. 

“Great! I’ll tell my brother. He’s been trying to get a poker game together for ages now. He’ll be excited to meet everyone,” Octavia says and claps her hands together. “It’s a twenty dollar buy-in, can you handle that?” 

Lexa nods and Octavia writes down the address on the back of a gym membership coupon. She tells Lexa to invite Raven too, because the more the merrier (and the bigger the pot). When Lexa leaves work she immediately starts thinking of ways to get out of it. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friday comes and Lexa is kicking herself for not coming up with a getaway plan. She would much rather stay home, watch FRIENDS and mope alone in her apartment, but somehow she doesn’t think this will fly with Octavia. Anya and Nyko both had valid reasons not to come. Anya has to watch Tris and Nyko didn’t want to be out late because he had to open the gym the next morning. That didn’t stop Octavia from giving them shit about it though. It also doesn’t help Lexa’s case that Raven has been very excited about the prospect of gambling, because she apparently used to wipe the floor with “those other engineering nerds” in college. 

Lexa reluctantly get’s dressed for the evening, wearing a teal shirt and a pleather jacket and pale gray skinny jeans. She and Raven take a cab to Octavia’s apartment and Octavia greets them excitedly at the door. A tall, messy haired guy with freckles and a light suntan walks up behind her and greets them with a kind and genuine smile.

“This is my brother, Bellamy,” Octavia introduces them. 

They both shake hands with him and he leads them into his apartment, which is fairly small but has a large kitchen where the poker table is set up. Electronic music bumps softly out of large speakers that take up nearly the entire living room. Countless bags of chips and other junk food line the kitchen counters and there’s a few bottles of hard liquor on the counter with shot glasses. 

“There’s craft beer, mike’s, and hard cider in the fridge too,” Bellamy mentions as the two of them take in their surroundings. “Oh and there’s no smoking in the apartment, but if you guys need to smoke there’s a balcony through my bedroom and to the left that you’re welcome to use,”

Raven and Lexa both shake their heads no and tell Bellamy thank you, but they don’t smoke. Octavia pours them both shots before they even have time to sit down. She makes Lexa’s a double. A few moments later Lincoln knocks and peeks his head through the door. Octavia squeals and jumps into his arms as he closes the door behind him. She plants a long kiss on his face, much to Raven’s disgust. 

“Get a room!” Bellamy shouts from the kitchen. 

“I second that,” Raven holds up the beer in her hand in agreement and takes a swig.

Octavia, still kissing Lincoln, holds up her middle finger behind her back to flip them off. Lexa smirks. Maybe she will have fun tonight. 

“Is this all of us?” Lexa asks Bellamy. 

“Nah, we’re still waiting on a few more stragglers. My friends are always late to everything,” Bellamy explains as he sets a silver case full of poker chips on the table and opens it. 

The five of them stand in the kitchen talking for awhile before they hear loud voices in the hall and the door burst open. Bellamy grins and walks over to the door as two more shaggy haired boys enter, arguing passionately about who beat the other up the stairs. Bellamy bro hugs both of them and even gives the skinnier one a noogie. Lexa thinks she recognizes the two of them but doesn’t know where from. She thinks maybe they go to her gym. She shrugs and turns her back to continue talking to Raven and Octavia. But when she looks back at Raven she notices something in her friend’s expression change and picks up on the fact that her body has suddenly stiffened and the grip on her beer has tightened. Her pupils have dilated and eyes have widened ever so slightly. She’s staring at the door of the apartment and Lexa is about to ask what’s wrong with her when she hears Bellamy call out a familiar name. 

“Clarke! You made it!” Bellamy shouts, still holding Jasper in a headlock. 

Lexa’s stomach bottoms out and her eyes widen at Raven as if to ask, is this really happening? When Raven nods her head ever so slightly to confirm that yes, shit has hit the fan, Lexa turns around slowly and stiffly to see wavy blonde hair at the door. Except, she isn't alone, another girl stands at her side. She has a slight, petite figure and dirty blonde dreadlocks are tied above her head. She stands close to Clarke and wears a polite but nervous smile. Her hand seems to keep bumping at Clarkes, as if asking to hold it, but Clarke doesn’t seem to notice. 

Bellamy leads the new arrivals toward the kitchen where everyone else is congregated. He introduces the first group to his friends by pointing at each of their heads. There are enough of them in the kitchen now that it feels crowded and huddled and it’s hard to get a good look at everyone.

“Alright this is Jasper, Monty, and…”

“Clarke,” Lexa finishes softly, almost at a whisper. 

It's not until Lexa says this that Clarke looks up. Lexa can't seem to read her expression at first, whether it's anxiety or confusion or something else but Clarke's face quickly settles into an expression that Lexa is all too familiar with. Anger. 

“Oh good, you already know each other!” Bellamy says excitedly and obliviously. “Clarke who’s your friend?”

Clarke stares at Lexa for a long moment before she registers Bellamy’s words. “Oh, this is Niylah,” and the woman shyly raises her hand to wave hello before looking down.

Bellamy claps his hands together before saying, “Let's get started, everybody ante up! Sorry, Clarke, I didn’t know you were bringing someone, the tables only set up for eight...”

“That’s okay, we can play together,” Niylah suggests quietly. “I’m not so great at poker anyway, Clarke can explain it to me,”

The group piles around the table and takes their seats. There’s no kitchen table, just a pristine condition octagonal shaped poker table in the corner with green felt and cup holders for each player. Lincoln takes the side to the far left, followed clockwise by Octavia, Raven and Lexa. Bellamy takes a seat next to Lexa, opposite Lincoln. Monty takes a seat next to Bellamy and Jasper sits across from Raven. Clarke is the last to sit and she scoffs when she notices the seat is directly opposite Lexa. Bellamy takes Clarke’s displeasure the wrong way, quickly apologizing and excuses himself to a room down the hall before emerging with a spare folding chair and sets it next to the empty seat at the poker table for Niylah. The two of them sit down but not before Clarke shoots Lexa another look of hatred. Great, Lexa thinks, I get to watch her glare at me all night long.

An actual cooking pot gets passed around the table and everyone forks over twenty bucks, making the potential winnings for the night $160. Bellamy sets the pot on a shelf in the corner, above the table, which has been painted gold and a sign hangs above it reads “THE POT”. Raven comments that it’s both ridiculous and amazing. This guy must be really serious about poker, Lexa thinks as Bellamy starts dealing cards. 

“Alright, the game is Texas Hold ‘Em. We bet each round, blinds are in effect and go up every half hour. There’s no buy-in’s, when you’re out, you’re out. Everybody know your poker hands?”

“Yes, let's get on with it!” Jasper yells and pounds his fist on the table. “Papa needs a new pair of headphones!”

Lexa notices that Niylah had shaken her head to Bellamy’s question, almost imperceptibly. Clarke, who is still staring daggers at Lexa, glances to Niylah. She whispers into her ear that she’ll explain everything and swings an arm around Niylah’s waist, rather dramatically, before turning her head back to Lexa with an angry smirk. 

Without any warning Lexa feels her whole body tense and a slow, burning sensation creep up to her throat. She can feel her cheeks flush hot and her heart start pounding. Her jaw moves side to side as it clenches and her hand balls into a fist on the table. Raven notices the whites of Lexa’s knuckles and the way she sits up straighter in her chair. She and bumps Lexa’s shoulder with the back of her hand and leans into the space between them.

“Hey, listen to me, she is messing with you,” Raven leans in and whispers. “She's just trying to get a reaction, don't give her one,”

Cards start making their way around the table and Lexa looks at her hand and folds quickly when her turn to bet comes up. Bellamy, Jasper and Monty all seem blissfully unaware of the tension in the room, or they are simply choosing to ignore it. Lincoln, Octavia and Raven have all been fairly silent since Clarke walked in the door. Eventually though, they all start to relax and enjoy themselves as they fill themselves with more alcohol and junk food and the game continues. Lexa inhales deeply and tries to make the best of the night. She just has to get through the next few hours. She attempts small talk with the others to distract herself. Clarke continues to whisper in Niylah’s ear and touch her arm and laugh lightly whenever she see’s Lexa’s eyes on her. She addresses the group occasionally, but never once does she speak to Lexa. 

Jealousy aside and with complete and utter honesty - every fiber of Lexa’s being wants to reach out and touch Clarke. She would do anything for the chance. So she risks being burned alive by Clarke’s stare and looks up at her often. She wants to grab her hand and touch her cheek and stroke her hair. She wants to hold her. She wants to _kiss_ her. She wants to kiss her like she has every day since she saw her at the cafe. Above all, she wants to say sorry, that this was all a mistake and she wishes she could take it back, do things differently, but the look on Clarke's face says that she's ready to do anything but forgive. 

If it weren’t for the girl sitting next to Clarke, Lexa might have already tried. Lexa can’t hate this girl though. She’s polite and she’s kind. If anything, her only fault is that she asks too many questions, but she’s merely trying to show an interest in the game and the players around her. Lexa wants to hate her, she wants to direct all these unwelcome feelings inside the pit of her stomach onto this poor girl, but who is Lexa to say that Clarke shouldn't have found someone new? They weren’t exclusive, technically they weren't exactly anything and whatever might have been seems to have been crushed that day in the lobby of their apartment building. So Lexa’s forces the anger and jealousy out of her body and instead replaces it with remorse and longing and looks solemnly at Clarke, thinking about what could have been and will never be. 

Everyone else is having a great time. Jasper went all-in against Lincoln just three rounds into the game and lost dramatically (he had a pair of two’s to Lincoln’s straight) so he spent the next few hands drowning his sorrows in tequila. He has since become the permanent dealer and annoying sports commentator. He's even louder when he's drunk, no wonder he always woke Lexa up when he was over at Clarke’s. 

An hour into the game Bellamy finishes off Monty, who had previously been crippled by a tough loss to Raven. Octavia and Lincoln go head to head and Lincoln beats her out of the game, and she threatens him with divorce even though they've only been together for a few months. Lexa hasn't lost a hand yet, but she also hasn't played many. She's a conservative poker player. She thinks about odds and probabilities, so if she's betting, people know that she has something to win with. 

A very drunk Jasper deals the next hand of cards at a snails-like pace but with extreme focus. Despite maximum effort he keeps dealing cards face up and letting the others in the deck slip onto the floor. Monty boots him out of the way and replaces him as dealer. 

While Monty cleans up the mess Jasper has made, Octavia passes out a round of peach flavored vodka to everyone. For some reason Clarke glares at Lexa while she does her shot. Lexa swallows hers and can barely stand to look at Clarke anymore, can barely stand the guilt she feels and the regret that pools at the bottom of her stomach and makes its way up to her chest with every furtive glance. She quickly looks down at the cards that Monty has passed to her and see’s a 8 of Hearts and a 3 of Clubs. She slides them together and prepares to fold when she hears Clarke scoff.

“Something wrong?” Lexa asks her, her throat suddenly dry and she sort of squeaks out the question. 

Clarke just smirks and shakes her head, “No, not at all, just go ahead and fold, just give up, be a coward. You can let everyone around you fight the battle for you, let them take out your opponents, but how do you expect to win if you never play?”

“Poker is a game of survival, you play when you can win.” Lexa explains slowly, her gaze unblinking.

“I think it’s about more than just surviving. It should be about taking risks, about getting lucky...” Clarke counters. 

“I don’t believe in luck, just probability,” Lexa responds intentionally, her eyes focusing in on Clarke.

She stares at Clarke for a long, tense moment, trying to say everything she wants to say without actually saying it. During this exchange Jasper looks between the two of them. He first takes note of Lexa and then of Clarke. His head swings back and forth as realization dawns on him and he makes this known to the group, loudly.

“Oh shit, you’re the girl from the bar!” He yells and points to Lexa when Monty covers his mouth and tells him to shut up for once in his life. 

The room is silent while Lexa thinks. She knows it would be stupid to call this bet, it would be stupid to play this hand. Logically, it would make sense to fold. The odds are stacked against her, but she thinks that maybe it is about more than just surviving, maybe she will get lucky. She decides to take a risk and throws her chips in to call the bet. Clarke smirks. 

And then Clarke raises. 

Several people groan. Lexa isn’t one of them. Instead, she smiles. Clarke is playing games with her again and she’s going to play along. Lincoln and Raven begrudgingly call Clarke’s bet and Lexa follows. 

When Bellamy folds, Monty burns a card and deals the flop, three cards in the middle: the 8 of Clubs, 5 of Clubs and 5 of Spades.

The first bet goes to Lincoln and he bets the minimum. Raven calls. Lexa knows with two pair she has an advantage over the board, but they are both fairly a low pairs, which makes her cautious. Her face is unreadable to the others. One look at the smug grin on Clarke’s face makes her call the bet. She looks to Clarke after she pushes her chips forward.

Clarke raises the bet. A lot. She triples it.

Lincoln folds and Raven scoffs loudly before flinging her cards at Monty to fold as well. Lexa looks directly at Clarke as she calls her bet again. It’s just the two of them now. 

Clarke has all but forgotten about Niylah. She hasn’t looked at her or spoken to her since this hand began, nor has she even pretended to let Niylah look at the cards. Clarke only looks at Lexa. Niylah looks around awkwardly at the group, suddenly aware of how thick the air is, and Lexa can see that she’s figured out that she’s might merely be a placeholder, that maybe there’s something larger at work than just a poker hand.

Monty burns another card and deals the turn, a single card: the Queen of Clubs.

With Lincoln and Raven out, the first bet goes to Lexa and she contemplates her move. She can feel Clarke’s eyes on her as she mulls it over. She still has two pair and with the third club on the board she has a chance at a flush. However, Clarke bet heavily during the first round, indicating that she might have a pocket pair. If she had a high pair in the pocket it would have the advantage over Lexa’s 8’s and 5’s. Part of Lexa is tempted to fold, but she doesn’t want to give Clarke that satisfaction just yet, so she bet’s lightly.

Clarke is silent and she plays with her stack of chips. She doesn’t look down at her cards, just continues to stare at Lexa. Her chips click together rhythmically as she thinks. After a few minutes she raises Lexa’s bet with a quick quirk of her eyebrow, a challenge.

Jasper drums his fingers on the table and resumes his commentating, apparently having gone too long without speaking. “Clarke makes a bold counter-move, trying to back Lexa into a corner, but will Lexa surrender?” He says in a hushed tone. 

Lexa can feel in her gut that Clarke has the winning hand. She’s confident and cocky and has the air of someone who wants to drain you of every drop of blood before they kill you. Lexa knows that the probability of her winning is slim, but she calls, betting on luck more than anything. 

Jasper actually gasps. 

Monty burns a final card and deals the river, a single card, the 8 of Diamonds. 

Lexa has a full house. She almost doesn’t believe it, because the probability of this hand happening was next to nothing. It really didn’t seem like it could happen, the odds were against her. She nearly folded this hand more than once and now she’s fairly sure she’s going to win. She bet’s boldly, throwing caution to the wind, and looks confidently over to Clarke. 

“All-in,” Clarke says. 

It almost shocks Lexa because she hasn’t heard Clarke speak the entire hand. “What?” Lexa asks in surprise. 

“You heard me. I’m all in,” Clarke responds. 

Everyone ooh’s and looks to Lexa. Jasper starts biting his nails. 

“Call,” Lexa says. 

“ **FLIP ‘EM!** ” Jasper screams and his voice cracks as his anticipation boils over. He stands up abruptly and leans over the table, nearly knocking his chair over. 

“Dude, you need to chill, you’re being embarrassing,” Monty says and pushes Jasper back down into his seat. 

Lexa flips over her cards to reveal her full house. Clarke smirks and nods her head knowingly before flipping over her own to reveal pocket Kings. Two-pair. Lexa wins.

“Hot day-um! That was a close one!” Jasper yells and slams his palms on the table. “Clarke you got your ass handed to you!”

Clarke smirks at Lexa as she pushes her chips toward her. She’s out of the game. Lexa accepts her winnings graciously and begins stacking them. “Are you going to say I told you so?” Clarke asks. 

“No, but I will say thank you,” Lexa says and can’t help herself from winking. 

“So,” Clarke scoffs, but Lexa thinks she sees a hint of a smile. “What was the probability of you winning that on the last card?” 

“Oh, I don’t believe in probability anymore, just luck,” Lexa grins at her.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------

As the game progresses Lexa feels more at ease. She’s not sure what just happened, but some unspoken thing occurred between her and Clarke. Whatever it was, Clarke has stopped glaring at her and that’s a welcome relief. Lincoln, Raven, Lexa and Bellamy are all that remain and the group takes a short break. Bellamy ensures the group that blinds are going up again, and that this is when they separate the weak from the strong. Most of them grab beers and eat some snacks. Clarke, Jasper and Octavia all do shots, several rounds of them. 

“So, Lexa, you work at the gym with my sister and Lincoln right?” Bellamy asks while they stand against the kitchen counter

“Yeah, I’ve known Lincoln and his sister my whole life,” Lexa answers as she takes a swig of her beer. 

“Have you been an instructor there since Anya took over?” Bellamy continues. 

“Oh no, I’ve only been there about eight months,” she says. 

“Oh yeah?” Bellamy tilts his head slightly and he reminds Lexa a little of a dog. “What were you doing before?”

Lexa swallows another sip of beer slowly. She hates bringing this up because people always get weird, but Bellamy is looking at her curiously and her silence is growing to the point of making it awkward. 

“I was a Marine, actually,” She tries to say it softly, just a little louder than a whisper, so that it doesn’t draw too much attention to herself. 

“No shit,” Jasper says, butting in. 

Obviously, Lexa’s attempt at discretion failed. Many faces in the group turn to Lexa as they hear her answer. Both Lincoln and Raven look at her with both respect. Octavia, Jasper and Monty all look deeply impressed. Bellamy is intrigued. And Clarke…

Clarke looks worried? 

“What division? Aviation?” Bellamy continues.

“No, I was a grounder, a rifleman in the infantry. 2nd Marine Division, 2nd regiment,”

“Close combat?” Bellamy asks again. 

Lexa nods and waits for the next inevitable question. One that eight months ago made her throat dry up and her stomach bottom out. It made her angry and emotional and tired and lost. She swallows thickly, composing herself. She’s made her peace with it now, time has passed and she’s moved on, but it still stings. 

“What brought you home?” Bellamy’s eyes have grown shadowed and his expression is somber as he is already beginning to piece together what Lexa is about to explain. 

“I was medically separated,” Lexa states. 

Bellamy nods, as if understanding that he shouldn’t pry any further, but Jasper blurts out, “How come?” 

Monty smacks him in the chest to quiet him, but Lexa holds up her hand as if to say it’s fine. Lincoln, having known Lexa his whole life, wordlessly passes her a shot because he knows what’s coming. Lexa may not be a heavy drinker, but her separation from the Marine’s was the most difficult time in her life. She lost her home, her community, her comrades, and in all honesty, her purpose. Anya, Lincoln and Nyko were there to pick up the pieces, help her return to civilian life, and find a new reason to live. They were her people, they were there for her and she is thankful for them everyday. They are the reason she can tell people this story without punching walls, why there are no tears in her eyes as she explains it now. 

“A gunshot to the stomach caused severe internal bleeding. Ultimately, I was left without a spleen and a knick to my spinal column. After surgery they discovered some nerve damage that caused a slight tremor in my hand. It makes firing a weapon accurately near impossible, hence the reason for my discharge.”

The room is as silent as Lexa expects it to be. It is always quiet after she tells this story. After a few long moments Bellamy thanks her for her service and raises his shot glass. She takes her shot with him and shakes her head to clear the fuzzy feeling that’s started to cloud her vision and fog her head. She looks around the room, searching for a face among the crowd, suddenly aware that the smell of peonies and roses isn’t in the room. 

“I’m going to get some fresh air,” she mentions. “I’ll be right back.”

She sets her shot glass down on the counter and makes her way towards Bellamy’s room. She stands in the doorway for a second, watching the blonde girl pace on the patio outside Bellamy’s bedroom window. She’s biting her nails as Lexa approaches and slides the glass door open. The sound startles Clarke and she jumps slightly before turning her face away from Lexa and leaning her folded arms against the balcony ledge. Wordlessly, Lexa steps up beside her. They silently stand side by side for awhile.  
Clarke stares out at the city lights and Lexa watches Clarke’s fingers fidget against her wrist. 

Her head is tilted in such a way that her yellow hair hangs in front of her face. Lexa can’t help herself when she moves it out of the way, lightly grazing Clarke’s cheek as she sets the locks behind the girl’s ear. Lexa can see now that Clarke looks like she’s fighting back tears. Without thinking, she cups her hand around Clarke’s neck, burying her fingers in her hairline and gently rubs her thumb back and forth against Clarke’s cheek. At her touch, a shiver vibrates through Clarke that Lexa can feel beneath her fingertips, but she doesn’t look at Lexa. It’s as if she can’t, that looking at her would take a tremendous amount of effort.

“That’s why you’re deferred,” Clarke says, her eyes still trained on the skyline, tears welling in her eyes. “You had to have had a blood transfusion during surgery and you can’t donate for twelve months after that,”

Lexa slowly removes her hand from Clarke’s neckline, untangling her fingers from blonde hair before she nods. “It’s been nearly a year since it happened. I’m fine now. I’m okay,” Lexa assures her. She’s not sure why Clarke is so emotional, but her chest aches at the thought that Clarke might still care about her.

“Is that why you cut your hand that night? Because of the tremor?” Clarke asks, turning her body to Lexa, her face filled with worry and concern and sadness. Her arms are still folded and pressed tightly against her chest and her eyes look anywhere but into Lexa’s.

Lexa smiles and chuckles softly as she remembers it. “No,” She says softly. “I cut my hand because I was thinking about kissing you,” 

Clarke’s voice catches in her throat and Lexa takes a cautious step closer to her. Clarke finally looks Lexa in the eyes, tears still threatening to spill over her eyelids. Lexa looks at Clarke’s expression, can see the worry that creases her forehead and the pain that tugs at her lips, the conflict in her expression. She can still see a bit of anger behind the ocean of Clarke’s irises. She wishes she could make it go away. 

“Lexa!” Raven shouts from the kitchen and causes a shift in the air. “You coming? We’ve got a game to finish!”

“Let Jasper play my hand for me! I’ll be there in a minute!” Lexa calls back through the sliding door. 

“Your funeral!” Raven calls back and Lexa can hear Jasper squeal drunkenly. 

Lexa takes a long, deep breath in as she looks at Clarke. The night air is hot and humid and the clouds in the sky threaten to bring rain with them. The light of the moon washes over the both of them, illuminating Clarke’s pale face and bright gold hair. Her sad eyes look like bolts of lightning during a storm. Clarke is so striking that Lexa can barely believe she is real. 

“I’m sorry, Clarke,” Lexa says with earnest. “I never meant for this to happen. I swear I never wanted to upset you. I was immature, I should have just talked to you. This was all a mistake. Everything just got messed up and I wish I could take it back and start from the beginning.” 

And Lexa’s not sure if she’s allowed, Lexa isn’t sure if Clarke will retreat back, but she can’t resist the feeling that causes her to reach out and gently pull Clarke into her arms. She feels Clarke shudder beneath her embrace and her body is stiff against Lexa’s. It takes several seconds of anxiety before Lexa feels the other girl relax into her. Relief fills her as she feels the blonde press further into her body and her cheek rest against Lexa’s shoulder. Lexa closes her eyes and let’s Clarke perfume wash over her as her face is buried in soft blonde locks. Lexa would be happy to just stand on the balcony with Clarke in her arms for the rest of the night. 

“ _I miss you_ ,” Lexa whispers against Clarke’s ear and she means it with every ounce of her. 

She can feel Clarke hold her breath for a second, but to Lexa’s dismay she feels Clarke pull away from her and she frowns as her arms slide off of Clarke’s back. Maybe she said something wrong. Maybe Clarke doesn’t care about her the way she thought she did. Maybe there’s no going back and Lexa missed her chance. 

“I don’t think I can do this. You can’t just say stuff and expect me to...I just need to think, Lexa. I can’t think when you’re around, you just...can you just go?” Clarke says, lip quivering slightly as she turns away from her and walks back to the railing and Lexa reluctantly walks back to the kitchen. 

When Lexa returns to the game she finds that Jasper has all but lost the chips she won from Clarke. She gazes at her diminished stack of coins disapprovingly and throws her arms up at Jasper. 

“I told you it was your funeral,” Raven remarks. “You can read this dumbass like a book,” 

“Well zat wassss a little uncalleds for, don’tcha think?” Jasper slurs. 

Lexa manages to play three more hands with the chips she has left. After the first hand, Clarke returned to the living room, pulled Niylah the the corner and whispered something to her. A few moments later Niylah politely excused herself, saying she had an early day the next day, and left Bellamy’s apartment in a hurry. Lexa couldn’t help but notice the redness of her cheeks, the slight sniff she gave as she walked away and the way her voice trembled slightly. After that Clarke started drinking heavily with Octavia, doing shot after shot, and has since replaced Jasper as the drunkest one at the party. 

Lexa bets recklessly, no longer having an interest in winning. Mostly, she wants to leave the table and make sure Clarke is alright. By the time Bellamy finishes off both Lincoln and Lexa simultaneously, Clarke is a drunk mess on the couch in the living room. Monty is attempting to coax her out of it and take her home but she is flat out refusing to listen to him. Lexa pushes her chips toward Bellamy and walks over to the sofa. Monty looks at Lexa with worry and confusion and then back to Clarke. 

“I don’t know what to do, she’s never like this. Usually, it’s her helping _our_ drunk asses home,” Monty explains. 

Lexa tells Monty she’ll take care of Clarke, because he has Jasper to worry about. Monty hears Jasper throwing up in Bellamy’s bathroom and groans. He throws his head backwards and mouths, why me?

Lexa pulls her phone out and calls a cab. She grabs Clarke’s phone and puts on her jacket. When the cab arrives she says goodbye to the group tells Raven to text her when she gets home so she knows that she made it back safely. Stepping back to the couch she whispers to Clarke that they are going home now and Clarke shakes her head no and pouts, her bottom lip sticking out a little bit. It’s cute in a petulant, drunk sort of way but Lexa can tell Clarke’s going to be stubborn about this and doesn’t have the luxury of waiting. She can already hear the cab honking impatiently in the street. 

“Get up or I’ll make you get up,” Lexa says sternly.

Clarke actually sticks out her tongue and folds her arms, sinking further into the couch. Lexa grabs her by the forearms and pulls her up forcefully. The quickness of the motion makes Clarke dizzy and Lexa can see a hint of nausea hit her face as she sways haphazardly on her feet. 

“Whoa, hey, hey...” Lexa strokes Clarke’s temple with the back of her hand as she speaks softly to her. “I’m sorry. Let’s slow down, slow down...I’m sorry, are you alright? You good?” Clarke nods her head yes, her eyelids heavy with liquor and barely open. “Alright, let’s get you to bed,”

The walk to the elevator and the cab are surprisingly unresistant and Lexa manages to get Clarke all the way back to the tower with very little effort. With Clarke’s arm slung around Lexa’s neck and Lexa’s arm around Clarke’s waist they manage a shaky walk into to the elevator and Lexa pushes the button for the 12th floor. As she waits for the doors to close, Clarke’s arm slips off of Lexa’s shoulders. Lexa panics and thinks Clarke might fall over, but she steadies herself on the railing before stepping clumsily in front of Lexa. She leans forward and slides her hands beneath Lexa’s jacket and wraps them around her waist before she snuggles her face tightly into the crook of Lexa’s neck and closes her eyes. Lexa gasps lightly at the sudden hotness of Clarke’s breath against her skin and the weight of her body pressed against hers. 

“You smell like the rain,” Clarke mumbles into Lexa’s skin as the doors shut. “I love the rain,”

Lexa wraps one arm around Clarke’s middle to steady her and the other rubs up and down Clarke’s back soothingly. Lexa hums lightly as they travel upward and after a few floors Lexa is worried Clarke might fall asleep right there in her arms. When the elevator dings loudly at the 12th floor Clarke jumps a little. 

Lexa ushers her sleepy, drunk neighbor out of the elevator and over to the door marked 12A and asks where her keys are. Clarke shrugs and sways as she stands, using the door for support every few seconds. 

“Clarke, where are your keys?” Lexa asks again, more seriously, patting the pockets of Clarke’s leather jacket and coming up empty. 

“Patio... probs,” Clarke mutters and points a finger gun at Lexa. 

“Bellamy’s patio?” 

“Or!” Clarke yells, eyes suddenly alert, and points a finger to the sky. This lasts for half a second before the droopiness of her eyes returns and she drops her hand lazily. “In da couch,” She finishes. 

Lexa exhales with frustration. She looks at Clarke and then at the silver letters on her apartment door. Clarke’s eyes keep closing and she rests her head against the wall. She could call Raven and ask her to bring Clarke’s keys, but that would take at least thirty minutes and if the poker game is still going there would be no chance of Raven leaving the table. They can’t just stand here. Hesitantly, she puts her hand around Clarke’s waist and leads her the few steps over to her own apartment. She opens the door and Clarke stumbles forward. Lexa turns around to lock her door and when she turns back Clarke is missing. A loud slam directs Lexa’s attention to the left and she see’s Clarke in the kitchen, looking very confused while opening and slamming cabinet after cabinet. 

“Someone flipped my apartment backwards!” Clarke exclaims and throws her hands out dramatically as Lexa approaches her to calm her down. “They burgled my apartment and... flipped it inside out… and they changed all my stuff!” 

Lexa can’t help but laugh as she shushes Clarke and tells her to stop yelling before she wakes Indra and they are both murdered. Clarke tells her this isn’t funny and it’s serious, they should be calling the cops. 

“Clarke, we’re in my apartment. Our floorplans are mirror images,” She explains as she fills a glass of water.

Clarke narrows her eyes and stalks across the living room and right into Lexa’s bedroom, letting her leather jacket slide off her arms and to the floor as she does so. Lexa rushes after her. She walks into the room only to see Clarke wiggling the last leg of her pants from her foot. Clarke gets her shirt off before Lexa even has a chance to set the glass of water down. She starts in on her bright blue and black bra when Lexa reaches for her hands and gently brings Clarke’s arms down to her side. 

“Let’s just leave that on? Yeah?” Lexa asks breathlessly and Clarke shrugs. 

Clarke plods over to the bed and crawls in, pulling Lexa’s comforter snugly around her shoulders like a burrito. Lexa grabs the glass of water again and sits on the edge of the bed. She rubs Clarke’s shoulder and tries to coax her into drinking it. Clarke flat out refuses and shakes her head like a child. Lexa sighs and sets the glass on her nightstand and walks to her bathroom. 

She changes into some lightweight sweats and a tank top while she’s in there and brushes her teeth. She looks in the mirror and stares at her reflection for a long time, thinking. Part of her can’t believe that Clarke is in her bed right now. This is not exactly what she had in mind. She sends Raven a text before taking a deep breath and walking back into her bedroom.

Lexa steps back over to the side of the bed where Clarke is lying. Actually, she could have gone to either side since Clarke is curled up into a ball directly in the middle of the bed. Her knees are pulled up tightly toward her torso and her arms are wrapped snuggly against her chest where her hands have a vice-like grip on the blanket. Lexa sets a wastebasket on the ground where Clarke is facing and sets painkillers next to the full glass of water. Lexa has every intention of sleeping on her couch and she gets up to leave when a cold hand snakes its way out of the covers and pulls her back. 

“Stay,” Clarke mumbles. Lexa hesitates but Clarke adds in a very serious tone, “Safety in numbers. Burglars might come back,”

“I would love to, but someone is taking up the whole bed,” Lexa chuckles softly. 

Clarke sighs overdramatically and reluctantly scoots over a single centimeter, if anything. Drunk Clarke might be the most adorably frustrating thing Lexa has ever encountered. She tells Clarke that isn’t enough room and Clarke groans before wiggling her butt over a little more, taking the covers with her. Lexa rolls her eyes. She turns off her bedside light, lifts up her covers and slides in beside Clarke. She keeps her distance and stays as far to the edge of the bed as she can. After a few minutes she feels Clarke shuffle backwards. And then a little more. And a little more after that. A few seconds later Clarke has wiggled her way back to the middle of the bed and her butt is pressed firmly against Lexa’s hip.

“I’m cold,” Clarke whines, despite having most of the covers. “And it’s too quiet in here, the burglars took my fan...” 

Lexa laughs lightly but actually thinks she can feel Clarke shivering. She debates long and hard about her next move, but it’s decided for her when she feels Clarke scoot even closer in an attempt to steal her warmth. Lexa sighs and rolls over. In one motion she pulls Clarke flush against her. She raises her legs so that the tops of her thighs are touching the backs of Clarke’s. Clarke’s body trembles underneath her as the alcohol in her bloodstream makes its last stand. Lexa slides her hand under the blanket and rubs back and forth over Clarke’s bicep to help warm her up, keeping her body pressed tightly against the blonde’s. 

_“You’re alright. I’m here. I’m here,”_ Lexa coos against Clarke’s neck.

As Clarke continues to shiver, Lexa hums a soft song into Clarke’s ear to distract her from the silence of the room for few minutes before hearing Clarke’s breathing steady and feels her shaking start to slow. She rests her hand in the dip of Clarke’s waist and Lexa tries not to think about the fact that she’s spooning a half-naked Clarke, tries not to think that she is touching Clarke’s bare skin and that her own heart is beating furiously beneath her chest. Lexa thinks Clarke might be asleep and it’s silent for a long time when she hears a faint whisper break through the darkness.

_“I miss you too,”_ Clarke says as she grabs Lexa’s hand with hers and wraps it around her waist. She entangles their fingers and pushes even further into Lexa’s body, so that there is not a space between them, not a part of them that isn’t touching.

Lexa falls asleep to the smell of peonies and roses and with her mouth pressed to the back of Clarke’s neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think and what you'd like to see happen in future chapters, any and all feedback is greatly appreciated. You should know that every time I get a comment I squeal like a little girl and clap my hands together like an idiot.


	9. Chapter 9

Clarke rolls over and feels like death. Also...is she sleeping upside down? What the fuck? She keeps her eyes closed even though the pounding headache she has would never allow her to fall back to sleep. She buries her face into the pillows. Her sheets smell fantastic for some reason. They smell like the rain. 

_They smell like Lexa._

Parts of the previous evening start to filter their way back into Clarke’s memory. So does the amount of tequila she drank. She’s going to be sick. She lifts up the covers and beelines for the bathroom. Well, where the bathroom should have been, but everything is backwards. Son of a bitch. She turns around on her heel and covers her hand with her mouth. She rushes into Lexa’s bathroom and hurls into the toilet. Her groan echoes loudly against the porcelain bowl. She doesn’t have the energy to lift her head back up, so she lays it on top of her folded arms that are resting on the lid of the toilet. 

“I tried to get you to drink water,” a voice behind her says pitifully.

Clarke squints out of one eye and takes in a blurry figure that looks a lot like Lexa. She moans in response. She doesn’t exactly remember Lexa telling her to drink water, but she believes that she refused. She hates how stupidly stubborn she is when she’s drunk. No one can tell her to do anything, even if the sober her would appreciate it. Maybe hydrating yourself after six shots of tequila sounds rational to a normal person, but tell drunk Clarke to do something so simple and she’ll just flip you off. She groans again. 

“That bad, huh?” Lexa leans down and hands Clarke a cold bottle of water. “When you’re done puking your guts out, I can give you some aspirin. I also brought you some coffee from The Ark and a breakfast burrito with extra cheese,” 

Clarke takes a drink of water and looks up at Lexa with gratefulness in her eyes. She’s wearing workout pants and an athletic tee under a black running jacket with white stripes lining the sleeves. Her hair is pulled back and braided. She clearly just returned from teaching her Saturday morning krav maga class. She looks fantastic though, ridiculously so. Her green eyes are kind and sympathetic and a slight smile tugs at the edges of her lips, but a worry line creases her forehead. The fluorescent light above Lexa’s head bathes her in a pale light as Clarke squints up at her. 

“Are you an angel in your spare time?” Clarke asks. 

“Yes, yes I am. Working two jobs is tough, but I’ve got to make a living,” Lexa admits. She chuckles softly as Clarke grimaces through another swig of water. 

“I'm pathetic, I got myself into this mess, why are you helping me?” Clarke asks because the way Lexa looks at her with care and concern is making her feel the exact same things that made her drink so much last night. It twists at her stomach and makes her hands go numb. 

“Well, I’m mainly concerned about the state you’re going to be in when you hand surgeons sharp instruments tonight,” Lexa explains and leans against the counter, talking with her hands. “I’ve cut my hand before, it’s really not that fun. At _most_ , a pretty girl might hold it for a second - but that’s it - so the benefits are debatable.”

Clarke smiles at Lexa’s implication before her face falls. “Oh my god, I have an overnight,” Clarke says and slaps her hand to her face. “What time is it?”

“It’s only eleven-fifteen, you have plenty of time to recover.”

Lexa bends down and rubs her hand across Clarke’s back lightly to calm her, sending a shiver up Clarke’s spine. Clarke is suddenly aware that she’s not wearing a shirt. Or pants. Thank god she’s wearing underwear, that's new. When she's drunk usually the first thing she does is get naked. Lexa seems to notice her sudden change of expression and retracts her hand quickly. She stands up and leaves the bathroom and returns a minute later carrying a t-shirt and yoga pants.

“Here, you can put these on. Your other clothes smell like tequila,” Lexa laughs a little. 

“Ugh, don’t say that word,” Clarke moans and covers her mouth. 

Lexa smirks and sets the clothes on the counter top by the sink. She tells Clarke she stopped by a convenience store and grabbed her a toothbrush and some other things. Clarke thanks her and Lexa shuts the door behind her. 

Clarke waits by the toilet for a little while before she’s certain she won’t throw up again. After brushing her teeth several times she reaches for the clothes Lexa set out for her. She puts the t-shirt on and smiles pleasantly. It smells fresh and clean like laundry but there is still a distinct _Lexa_ smell to it. Clarke lifts up the collar and inhales the scent. It might be her imagination but she swears it calms her stomach. She glances at her reflection and notices that she looks like a hot mess. Her make-up is smudged and her hair is ridiculous. After wiping her face and combing through her hair, she finishes the bottle of water and walks out into Lexa’s living room and looks around. Lexa is reading on the couch and sets her book down when she sees Clarke. She tells Clarke to sit and she brings her the breakfast burrito, coffee and another water. 

Lexa is good, too good. Too good to stay mad at. She wants to - wanted to - but it’s a losing battle. For God’s sake, look at her face. She looks so concerned for Clarke’s well-being. It’s so fucking endearing. 

Clarke takes the pain medicine Lexa offers her and chugs half the bottle of water. The cold sends another shiver up her spine as she feels it wash over her now empty stomach. She takes small, cautious bites of the burrito, her stomach gurgling ominously. Lexa sits opposite Clarke at her table and sips from her cup of coffee. She looks down when her phone beeps and frowns at the screen. Clarke waits for Lexa to explain as she takes an equally cautious sip of her own coffee. Only a few bites of food in and she can already feel her stomach relaxing and nausea slowly dissipating. Her headache, on the other hand, is growing by the second. It feels like thousands of tiny creatures are hitting sledgehammers against her temple. 

“Bad news,” Lexa starts. “Raven can’t find your keys anywhere,” 

“Is that why I’m in your apartment?” Clarke asks, taking another bite of food. “Because I lost my keys?”

Lexa’s expression falls. She suddenly looks very sad and Clarke looks at her with confusion. She’s not sure what just happened, but somehow she thinks it’s something she said. Lexa tries unsuccessfully to recover her previous demeanor as she answers Clarke’s question.

“Yeah, they weren’t in your jacket last night. You were pretty drunk but you thought maybe they were on the balcony or lost in the couch so I texted Raven last night and asked her to look,” Lexa explains. 

Clarke nods and continues eating her breakfast. A thick, almost static silence encases the air between them and Clarke wonders what she did wrong, why Lexa suddenly looks like a deflated balloon. She doesn’t know what to say or how to bring it up. She doesn’t know if she should, because Lexa looks so heartbroken that she’s afraid approaching the subject would make it worse. So Clarke continues to take tiny bites of her burrito and look helplessly at Lexa who is staring somberly at her phone screen. After a few minutes of agonizing silence, Lexa finally speaks. 

“How much of last night do you remember?” Lexa asks hesitantly. She asks it in such a way that causes panic to hit Clarke’s stomach. A new wave of nausea hits her, but not because of her hangover. 

Fuck. That’s why she looks so sad. Did she forget something that happened last night? Clarke racks her brain for answers. She thinks she remembers the night. Some of it. Most of it. She remembers Lexa and her talking on the patio and how her heart couldn’t stand it. She remembers telling Niylah to leave and she remembers tequila. Lots and lots of tequila. She remembers holding Lexa in the elevator and she remembers...falling asleep and Lexa holding her tightly to warm her up. And she remembers...Lexa singing in her ear and the warm comfort of her arms that lulled her to sleep. There are parts of the night that are covered in a foggy drunken haze but Clarke knows she remembers everything that matters. She remembers Lexa with perfect clarity. 

While Clarke is lost in her thoughts Lexa mistakes her silence for an answer. She nods her head and her lips crease themselves into a straight line. She looks down at her hands for a little while, folded on the tabletop and Clarke thinks she can see them shaking. She thinks she can see Lexa’s whole body shaking. 

“Hey,” Clarke says and reaches her own hand across the space between them. She squeezes the top of Lexa’s hand lightly. “I remember you. You were there. Thank you, for everything you did for me last night. You were...wonderful.” 

Lexa smiles softly at Clarke’s touch and a little of the light comes back to her eyes. Clarke breathes with relief because to see Lexa sad is one of the worst things she’s ever encountered and last night was torture enough. They sit in silence for a few more minutes as Clarke finishes her breakfast and this silence is different than before. It’s not suffocating, it’s comfortable. 

“So, do you have a spare key?” Lexa asks Clarke. 

“I do...but it’s in my locker at work,” Clarke groans. “Fuck, I don’t know what I’m going to do about scrubs...maybe a nurse will let me borrow some.”

Lexa lets out a breathy laugh and says, “Actually, I think can handle that...hopefully. I just need to go check something. If you want to shower there's fresh towels in the closet and there's a disposable razor in the bag with your toothbrush. You can use my shampoo and body wash. I'll be back in a few,” 

Clarke’s not sure when she started brushing her thumb across the brunette’s knuckles but Lexa smiles at her and lightly squeezes Clarke’s hand with her free one. Lexa stands up from the table and only then does Clarke remove her hand from the top of hers. Lexa walks over to a small dish on her kitchen counter and rifles around for a copper colored key before walking over to the front door. She opens it and pauses in the doorway, turning around slowly to look at Clarke, with a glint of something in her eyes and a slight quirk of her lips. 

“Oh, hey Clarke?” she asks lightly.

“Hmm?” Clarke says while sipping her coffee. 

“Try not to fall while you’re in there,” Lexa grins mischievously.

Clarke flips her the bird and Lexa leaves the apartment giggling.  
\-------------------------------

Clarke steps out of the shower feeling partially human again. She swears Lexa has better water pressure than she does. She puts the shirt and yoga pants back on and inhales deeply because they smell like Lexa and Lexa smells like fresh air. She opts not to put her bra and underwear on because the lace is cutting into her skin. Clarke brushes her teeth again because she still feels like she can taste tequila on her tongue. Her head is still throbbing but her stomach feels less queasy. At least she knows she’s not going to throw up again. 

She trudges back to the living room and buries her head in a throw pillow on the couch. How the hell is she going to work at twelve hour shift if she feels this shitty? How the hell is she going to stay awake? She closes her eyes. Her head is killing her. It feels like her skull is being compressed and then expanded and it threatens to burst every second. Clarke is debating whether or not she should call in sick when Lexa walks back in the door. She kicks it closed and Clarke can see that’s she’s carrying a pair of navy blue scrubs. 

“Where did you get those? Please tell me you didn’t just go buy me scrubs…” Clarke says, lifting her head off the pillow and creasing her forehead. 

Lexa just grins and puts the scrubs on the coffee table in front of Clarke. She walks over and sits on the other end of the couch where Clarke is lying. Clarke sits up and pulls her feet to her chest and turns to face Lexa, who hasn’t answered her question yet. 

“I was a doctor for Halloween one year and I kept the scrubs for it. I just had to go down to my storage unit and dig them out. Took me a few boxes to find the right one. I’m just going to throw them in the wash. Actually, I’ll wash your other clothes too,” Lexa explains and walks across the living room to gather Clarke’s clothes that are neatly folded on the dresser just inside of her bedroom. 

Clarke smiles at her from the couch. Lexa is good, too good. 

“How are you feeling?” Lexa asks her after starting the washer and walking over to the arm of the couch and brushing the hair out of Clarke’s face.

Lexa is so good. 

Clarke sighs and squints her eyes a little bit before saying, “I think my brain is trying to stage a prison break,”

Lexa smiles softly and sympathetically. She travels a few feet to the kitchen and opens her fridge. She returns with a cold pack and hands it to Clarke before joining her on the couch again. Clarke presses it against her forehead and feels a little relief. She lolls her head back against the couch and tries to balance the pack on the side of her face, where the throbbing is the most intense, but it keeps sliding off. Lexa laughs at her.

“Come here,” Lexa says quietly and wiggles her finger at Clarke. 

Clarke hesitates for a second and watches Lexa’s expression. No one looks at Clarke the way Lexa does. Her eyes are full of adoration as she puts a pillow on her lap and pats it gently. Even if Clarke didn't want to move, her body would happily do so without her consent. She's drawn to Lexa so easily it's almost embarrassing. There’s something about Lexa’s expression that seems so simple, yet complex. Lexa let’s Clarke know exactly what she’s thinking with just a glance. 

Clarke finds it infuriating, actually, because Lexa has the power to stare into her soul with just one look and cause Clarke’s heart to flutter and her emotions to boil over. It’s the way Lexa looks at her that had her reeling last night. When she walked into Bellamy’s apartment the last person she expected to see was Lexa. Clarke hadn’t seen or heard from Lexa in three weeks. 

And she was _pissed_. 

She was pissed that Lexa had turned out to be the annoying neighbor who had done everything in her power to get Clarke kicked out of her apartment. She was pissed that Lexa had blamed her for the entire situation. She was really, really pissed that Lexa also happened to be the girl who had been making her swoon - the girl who had been occupying her thoughts and dreams day in and day out since that afternoon at the coffee shop. 

And she was pissed that Lexa just gave up. 

Three weeks and she hadn’t seen or heard from Lexa once. After not being able to go twenty minutes between texts, calling each other every night and day, even snapchats for god’s sake, there was nothing. And it hurt, because this girl had completely overtaken Clarke’s life. Clarke had been downright delirious the past couple weeks. You could say she has been damn near infatuated. 

Clarke already knew so much about this girl, like that Lexa’s favorite color is red and she hates pickles (she called them mummified cucumbers). Clarke could recite all of Lexa’s favorite bands and knows puns are Lexa’s guilty pleasure. She knows that Lexa loves hiking and has climbed six 14ers. She knows that Lexa fucking loves dogs and was once almost hit by a car because she crossed the street without looking to go pet a Saint Bernard. She knows that Lexa likes to remember little details and writes her thoughts in the corners of books or on napkins or whatever piece of paper she can find. She knows that Lexa smells like the rain and the trees and she’s so unbelievably god damn perfect. 

And sure, they might have realized that they secretly hated each other through the wall of an apartment building, but she really thought that Lexa would fucking get over that and call her _or even walk next door_ because Clarke missed her. She missed her as soon as she got to work that day that they yelled at each other in their building and she hoped, she really hoped, that Lexa missed her too. 

At first, Clarke was sad. She thought everything was ruined and that Lexa would be gone forever. She thought that it was all in her head and that Lexa obviously didn’t care about her the way she thought she did. She didn’t miss her. Then after a few days of pining and moping, Clarke got mad, because Lexa, who looks at Clarke like she is the sun and the moon and the stars, should have fucking talked to her by now. Lexa retreated from the war without even fighting the first battle. 

If Lexa could leave without a word, Clarke could too. So she found Niylah at a club the following week and tried to forget about the brunette that circled her dreams every night. Clarke spent as little time as possible at her apartment and tried to forget about Lexa altogether. Which was not as easy as Clarke wanted it to be, which made her even angrier. 

Then last night, she saw Lexa, standing in the kitchen of Bellamy’s apartment, staring at her with a look that said everything - a look that brought back all the feelings Clarke had been pushing down for so many days and nights - a look that caused her fingers to go numb and her heart to flutter. How dare Lexa have this power over her? That she could so easily, with just one look, remind Clarke of why she had fallen for her so quickly and at the same time remind Clarke that Lexa left so easily, that she didn’t care enough to fight for whatever it was that they almost had. 

Spending the whole night fuming at Lexa was exactly what she had planned to do, and when she saw that Niylah made Lexa’s cheeks red and her nose flare and fists clench, that was just icing on top of a very bitter cake that Clarke intent on serving. She hadn’t planned on hearing Lexa’s describe what brought her back to Polis, she hadn’t planned on feeling like all the air had been pushed out of her lungs. She could barely stand to look as Lexa told the room she had been shot. What other’s might have missed, Clarke could see in Lexa’s expression. It was in her suddenly hollow eyes, in the way that the corner of her lip trembled and then tightened, in the way that she tilted her head up to the ceiling and swallowed thickly before answering. Lexa was in pain, but she was putting on a face that told people she had moved on, that she was over it, and that it was in the past. 

All at once Clarke knew that wasn’t the look that Lexa had been shooting to her every few moments during the night. Lexa hadn’t moved on from her. Clarke knew that Lexa was trying to tell her more with her eyes than she could say aloud and suddenly Clarke couldn’t breathe anymore. She had to leave the room. Somehow, she knew Lexa would follow. She could smell the fresh scent of rain as Lexa stepped up behind her and Clarke didn’t want to look, because she was overwhelmed with the feeling that she wanted to protect Lexa, that Lexa had already come to such harm and there was nothing she could do to change it. She had planned to spend the whole night angry, but Lexa destroyed her defenses and made her _feel_ things that she had spent three weeks intentionally trying _not_ to. 

When Lexa brought her close whispered that she missed her, Clarke didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t handle all the things she was feeling. Her whole body was somehow numb and full of feeling. Her brain was running a thousand miles an hour and at the same time completely blank. She had to get her thoughts together, because Lexa made it difficult to even stand up straight. Lexa made her feel dizzy, almost high. Part of her wanted to get rid of the hold Lexa had on her, she wanted to gain back some hint of control over herself. 

In retrospect, she should have known that tequila wouldn’t be the solution. But Lexa was there for her, she made her feel safe and wanted. Clarke never wanted to be anywhere except Lexa’s arms. 

Right now she feels no different and Clarke crawls over to the other side of the couch. Lexa takes the cold pack from her hands as Clarke gently lays her head on the pillow in Lexa’s lap. She feels Lexa drag her fingers across her forehead and it gives her goosebumps. Lexa presses her palm slowly but firmly against Clarke's forehead before she speaks.

Lexa quietly murmurs, “Where does it hurt?”

Clarke points to her temple and feels the cooling sensation pool over her skin as Lexa presses the cold pack to her head. She keeps it there with one hand and the other plays with Clarke’s hair and it’s so soothing that Clarke thinks she might fall asleep. After a minute Lexa asks Clarke if she wants to watch TV and Clarke barely registers anything that was said. It takes her a little while to respond because she’s in a daze. She feels like she’s floating in space. She’s never felt as calm and relaxed as she does when she’s with Lexa. 

Clarke nods her head ever so slightly to respond to Lexa because she can’t seem speak. Lexa turns on the tv and selects the Netflix icon from her blu-ray player. Clarke smiles when she sees that the screen reads, _”Continue watching: Friends”_ and Lexa pushes play. When the cold pack loses its chill, Lexa sets it down and begins stroking Clarke’s temple and cheek lightly with her fingertips, trailing them all the way down Clarke’s neck and circling in her collarbone and back up again. It feels amazing. 

The rhythmic motion and warm touch prove too much for Clarke’s fragile consciousness. They watch two episodes before Clarke falls asleep in Lexa’s lap. She wakes a few hours later to a knock at the door. Lexa bends down and whispers in her ear. Three words she didn’t know she needed to hear. Three words that make her fall hard and fast. Or, more accurately, harder and faster.

“ _The pizza’s here_ ,” Lexa states and gently slides out from under Clarke’s head. 

Clarke thinks she might see a halo around Lexa’s head or some floating hearts and songbirds fluttering near her like they would a princess. Lexa answers the door and the smell of marinara and garlic fills the room. Her stomach rumbles and she thinks it’s safe to say that her nausea is gone and has been replaced by a ravenous monster, ready to consume anything and everything with grease. 

“You are really special,” Clarke says sitting up when Lexa brings the pizza and sets it on the coffee table in front of them. 

“I had a hunch you might be hungry,” Lexa says grinning. There’s a twinkle in her eye and she looks like she’s holding back laughter.

“What does that mean?” Clarke looks at her with slanted eyes.

“Nothing...your stomach was just growling so loudly that I had to turn up the volume on the tv,” Clarke throws the pillow at Lexa and she laughs. “What? I’m just being honest!”

Clarke is relieved that her headache has diminished significantly after her nap. The faint reminder of its presence throbs dully against her scalp but with no where near the ferocity it was before. Now the only task is to eat enough pizza to tame the beast that took up residence inside her stomach. 

“How long have I been sleeping?” Clarke asks, feeling a little guilty that she’s forced Lexa to stay planted on the couch. 

“Seventeen hours,” Lexa glances to the clock on the wall as she shovels a slice of pizza onto a plate and hands it to Clarke. The clock reads two-thirty, she’s only been asleep for a couple hours. 

“You’re hilarious,” Clarke drawls sarcastically as she takes the plate from Lexa. “...And you forgot my breadstick,” Clarke chides and holds her plate out expectantly. 

“Oh, hahaha, did you think I was sharing these? That’s cute.” Lexa deadpans as she grabs the bag and hides it behind her back. “You might be hungover but no one gets between me and garlic bread.” 

Clarke narrows her eyes and tries to look as menacing as she can. She’ll get a breadstick, even if she has to fight Lexa for it. She sets her plate on the coffee table in front of her and reaches quickly behind Lexa’s back, but the brunette’s reflexes are better and quicker and she snatches the bag before Clarke can reach it. Lexa also has the upper hand when it comes to arm length and Clarke is fully aware of that as Lexa simply holds the bag in the air above her head and out of her reach.

She looks at the smug confidence on Lexa’s face and decides to change tactics. Clarke has a theory. Although Lexa looks like she’s capable of killing a man...she also looks like she could be ticklish. With her hands above her head Lexa’s shirt has risen up just slightly to expose a little bit of skin at her torso and Clarke eyes it mischievously. Lexa looks at Clarke and her eyes widen knowingly. 

“Don’t you do it...” Lexa warns.

Clarke doesn’t listen. She dives across the space between them and starts tickling Lexa’s sides. Lexa squeals. She practically wails and squirms under Clarke, her face reddening with laughter and eyes wide with panic. She tries to wiggle out of Clarke’s grasp, pushing herself backward into the corner of the couch, but Clarke follows. She crawls on top of Lexa’s lap and doesn’t relent. Her fingers jab and pinch Lexa’s sides and hips and she can’t help the huge grin that spreads over her cheeks every time Lexa jumps and jerks, her frantic (and somewhat panicked) giggles filling the air. 

“Stop, stop, stop! Okay, okay I’ll share!” Lexa screams breathlessly and Clarke finally stills her fingers.

Lexa lays against the couch and catches her breath, the bag of garlic bread hanging from her hand. Clarke finds herself practically lying on top of Lexa after the ordeal and feels suddenly self-conscious. She tries to push herself upright so she can return to her own spot, but her hand slips in between the cushions of the couch. She abruptly slips back down, this time even closer to Lexa and she laughs at her clumsiness. 

Clarke’s face warms because Lexa looks at her with meaningful, almost dreamy eyes. She scoots backwards a little in an attempt to sit up again and in the process her gaze falls to Lexa’s still-exposed midriff. A thin, pink scar stretches itself across her abdomen, the memories of last night flooding her thoughts again. She wishes so much that she could take away all of Lexa’s pain. That she could turn back time and erase any hurt or harm that might have touched her. 

Clarke’s not sure how long she’s been staring at Lexa’s stomach. She should be embarrassed, probably. Lexa just waits and looks carefully at Clarke. She sets the breadsticks on the coffee table and brushes a few strands of hair out of Clarke’s face. Clarke can’t stop looking at the scar that curls itself across Lexa’s torso and around her bellybutton. She wishes she could have protected Lexa. She trails her fingers across the diagonal pattern of the scar. Lexa’s stomach contracts slightly at her touch and her skin is warm and soft underneath Clarke’s fingertips, slightly raised where the scar lays its claim. She tells herself that she’ll never let anything like this happen to Lexa again and suddenly she’s lowering her mouth to Lexa’s skin. 

She doesn’t think, it’s almost a reflexive action, as she places a delicate and lingering kiss to Lexa’s abdomen, right over the scar. Lexa’s stomach tightens under her lips and Clarke can hear the brunette’s breath hitch. Clarke waits for Lexa’s muscles to relax before she places another kiss onto Lexa’s scar, a little higher than the first and then another and another. She starts at the bottom of Lexa’s scar, near her waistband, just slightly in the dip of her hips, and slowly plants kiss after kiss upward. Each kiss is lengthy and deliberate, warm and breathy. Each kiss solicites a shudder from Lexa and causes her to sharply, but quietly inhale above Clarke’s head. 

Clarke wants each kiss to take away any pain Lexa’s felt. She wants Lexa to know she’ll do anything for her. She can see the steady rise and fall of Lexa’s ribs as her breathing grows hastier, her own heart is beating fast now. Aside from the continuous rhythm of her chest, Lexa’s body is incredibly still, almost frozen, as Clarke gently pushes Lexa’s shirt up to travel to the furthest reaches of her scar, just under her ribcage. 

When Clarke finally removes her lips from Lexa’s body she looks slowly up at Lexa. Lexa’s eyes strike Clarke. They scream relief and shock and longing and desire. It doesn’t even take a second for Clarke’s lips to collide with Lexa’s. The kiss is needy and frantic as Lexa pulls Clarke up to her desperately. Clarke breathes heavily into the kiss and revels in the cool taste of Lexa’s mouth. Kissing Lexa is like taking a drink of cold water on a hot day or coming up for air when you’ve been deep under water. It’s so unbelievably satisfying and Clarke wants more, wants all of it, wants Lexa so desperately. 

She pushes herself further against Lexa’s body and Lexa’s hands grip Clarke’s hips forcefully before one of them finds Clarke’s ass and squeezes, causing Clarke to moan into her mouth. This unleashes a ravenous sound from Lexa’s throat and it makes Clarke’s entire body tingle. Lexa’s tongue drags slowly and heavily across Clarke’s lips, not asking permission to enter, but demanding it. Clarke glady parts them, letting Lexa’s tongue flow over hers and the kiss to deepen further. Clarke’s hands snake their way up Lexa’s sides, pushing under her shirt and dragging over her skin. Lexa gasps and moans lightly at Clarke’s touch emboldening Clarke’s movements. She reaches towards Lexa’s chest and her hand clutches Lexa’s breast over her sports bra. Lexa arches into Clarke’s grasp and moans again, pushing her tongue further into Clarke’s mouth and digging her fingers into the hair at the base of Clarke’s neck roughly. 

Clarke might pass out because the sounds coming from Lexa’s mouth are making her lightheaded. At the same time all she can think about is that she wants to hear more of them so she tears her mouth from Lexa’s and moves her lips to Lexa’s jawline. She starts gently and lightly and Lexa sighs and tilts her head to give Clarke more access. When Clarke bites down at the skin between Lexa’s neck and shoulder, Lexa practically growls and it sends a shiver up Clarke’s spine. Clarke sucks at Lexa’s pulse point when she feels Lexa jerk her leg upward against her. Clarke didn’t quite realize that she was straddling Lexa’s thigh but the sudden pressure between her legs causes her to gasp and she’s temporarily dazed, her mouth letting out a small, airy whimper. Lexa pushes her thigh against Clarke again and this time Clarke knows it’s intentional. Another moan escapes her mouth and she throws her head back slightly. The sound barely escapes Clarke before it’s drowned out by Lexa’s lips crashing against her own. 

Lexa’s hips jerk and arch underneath Clarke’s body and her hands grasp at Clarke needily. Clarke presses her thigh against Lexa’s center slowly but forcefully and Lexa whimpers into her mouth in return. It’s the sexiest thing Clarke has ever heard in her life. Lexa’s center is warm against her thigh and there’s an equally hot pressure building between Clarke’s legs and she is desperate to find release. She grinds her hips against Lexa’s thigh and she feels jolts of pleasure run through her. Lexa’s hands untangle themselves from Clarke’s hair and she wraps her arms strongly around Clarke’s shoulders and flipping their position so that Clarke is looking up at her. 

Lexa’s arms are taught on either side of Clarke’s head, creating a space between their bodies that Clarke is itching to fill. She wants to feel the warm pressure of Lexa’s body on top of hers. Two many seconds pass where she’s not touching Lexa and Clarke pouts slightly as she watches Lexa look at her. Lexa’s eyes are hooded and dark, almost frightening in the best way possible as she stares down at Clarke and takes in her body. Clarke’s blue eyes travel down Lexa’s face and land on her lips, which are red and glossy from kissing. Clarke bites her own lip hungrily. Lexa smirks and raises her eyebrow in the hottest way possible before her tongue drags lazily over her mouth and she brings it to Clarke’s neck. Clarke can’t help the gasp that escapes her as she feels Lexa drag her tongue heavily along her collarbone. She pushes her thigh up and against Lexa again. Lexa snarls, biting the soft skin at Clarke’s neck roughly and then soothing it with her mouth when Clarke yelps in surprise. 

When Lexa looks back up at Clarke her eyes are narrowed and intense and she bites the inside of her cheek. She stares at Clarke with a clear look of wanting and she searches Clarke’s eyes for the same. Clarke reaches up and pushes their lips together again, her tongue moving across Lexa’s and heavy with desire. Lexa’s hands grip hastily at the base of Clarke’s tank top. She pushes it up to Clarke’s ribs but she stops there and drags her fingers along Clarke’s side and down to her hips. 

Lexa stares at Clarke’s body while lightly scratching and tracing the skin just above the waist of her yoga pants, occasionally dipping below the belt just to tease her and Clarke’s forgotten everything. Her stomach rises and falls as her breathing quickens, flipping uncontrollably like she's in the free fall of a rollercoaster and her heart has jumped all the way up to her throat as she gasps against Lexa’s lips, her concentration completely shot. All she can think about is Lexa’s fingertips dancing at her waist and daring to explore further, suddenly remembering that she elected not to wear anything underneath her yoga pants, the warm sensation between her thighs steadily turning into a slow burn. 

Lexa’s mouth has begun to lace Clarke’s stomach with thick, hot kisses while her fingers trail back up to her ribs and underneath her shirt. She hears Lexa gasp against her skin. Something tells Clarke that Lexa didn’t know she wasn’t wearing a bra. Lexa looks up at Clarke and there’s a hunger in her eyes but it’s also a question as her fingers lightly caress the underside of Clarke’s chest, asking for permission. Clarke is about to reach down and grab Lexa’s hand, about to _make_ her touch her, when a shout and a harsh knock to Lexa’s apartment door causes both of them to jump. 

“Yo! Open up!” 

“Is that Raven?” Clarke asks Lexa breathlessly.

Lexa shakes her head that she doesn’t know. She looks terribly confused but also very, very disappointed. Clarke detects a definite touch of sexual frustration in her shadowed green eyes. God, she’s hot. Lexa might be the hottest girl she’s ever seen. She’s definitely the hottest girl she’s ever kissed. 

Oh my god, Clarke realizes. She just spent the last twenty minutes kissing Lexa. It’s not enough, she thinks. She’d be more than happy to spend the next four hours kissing Lexa. If the ache between her legs is any indication she knows one thing for absolute certain now - _Lexa is so good_. 

“Anybody in there? I have a special delivery for Clarke Griffin!” Raven’s voice floats loudly from behind the door. 

Lexa leans her forehead against Clarke’s shoulder, sighing deeply. Clarke grumbles against the skin of Lexa’s neck, telling her to ignore her, when Raven knocks again. Begrudgingly, Lexa lifts herself off of Clarke to go answer the door, but not before she leans down and kisses Clarke softly and gently, their noses brushing as she pulls back. Every kiss from Lexa practically leaves Clarke stunned. 

Lexa is good, too good. Oh boy, is she good.

Clarke sits up and runs her fingers through her hair to tame it. Her headache is gone, that’s a plus, but a new, throbbing sensation has filled her body and it’s needy with arousal. Clarke tilts her head and examines Lexa’s ass as she leaves the comfort of the couch. 

Raven is about to knock again when Lexa opens the door and interrupts her and says, “You better keep your voice down, someone in here is hungover...” 

“You better keep your voice down, someone in here isn’t a fan of noise, she might try to kick you out of here,” Clarke says defiantly, lifting both her middle fingers in the air from her position on the couch. 

She’s kidding, mostly, but Lexa turns around and for a brief second Clarke detects panic in her eyes and she knows Lexa’s worried that Clarke hasn’t forgiven her. Clarke thinks maybe it might be too soon to joke about this, since they haven’t even really discussed the whole situation yet. Clarke wiggles her eyebrows and winks at Lexa, grinning coyly. Lexa smiles, reassured for the time being, but Clarke still senses the anxiety behind her grin. Clarke will put her at ease later. In more ways than one. 

“So I should just keep these then?” Raven says, dangling a set of keys in front of her. 

“Thank you! Where were they?” Clarke exclaims as Lexa and Raven step back into the living room. 

“I looked all over Bellamy’s apartment this morning and you know where I ended up finding them? On the floor of the elevator here in the tower on my way back to my apartment. The little raccoon keychain was a dead giveaway,” Raven explains and sits down on the couch, helping herself to pizza. 

“Wait… _this morning_? Did you stay the night at Bell’s place?” Clarke says accusingly, ignoring the fact that Lexa must have told Raven what her favorite animal is. 

Lexa grins at Clarke’s words and the common realization hits her. She looks accusingly at Raven’s face and it reddens. 

“You did!” Lexa points at Raven, her mouth hanging open. 

Raven narrows her eyes at both of them before grinning and shrugging her shoulders. “What can I say, that boy is a _very_ good host. I was a winner in more ways than one last night,” she says, shoving pizza into her face. 

Lexa and Clarke both look at each other for a second before bursting into laughter. The three of them hang out in Lexa’s living room for a half hour, mostly giving Raven shit. She leaves when she can’t take any more innuendos or puns.

“You guys took _poke ‘er_ to a whole new level,” Lexa goads. 

Clarke snorts and asks Raven, “Did he go all-in at the end of the night?”

“You guys are gross,” Raven says with her arms folded and shakes her head. 

“At least we know Bellamy’s straight, judging by the flush on Raven’s cheeks,” Lexa adds.

“Does he have a big deck? Or was he bluffing?” Clarke says through a fit of giggles. 

“Hopefully he’ll call,” Lexa suggests.

“The house really does always win. You could say Bellamy hit the jackpot last night,” Clarke grins.

“Ugh, you guys are perfect for each other. Don’t think I didn’t see that hickey on your neck Clarke,” Raven rolls her eyes and huffs as she leaves the apartment.

Her words make Clarke’s face red and her stomach to flip. She glances over and notices a hint of pink cross Lexa’s cheekbones too. When the door closes Lexa looks at Clarke and then at the clock on the wall. It’s three-fifteen and Clarke needs to get ready to leave. She sighs. She actually feels much better aside from a tightness of her abdomen and a burn between her legs that have absolutely nothing to do with her hangover and everything to do with the girl sitting on the couch next to her, looking like she wants to rip her clothes off. Not one tiny piece of her wants to go to work. 

They both stand up from the couch and Lexa wraps her arms around Clarke’s waist. She smiles happily and kisses Clarke so gently, almost lovingly. Clarke melts into it, letting Lexa’s strong arms hold her weight because her knees are weak and she thinks maybe she wouldn’t be able to stand otherwise. 

“Are you feeling better?” Lexa asks quietly, her arms still encircling Clarke. 

Clarke nods and glances down at the coffee table where Raven set her keys. She chuckles a little and Lexa asks why. 

“That bitch took our breadsticks,” Clarke laughs. 

“ _My_ breadsticks! I’ll kill her,” Lexa furrows her brow in faux anger and Clarke just shakes her head. 

With great reluctance Clarke grabs her keys and goes to her apartment to put on some make-up and fix her hair. She grabs a pair of scrubs since Lexa forgot to put the ones she washed in the dryer. She may have been distracted by something or rather _someone_ , and didn’t hear the buzzer go off. Clarke almost feels like she should shower again, because she is beyond hot and bothered. Between that and hungover she’s happy with her result though. 

When she leaves her apartment Lexa pops out of hers. She tells her that she called her a cab so she doesn’t have to walk and rides the elevator down with Clarke. She stands close to her and when her hand bumps against Clarke’s, Clarke quickly entangles their fingers and watches a small, tight grin form on Lexa’s face and it’s adorable but Clarke thinks she’s trying to hide her excitement. Lexa walks with Clarke all the way to the waiting cab outside the tower and they look at each other sadly before Lexa leans in and kisses Clarke quickly and softly on the cheek. 

“I’ll miss you,” Lexa whispers and hugs her goodbye. 

Clarke can see Lexa watching her as her cab drives away and can’t seem to get her stomach to stop doing somersaults.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lot's of things to say:
> 
> This was a super fast update! As such, the wait between this chapter and the next might be a little longer because I don't have it written and I have a ridiculous amount of adulting to do in the next week or so. I'm not great at adulting though and would rather write, so we'll see how this works out. Hopefully this chapter tides you over for now. 
> 
> I changed the rating for this because I thought it wasn't going to get hot and heavy but I was wrong, this is only the beginning ;)
> 
> I'm sorry if you don't ship Raven and Bellamy. I don't actually ship them either but I don't NOT ship them, if that makes sense? I just felt it fit with the story and I will use any excuse I can to make puns, especially dirty ones. 
> 
> There are still a lot of things I want to cover in this story, we aren't even close to done. 
> 
> PLEASE YELL AT ME AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. You can also talk to me on tumblr @ioverthoughtthis


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, wow. I'm SO sorry this update took so long. At first it was adulthood struggs that were sucking my time away, but then it turned into me basically hating everything I wrote and rewriting this chapter a billion times. But it's done (and totally unedited, I apologize). Hope you enjoy it!

Lexa’s never been so confused. She’s sitting on the floor at the foot of her bed and has been mildly panicking all day. She’s trying to meditate, but it’s useless. Her mind is running a thousand miles a minute. Spending last night and this afternoon with Clarke made this whole situation more baffling. Lexa likes things to be black and white and everything with Clarke seems to be undeniably grey. Her head is swimming with questions and she can’t seem to find any answers.

Like, have they made up?

Should she text Clarke?

Would Clarke want her to visit?

How soon before she can kiss Clarke again?

God, kissing Clarke. Lexa’s thoughts immediately shift focus and all she can think about is Clarke’s lips touching her stomach - how unexpectedly tender and warm they were. How her own stomach flipped and jolted at the sensation. How her whole body went stiff and numb except where Clarke laid her lips. 

Fuck, she needs a cold shower. This afternoon left her aching for Clarke. It was torture to see her drive away. 

She tries to keep herself busy and cleans her entire apartment from top to bottom. She does all her laundry and watches a few more episodes of _Friends_ but she’s not really paying attention. It’s only been a couple hours since Clarke left but it feels like days. She has no idea how she managed to go three weeks without her. This loud, caffeine-addicted, foul-mouthed blonde has her insides twisted and her head spinning. She craves Clarke like a drug. She wants her. She needs her. 

It’s all so confusing. It might seem like they are on good terms, but there was a bite to Clarke’s comment earlier and it made Lexa sick to her stomach. She knows there’s not much else she can do, she’s apologized for acting so rashly, but she thinks Clarke might still be harboring some resentment toward her. Can they move past this? It’s all a huge misunderstanding after all, but Clarke seemed so _angry_ last night at Bellamy’s. Was it all an act? Was she just putting on a face to protect her feelings? Or was Clarke truly as furious at Lexa as her expression let on? Obviously, Lexa knows Clarke has feelings for her or last night and this afternoon would have ended differently, but there’s too many unknowns for Lexa not to worry. 

Four agonizing hours later, it’s 9:20pm and Lexa is frantically going back and forth on whether to visit Clarke at work. By 9:34pm she has decided to get over her nerves and woman up. She doesn’t text, she decides to surprise Clarke. She stops by Clarke’s favorite burger place and orders food for the both of them before arriving at Mouth Weather Hospital a little after 10pm. 

She’s not expecting to see Clarke when she enters through the sliding doors of the hospital. Her plan was to locate the room on the third floor by memory and find the blonde there. She had imagined the surprised smile that would greet her fondly. She didn’t imagine seeing blonde curls immediately when she walked in. She also didn’t anticipate seeing Clarke with someone else, but there she is. She’s standing several yards in front of Lexa in the lobby, near the chairs for loved ones waiting to hear news of patients, her arms hugging a woman in dreads. The same woman Clarke had her hands wrapped around last night. 

Lexa knows she should move, contemplates walking slowly backward as if she was never there, but her feet are frozen in place. Niylah looks over Clarke’s shoulder during their embrace and it takes about ten seconds for her to notice Lexa standing stark still in the entryway. Lexa can imagine her own expression mimics a deer in headlights before a burning hot sensation pools at the bottom of her stomach and crawls up to her throat. 

Niylah lifts her head away from Clarke’s shoulder and stares at Lexa with slanted eyes. Clarke follows her gaze and for the briefest second Clarke looks happy to see Lexa. Her eyes brighten and she smiles softly before her face falls. She takes turns glancing back and forth between Niylah and Lexa, and Lexa can almost see the gears of her mind working furiously. When Clarke looks at her, her expression is somewhat apologetic and even slightly guilty. This realization only fuels the fire growing inside Lexa. 

She sees no other option than to step forward and finally manages to walk stiffly toward the two women. “I brought you some dinner. I thought maybe you wouldn’t want vending machine food tonight. I didn’t realize you’d be... busy,” Lexa says coldly. 

“Um… thank you,” Clarke says at almost a whisper, avoiding eye contact with Lexa but taking the food from her hands. 

The three of them stand in awkward silence for a few heartbeats. Clarke looks anxious and uncomfortable and as the silence grows she fidgets with the brown paper bag that’s now in her hands. Niylah scoffs and folds her arms, clearly annoyed with Lexa’s presence and Lexa glares at her. 

“Clarke, I wanted to talk to you alone,” Niylah finally says. 

Clarke glances between them. She looks deeply conflicted and sighs defeatedly before she finally speaks. 

“Lexa, you should just go. I’ll talk to you later,” Clarke mutters. 

Lexa isn’t sure what she expected would happen but she didn’t expect Clarke to tell her to leave. Anger and jealousy swim freely throughout her body now. She swallows dryly and nods, her expression stern as she looks at Clarke. When Lexa finally moves to leave she sees a little bit of relief fill the blue of Clarke’s irises and it makes Lexa angry. She walks quickly out of the hospital without turning around.  
\-------------------------------

Lexa’s strides are heavy as she makes her way back to downtown Polis. She opted to walk rather than take a cab because she felt the need for air to fill her lungs. It’s nearing the end of August and the nights have started to cool off ever so slightly and Lexa breathes in deeply as she trudges downward. Mount Weather is actually perched at the top of an incredibly long, steep hill and she has to exert effort in order to keep her pace from quickening into a jog. Eventually she decides running will be good for her and she speeds down the sloped sidewalk. Instead of going back to her apartment she decides to go back to the gym to work out some of her anger. Her head is foggy and she wants to try and find clarity. She always keeps an extra set of workout clothes in her locker and on Saturdays the gym is open late. 

By the time she reaches the doors of Boulder Fitness her chest is heaving and there’s a burn in her throat. There are a surprising amount of people at the gym but no one is in the boxing area so Lexa decides that hitting things would be the best outlet for her frustration. Fifteen minutes later Anya walks in while Lexa is furiously punching the speed bag. She’s quiet as she eyes Lexa carefully. Lexa ignores her and continues to hit the bag, eyes focused straight ahead. After a minute Anya calmly offers to get in the ring with her and after a pause Lexa offers a quick nod in response. 

Lexa hops into the ring and leans against the ropes while she observes Anya put the punching mitts on. Anya has always been a solid figure in her life. They grew up like family even though there wasn’t an actual relation between them. Lexa called Anya’s parents “Annie” and “Unk” and their families were always together from birthdays and holidays to simple summer barbeques and camping. Being five years older, Anya seemed so mature and untouchable to Lexa when she was small. Anya had a presence and confidence that Lexa tried desperately to mimic and Anya, in the early years, wanted nothing to do with the much younger puppy dog that seemed to follow her around. Any attention paid to Lexa by the older girl was the occasional dead leg or eye roll or scoff. This changed one day when Anya, much to her disgruntlement, was forced to collect ten year old Lexa after school. She had told Lexa to wait for her by the flagpole outside the south doors and Lexa nodded vigorously, intent on not disappointing her idol. 

When the bell rang, Lexa promptly grabbed her things and began walking to the front of the school like Anya had asked. She made it to the flagpole and knew that she would have to wait a little while for Anya to walk over from the high school so she perched herself on the bench outside, hands folded in front of her lap and feet dangling. She even told her best friend Costia that she couldn’t play with her on the playground that day and which was incredibly difficult. She loved playing with Costia, but she had more important things to do. Anya was picking her up today, and she wasn’t going to let her down. She had every intention of sitting there and waiting, until she saw Nia. 

Nia, as ten year olds go, was the worst. Lexa would have called her every bad name in the book but at the time she only knew butthead and meany. Nia was both. Nia was the kind of girl who would walk by your desk and break your pencil in half just for fun. She constantly made fun of anyone she decided she didn’t like and had a following of equally awful kids who mainly just didn’t want to get on Nia’s “hate list”. Lexa was on that list and proud of it. If ten year olds could have mortal enemies, Nia would have been Lexa’s. 

Nia locked eyes with Lexa as soon as she walked onto the playground that day. They glared at each other across the wood chips. Lexa would have won the staring contest, had Costia not shouted her name and told her to come play “groundies”. Lexa broke her focus to glance up at her friend, who was swinging her way along the monkey bars. Nia’s gaze also shifted and Lexa saw the malicious look that spread over her face. Nia grinned smugly as she stepped toward the monkey bars. Costia stopped abruptly to avoid hitting Nia and hung there patiently for Nia to move. Lexa didn’t know what Nia was up to, but she knew she didn’t trust her. 

“Get away from her!” Lexa shouted angrily and stood up, her hands automatically balling into fists.

Nia reached her hands up to Costia’s pant legs as she dangled in the space above her. Nia’s eyes swapped back and forth between Costia and Lexa. Nia wasn’t doing this because of Costia, she had no reason to dislike her. Cosita was so kind. She was the nicest girl in school and she was friends with everyone, including Lexa. Nia wanted to mess with Costia because she was Lexa’s best friend and she knew it would get under her skin. 

It only took a second for Lexa to recognize Nia’s plan. She shot forward and ran toward Nia at full speed, so quickly that Nia didn’t actually notice, because Costia had begun to squirm slightly. Nia tightened her grip on Costia’s pant legs. 

“What are you doing?” Costia asked Nia innocently, with only confusion in her tone. It was like her to think everyone was good and kindhearted, but at this moment Lexa wished she could see Nia for who she was and fight back.

The whole playground was watching as Nia flashed a devious smile up at her as she began to pull Costia’s pants down. Costia shouted and wiggled and kicked as Nia struggled to complete her plan. Lexa sprinted from the flagpole to the playground in record time and she full-force tackled Nia to the ground who made a terrible screeching sound as she went down. Nia was bigger than her but Lexa had rage on her side and pinned the girl easily. It was a messy and clumsy fight. Nia scratched Lexa’s cheek and pulled her hair, but Lexa got in a couple good punches before an older girl pulled her off of her foe. An older girl with dark brown hair and stern eyes who had told Lexa to wait for her by the flagpole. Lexa gulped as she looked up at Anya and Nia scrambled away crying. Costia and the rest of the playground attendants looked at Lexa with awe. No one had ever fought Nia before. 

Anya silently shook her head to tell Lexa they were leaving. Lexa gulped again and lowered her head to the ground. When she stopped by the flagpole to grab her backpack she felt someone tug on her wrist. Like a flash Costia told her thank you and kissed her on the cheek before darting back to the playground. Lexa lightly touched the spot on her cheek before smiling and turning to follow Anya home. 

“That was pretty stupid of you,” Anya tells her after a few minutes. 

Lexa doesn’t say anything. She hangs her head and let’s her feet scuff against the ground as she walks. She didn’t want to disappoint Anya. This was her chance to impress her and she ruined it. If only Anya knew what kind of girl Nia was, but it was useless to explain it. 

“I saw that whole thing, you know. I saw what that girl was going to do to your friend. That was a pretty sweet tackle, but you left your face completely open to her and that’s why you have this,” Anya says and points to the cut near Lexa’s eye where Nia scratched her. 

Lexa is actually speechless. She could have sworn this was going to be a lecture but she is pretty sure that Anya just complimented her. 

“I can teach you a better technique if you want,”

From that day on Anya was like a mentor to Lexa, and as Lexa got older they actually became friends. Anya knows Lexa better than anyone in this world and has seen her through many things from Lexa’s first breakup (with Costia, no less) to Lexa’s parent’s death and most recently through the injury that turned her life upside down. So it’s really no surprise that Anya knows something is bothering her. 

After thirty minutes Anya finally asks Lexa what’s going on in her head. Lexa recounts her weekend and her experience from earlier that night while she hits the practice mitts in Anya’s hands. 

“She told you to leave?” Anya asks, surprised. 

Lexa nods and strikes the mitts again. 

“I think you might be reading too much into this Lex,” 

Lexa stops her hit short and let’s her arms hang at her sides for a little. She catches her breath before asking, “Which part?”

“Well, knowing you, all of it, but I was referring to tonight. I think it was clear this other girl wasn’t planning on leaving and Clarke probably just wanted to avoid an awkward situation. You didn’t tell her you were coming, maybe this other girl didn’t either. Plus the poor girl is hungover, cut her some slack.”

Lexa is quiet as she considers Anya’s words. Anya drops her hands and starts to remove the mitts. Lexa wipes sweat off her brow and walks over to the corner to take a drink of water. 

“All I’m saying is - don’t fuck this up. I think the two of you were making progress and you tend to overthink this kind of shit and ruin it. Give her the benefit of the doubt. I don’t want to see you sulking again. This last month has been torture enough,”

Lexa rolls her eyes but she knows the Anya is right. She does have a tendency to think the worst of situations, but that’s always been an asset, never a hindrance. It was how she survived in the line of duty. She always has contingency plans for when things go south. Maybe with Clarke she doesn’t need a contingency plan. Maybe she just needs to let things be. 

As inspirational as Anya’s talks are, when Lexa gets home she doesn’t really feel any better. She knows Anya is right, but she can’t seem to shake the jealousy that seems attached to her back. She doesn’t know everything, sure, but she does know that Clarke liked Niylah enough to bring her to a party to meet her friends, liked her enough to drape her arm around Niylah’s shoulders and whisper into her ear most of the night. The two of them went three weeks without talking and a lot can happen in three weeks. Maybe they were together and Niylah is actually the one who should be angry and jealous, not Lexa. Clarke told Niylah to leave too. Last night at the party, Clarke had whispered something to Niylah before Niylah excused herself. Why would Clarke tell Niylah to leave if they were together? But why would Niylah show up to Clarke’s work if they weren’t?

Fuck, she’s doing it again, she’s overthinking this. 

Lexa tries to take Anya’s words to heart as she drifts off into a fitful night's rest. She tries to clear her mind but she doesn’t get much sleep at all. She tosses and turns and goes in and out of consciousness. She even has a few nightmares. After the last nightmare, she stares at her ceiling for a long time, afraid to know what time it is. All she can think of is Clarke. It doesn’t help that when she rolls over she can smell Clarke’s perfume on her pillows. She’s awake for several hours, unable to shut her mind off again. 

She pretends she doesn’t hear the ding of the elevator. 

She pretends she doesn’t hear the slow shuffling of feet and the dangling of keys. 

She pretends she doesn’t hear the soft click of a door close in the hallway. 

She pretends she doesn’t hear Clarke in the apartment next door. 

She pretends she doesn’t wish Clarke was next to her instead.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lexa _really_ wished she didn’t have a class today. The third Sunday of every month she teaches her free self defense class with Lincoln’s help. He demonstrates possible attacks and she demonstrates counter moves and escape methods. They usually have pretty good attendance and Lexa knew a lot of people would be disappointed so she begrudgingly dragged herself out of bed. 

Now, as she leans against the back of The Tower elevator, all she can think of is the nap she’s going to take. Her eyes are droopy and she yawns and fumbles with her keys in front of her door. She turns the handle just as the door to her right opens abruptly and a blonde haired girl bolts out of it. 

Lexa is deeply confused because it’s only 10:30am and Clarke is never awake this early, let alone on a Sunday. What’s more confusing is that Clarke sounds like she’s been waiting for her, judging by the exasperated, “ _finally_ that she whispered on the way out her door. The blonde steps toward Lexa with determination and Lexa’s eyes widen slightly. Clarke looks down and peels a blue sticker off a piece of paper and places it on her chest. 

It reads:

“ ** _Hello, my name is:_ CLARKE**”

“Hi, I’m Clarke.” Clarke looks Lexa in the eye as she smoothes the sticker over her white v-neck t-shirt. “I just moved in next door.” 

Lexa’s brows knit together but she can’t seem to stop the small smile creeping onto her lips. Clarke is such a dork, Lexa thinks. 

“What’s your name?” Clarke asks her with a tilt of her head, as if she doesn’t know. 

Lexa rolls her eyes but Clarke looks oddly serious, so she quietly says her name. Clarke pulls a sharpie from her pocket along with a red name tag. She writes “LEXA” on the sticker and presses it against Lexa’s collarbone and Lexa hears it crinkle under Clarke’s palm. 

“Nice to meet you Lexa,” Clarke says and outstretches her hand. 

“Nice to meet you, too. Welcome to the building, I hope you like it here.” Lexa smiles and shakes the blonde’s hand. 

“I’m sure I will. The building is wonderful and it’s close to my work, so that’s nice. I should warn you though, I work nights, so I have a crazy sleep schedule. I’m awake when a lot of other people are sleeping. I’ll try to keep it quiet, but if I ever wake you, just let me know. I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes. Just let me know if I’m being too loud.”

Lexa looks silently at Clarke for a long time. Clarke is smiling shyly and there’s a glint of hopefulness to her eyes. Lexa knows what she’s doing. She’s going back to the beginning. A clean slate. 

Clarke bites her lip as Lexa’s silence wears on before blurting out, “Look, Lexa, we did this wrong. _I_ did this wrong.” The blonde pauses for a second before the sentences start flowing out of her so quickly and nervously that Lexa can barely keep up. Her sentences are a string of jumbled words and she speaks so quickly that Lexa thinks Clarke might run out of breath. “I should have done this right from start. I should have talked to you when I noticed Titus putting noise policy flyers in my mail. I mean, wasn’t making noise on purpose, but you didn’t know that, you couldn’t have known. Why? Because I didn’t tell you anything, I didn’t even introduce myself like a good neighbor. And I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t know Niylah was going to show up. We had only been on like two dates and I had told her it wasn’t going to be anything serious. I was kind of a dick to her actually. I hadn’t heard from you for weeks and well, I told her I was just looking for a distraction. I actually told her that, but she still went out with me. Blows my mind. Anyway, she texted me and told me she was in the lobby and I felt like I owed her an explanation and an apology and then you showed up and I didn’t know what to do and I panicked. I really didn’t want you to leave, trust me. I mean I _just_ got you back, but I -” 

Lexa cuts Clarke off. She couldn’t help it anymore. It was a combination of how cute Clarke is when she rambles and how she had clearly been planning this all morning. Lexa pulls Clarke into her arms and kisses her and the last words of Clarke’s sentence turn into a low moan which sends a shiver up Lexa’s spine and her stomach to flip. Their lips part and Lexa takes a deep breath in, having forgotten to breathe for a second. She leans her forehead against Clarke’s, closing her eyes and revels in the lingering taste of Clarke’s lips. 

“I fucking missed you,” Clarke whispers into the space between them, gripping the sides of Lexa’s shirt. 

Lexa can’t take it anymore. She pushes Clarke against the wall at her words, possibly a little too forcefully and Clarke’s pupils grow wide before Lexa slams her lips against the blondes. Clarke moans into her mouth again as Lexa’s tongue slides against hers. Lexa shudders. She doesn’t know why she’s shaking other than that she thought maybe this would never happen. She had thought, up until 48 hours ago, that Clarke would never be hers. Yet, here she is and she’s gripping at Lexa in a way that makes her stomach flip and a burn to travel up and down her body. 

Lexa pushes against Clarke, her hands gripping at her hips. Clarke snakes her arms around Lexa’s neck and it’s not long before Lexa is picking Clarke up. Clarke’s legs wrap around Lexa’s waist and let’s Lexa carry her into the apartment. Their kisses are needy and rushed. Clarke bites Lexa’s lower lip which causes a rumble to escape Lexa’s throat. 

Lexa carries Clarke swiftly to her bedroom, Clarke removing her shirt on the journey. Lexa practically throws Clarke to the bed, her chest heaving as she looks over the girl in front of her with hooded eyes. Clarke’s eyes are dark and heavy with desire and she bites her lip as Lexa stares at her in silence. 

“ _Lexa_ ,” Clarke calls, her voice thick with wanting. 

As much as her whole body wants to go to Clarke, Lexa restrains herself. She takes a break from the urgency of before and pauses to appreciate the girl laying in front of her. She moves slowly as she crawls onto the bed, drinking Clarke in as she goes. Her eyes travel up Clarke’s porcelain skin and she leaves hot kisses first in the dip of her hips and then along her stomach and ribs as she moves upward. Each kiss creates a sound from Clarke that makes the ache between Lexa’s legs grow stronger. 

She pushes her hands up Clarke’s thighs and slowly dips between her legs, rubbing over her jeans, eliciting a whimper of pleasure and impatience from the girl beneath her. She thinks that the blonde might be holding her breath as she climbs over her. She places kiss after kiss to Clarke's pulse point and biting the skin only to soothe it with her tongue. When Lexa pulls back, her dark hair falls in front of her face and she trails her fingers across Clarke’s cheek, licking her lips slightly. Clarke's perfume floats into the space between them, making Lexa's heart skip. Clarke’s neediness gets the better of her and she reaches behind Lexa’s neck, hastily lacing her fingers through brown waves and pulling Lexa’s lips to hers. 

Lexa’s thigh grinds against Clarke’s center as Clarke’s tongue makes its way into her mouth, the sweet, cool taste of her overwhelming Lexa’s mind. Clarke groans with each thrust and Lexa can feel herself getting wetter with each sound Clarke makes. Clarke’s hips are moving on their own now, grinding against Lexa’s thigh needily. Lexa feels Clarke’s hands snake under her shirt, her fingers gripping at her hip bones before tugging at the fabric. Lexa takes this moment to bite Clarke's lip and she feels something inside Clarke shift. Clarke’s hands still and she tears her mouth from Lexa’s. 

The blonde stares intensely into Lexa’s eyes. Her blue eyes are nearly black with desire and the expression on her face is making Lexa’s heart start and stop over and over again. Clarke drags her finger down Lexa’s throat, making her swallow thickly. Clarke’s voice is deep and demanding as she hooks her finger around Lexa’s collar. 

“Take this off.” 

Lexa sits up on her knees and does as she’s told. She’d gladly do anything Clarke wanted. Clarke’s hands are on Lexa’s body before her shirt is over her head. Clarke’s fingers are warm as they trail Lexa’s abdomen, over her scar and up to her chest and back down again. When her fingers dip below the elastic of Lexa’s spandex she inhales sharply and moves forward to kiss Clarke again. Clarke places a hand on Lexa’s chest and shakes her head. Lexa sighs slightly but waits. Clarke drinks in her body a few moments more before trailing her fingers over the thin fabric of Lexa’s sports bra, grazing over her nipple.

“This too.” 

Lexa takes it off of her body slowly. Clarke’s hands are rested at her waist and Lexa can feel them twitch when she tosses her bra behind her. Clarke’s eyes, still hooded, have widened considerably as she looks at Lexa in mesmerized awe. One of her hands moves slowly up Lexa’s ribs and stops just short of Lexa’s breast, fingers skimming the underside. 

“Clarke.” Lexa says, her voice serious and low. 

Clarke’s eyes flicker to Lexa’s face and Lexa quickly moves closer to her so that her body is inches from Clarkes and their faces are so close Lexa can hear the soft inhale and exhale of Clarke’s breath. Lexa’s arms straddle Clarke’s body, one by her head, the other near the dip of her waist. 

“Touch me.” Lexa growls, growing impatient. 

At Lexa’s words Clarke squeezes her breast and takes Lexa’s lips into hers forcefully. Lexa moans into Clarke’s mouth. Clarke wraps an arm around Lexa’s waist and pushes against her, flipping their positions. She breaks their kiss and puts her mouth to Lexa’s collarbone, dragging her tongue across it. Lexa moves her head to the side to give Clarke more room, the smell of peonies and roses covering her. Everywhere Clarke touches her feels alight in an electric feeling that makes her body tingle and an ache between her legs. An ache that is growing by the second because Clarke is grinding her hips against Lexa’s center with clear intent. Clarke’s mouth moves down Lexa’s neck and she kisses the skin of Lexa’s breast, her mouth hovering over just over Lexa’s nipple. 

Clarke looks up at Lexa once and smirks, clearly pleased with the look she sees in return. She takes Lexa’s nipple into her mouth, her tongue doing incredible things, Lexa thinks. When Clarke bites lightly a moan escapes Lexa’s mouth and she scratches at Clarke’s back roughly. Her fingers find Clarke’s bra and undo it easily, the straps falling down Clarke’s arms. She removes her lips from Lexa and sits up to slide off the lacy blue bra, throwing it to the side. Lexa’s fingers move quickly, instantly cupping the swell of Clarke’s breasts. Clarke throws her head back a little and whimpers slightly, the sound reigniting Lexa’s desire for control. She’ll do anything to keep those noises coming from Clarke. 

With one swift motion Lexa sits up and spins Clarke back to the bed. Clarke looks up at her with pupils blown wide and Lexa’s not taking her time anymore. She wants more of Clarke. She wants to hear her, see her, feel her, taste her. She wants her senses to be overwhelmed to a point where the universe stops and everything is simply _Clarke._

Lexa kisses Clarke again, this time with a new sense of longing and urgency. She drags her fingers down Clarkes body, over her breasts, across her ribs and right to the button of Clarke’s jeans. She wastes no time unbuttoning them and finds that Clarke is as eager to remove them as she is. Clarke wiggles her hips out of her jeans as Lexa helps to take them off, pulling Clarke’s underwear with them, arousal drenching her when she finds them to be completed soaked. Lexa tosses them off the bed and stares down at a completely naked Clarke and finds herself thinking again that this moment is unbelieveable. 

“You’re so fucking perfect,” Lexa can’t help but say aloud. 

Clarke smiles at Lexa before pulling her close and whispering against her lips. 

“I like it when you swear,” Clarke says and Lexa grins into her kiss. 

Lexa kisses Clarke everywhere. She spends time in the crook of her neck and the ridges of her ribs and finds the noises Clarke makes when she drags her tongue along her hip bone to be especially delectable. Lexa plants hot kisses against the skin of Clarke’s thighs and it’s not long before Clarke is squirming beneath her. 

“Lexa. Fuck.” She curses as Lexa bites the inside of Clarke’s thigh slightly and then soothes it with her tongue. “Lexa, _please_. Just fuck me,” 

Lexa does as she’s told. She dips her tongue into Clarke and relishes in the taste of her and feels herself getting wetter with each moan and whimper Clarke makes as she flicks her tongue against Clarke’s clit. Clarke’s hips buck against Lexa’s mouth and Lexa grips at Clarke to steady her. Lexa can barely hear the “more” that Clarke whispers because it’s drowned out by another moan as Lexa’s tongue enters her. Again, Lexa does as she’s told and inserts first one finger, pumping in time with her tongue against her clit. Clarke’s moans are so loud now that for a brief minute Lexa is worried she might wake her neighbor before she remembers that she’s fucking her. 

Clarke pulls at Lexa’s hair as Lexa inserts another finger, curling them inside of the blonde. She quickly finds a rhythm that makes Clarke unravel. Her hips jerk violently and Clarke grips the sheets, her back arching and her thighs clenching. Lexa can feel Clarke’s walls contract and keeps her pace as the girl comes undone. 

“Lexa oh my… _fuck_.” 

Lexa helps bring Clarke down from her orgasm before removing her mouth from her center. She trails soft kisses up Clarke’s belly and along her breasts before kissing her deeply and slowly. When they part, Clarke’s chest is heaving and a sheen of sweat covers her porcelain body.

Lexa’s fingers skim across it but she stops suddenly when they start to shake. She removes her hand from Clarke’s body, aiming to hide her tremor beneath the covers but Clarke grabs hold of it quickly and presses Lexa’s palm to her heart. Clarke looks at Lexa, her blue eyes soft and kind and sincere. 

“It’s okay. You don’t have to hide it from me,” Clarke soothes and keeps Lexa’s hand against her heart until the tremor disappears. 

Lexa smiles softly at the blonde and they lay in comfortable silence with each other for a moment before Clarke sits up suddenly. 

“Now,” She pulls Lexa toward her by her hips, pulling the elastic of Lexa's pants down, a devilish grin on her face. “Let’s really see you shake,”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GIRL HEY. 
> 
> Alright, so, here's the thing - the world is shit. BUT WE HAVE TO KEEP ENJOYING THINGS OKAY. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't escape into another world for a little while to keep your sanity and your spirits up. We're going to fight this. This is not the end. That being said, if ANYONE is feeling devastated, heartbroken, alone and unsafe - your feelings are valid and you are valid. We are here. I am here for you. If anyone needs to talk, I am willing to listen. Please do not hesitate in reaching out to me. My tumblr is ioverthoughtthis and you can even reach out to me on kik at ioverthoughtthiss (that has two fucking S's on purpose, don't even get me started)
> 
> I love every single one of you, especially if you are a woman, Muslim, a person of color, an immigrant, part of the LGBT community, disabled or any other marginalized group. I love you, I love you, I love you. I will fight with you. I will fight for you. 
> 
> Okay, moving on. Here is chapter 11 in full, IT'S ABOUT TIME RIGHT?? I included the sneak peak again for simplicity . This is super long because if you're still reading this you have EARNED IT. Thank you so much for sticking with me. If I wasn't clear before, I love you. Also, this is uneditted but I've been writing forever and I work at 4:30am so it is what it is, sorry if there are typos.

Chapter 11

 

Clarke isn’t sure how long they’ve been sleeping. She’s jostled awake by Lexa rolling over. She slowly opens her eyes and props her head onto her hand so that she can trail her finger across Lexa’s bicep and into the dip of her waist. The sun bathes the room in a golden hue and illuminates Lexa’s tanned skin. As Clarke’s eyes adjust they settle on the black ink of a tattoo she didn’t know dotted Lexa’s skin. It covers the expanse of her back and Clarke is turned on just looking at it. Her fingers drag lightly over the abstract circles, delighting in the ripple of Lexa’s muscles. She does this for a few moments when she hears Lexa hum.  

 

“Good afternoon,” Clarke whispers close to Lexa and kisses the skin behind her ear softly. She can see Lexa’s smile and hears her hum again in response without opening her eyes. Clarke brushes Lexa’s hair to the side and places slow, gentle kisses along Lexa’s neck, her right palm pressing flat against Lexa’s body and snaking around her waist to pull Lexa’s against her. The feeling of Lexa’s skin pressed against hers, the fact that they are both naked in bed together, does things to Clarke she can’t describe. She wants to relish every moment. Her kisses grow more urgent and as she sucks at Lexa’s pulse point her hand grips Lexa’s breast. She hears Lexa moan lightly and grins against her skin. She could hear Lexa moan for the rest of her days.

 

“Clarke…” Lexa scolds under her breath, albeit unconvincingly, “We need to talk about lunch.”

 

“Mmm,” Clarke hums against Lexa’s neck and breathes hotly into Lexa’s ear, dragging her bottom lip against Lexa’s skin. “I actually don’t think we need to talk at all…”

 

Lexa shivers and sighs as Clarke sucks on Lexa’s skin temptingly, squeezing her breast for good measure. Clarke thinks she might just have convinced Lexa they should go for round four, when Lexa inhales deeply and turns around quickly and pins Clarke’s hand to her side.

 

“Clarke. I need _food_ ,”

 

Clarke hangs her head in defeat. Lexa smiles and snuggles closer. She leans in and places a soft, delicate kiss to Clarke’s lips. It’s gentle and over too quickly, Clarke thinks. Lexa pulls back and brushes her nose over Clarke’s and it’s intimate in the simplest of ways and sends butterflies shooting through Clarke’s stomach. Lexa props herself up on her elbow to mirror Clarke, her left hand drawing figure eight’s into Clarke’s side. She leans her forehead against Clarke’s.

 

“I’ll compromise,” Lexa says sleepily. “Take-out?”

 

“I’d rather eat out,” Clarke says and wiggles her eyebrows.

 

Lexa rolls her eyes and falls backward on the bed. “You’re ridiculous,” she says sternly but the grin on her face tells Clarke differently.

 

Clarke laughs at her own joke before leaning down quickly and pecking Lexa’s cheek. She rolls over and gets out of bed, pulling on the first item of clothing she can find, which is the running jacket Lexa was wearing. She zips it up partially and searches the room for her pants, specifically looking for the phone that was in her back pocket. She locates her pants across the room by Lexa’s dresser but her phone is missing. She bends over to look underneath the drawers when she hears Lexa hum in approval. She whips her head around quickly to see Lexa biting her lip and admiring her ass.

 

“On second thought I’m not that hungry…” Lexa mumbles, her mind clearly wandering someplace else. Her eyes are hooded as she drinks in Clarke’s figure.  

 

“No, but it looks like you are suddenly very, _very_   thirsty,” Clarke smirks as her hand finds her phone underneath the dresser and slides it out.

 

They order Chinese food and Clarke is just finishing her orgasm when the delivery driver knocks on the door. Lexa curses under her breath and Clarke laughs breathily. Lexa rubs Clarke’s clit forcefully with her thumb as she pulls her fingers out of her, knowing full well that Clarke is too sensitive to handle it. Clarke’s hips buck and she squirms away from Lexa’s hand, glaring a little at the brunette. Lexa grins and pulls sweatpants on as she moves to the door. The driver knocks again impatiently.

 

“Coming!” Lexa says, grabbing a shirt from the floor and throwing it on.

 

“In more ways than one…” Clarke mumbles and smiles into the pillow as Lexa leaves.

 

There’s an airy lightness to her legs and she hopes that Lexa will bring the food into the room so she won’t have to stand. She hears the door slam shut and waits a few moments before she feels Lexa slide her hands over her spine and her hair fall against Clarke’s shoulders. Lexa places kiss after kiss up Clarke’s back before turning her head and kissing her lips. It’s quick, yet satisfying and Lexa rubs her nose over Clarke’s again when they part and it sends goosebumps across her skin. It’s such a little touch, an unconscious gesture, but Clarke can’t help but melt.

 

“I know that you do literally _everything_  in your bedroom, but we’re not eating in mine,” Lexa says wrapping her arm around Clarke’s middle.

 

“You ate plenty this morning,” Clarke smirks.

 

Lexa hits her with a pillow.

 

They watch Friends while they eat. Of course Lexa uses chopsticks flawlessly and she laughs as Clarke struggles. She tries to teach Clarke how to properly grip them but it’s no use. Clarke juts out her bottom lip every time her orange chicken falls from her grasp.

 

“You’re really cute when you pout,” Lexa chuckles and grabs her a fork.

 

“Shut up,” Clarke spats, pretending to be offended, but just pouts again.

 

As they watch the television Clarke can’t stop grinning while Lexa laughs at jokes she’s only just now hearing in episodes Clarke has seen dozens of times. Lexa’s laugh is contagious in the way that it starts in low giggles sometimes and builds in intensity but other times it’s like she’s so caught off guard by it that it just bursts out at full volume. Either way it lights up every corner of her face and makes her green eyes sparkle. Watching her, Clarke thinks that the girl on the couch might be the closest thing to perfect she’s ever seen and the butterflies in her stomach flutter furiously at the thought.

 

Lexa is nibbling on a fortune cookie when she realizes Clarke is staring and looks over. “What?” She says, smiling self-consciously.

 

“Nothing,” Clarke says but can’t stop herself from pulling Lexa forward by the collar to kiss her, tasting the sweet sugar of the cookie on Lexa’s tongue.

 

The kiss starts slow and Clarke never meant for it to move past anything but chaste. She just had things to tell Lexa that couldn’t be done with words. There’s a feeling in her core that Clarke can’t describe. It’s almost paradoxical. When she looks at Lexa she feels exhilarated, like she’s standing on the edge of a cliff, inches away from falling and yet despite this she’s completely relaxed. Lexa is peace for Clarke’s soul.

 

Lexa is taken by surprise when Clarke brings her forward, but it’s her who drops the cookie in her hand and melts into Clarke’s lips. It’s Lexa who deftly unzips the athletic jacket Clarke is still wearing, exposing Clarke’s breasts and causing a shiver of cold to run across her skin. It’s Lexa who slides her tongue against Clarke’s and pushes her backward onto the couch and there’s the edge of that cliff again but Clarke would glad let Lexa push her off.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

One thing is for sure - Lexa is good, too good. And Clarke is smitten.

 

Lexa is beyond kind and considerate. Clarke thinks she might possibly be unworthy of such affection. She always gets ready and leaves as quietly as she can if she has to wake up before Clarke. Lexa brings her food, often homemade, during her overnight shifts. She gives Clarke back rubs after days that leave her drained and brings her coffee in the morning. Once there was even a rose in front of Clarke’s door when she was leaving for work one day. As an added bonus, Lexa also gives Clarke the best orgasms of her life.

 

In addition to how sweet Lexa is, she’s also hilariously goofy and constantly making Clarke laugh. She loves puns more than anyone should and it still takes Clarke by surprise how witty and sarcastic Lexa can be. And she’s smart, god she’s so smart. The two of them can talk about everything from politics to art and each time Clarke is floored by how much Lexa knows and how intelligently she lays out her points. Sometimes, if they are in a debate Clarke just completely forgets her point because Lexa looks even more beautiful when she’s passionately arguing something she cares about.

 

There’s just one problem. They hardly see each other. And that, as Clarke would say, fucking blows.

 

Clarke no longer wonders how it was possible that they went so long without ever meeting each other. They’ve been dating for two months and it still takes actual effort for her to even see Lexa more than once a week. It only took about two weeks for Lexa to start leaving her apartment unlocked so Clarke could slide into bed with her when she got off work. Clarke felt worried about Lexa leaving her doors open, but then she remembered that Lexa is literally a Marine and teaches krav maga for a living so she allowed it. Besides, the biggest threat to anyone in the building is most likely Indra and Lexa could take her...probably.

 

There were only two issues with Clarke staying over at Lexa’s. The first was that her apartment was entirely too quiet, but Lexa quickly remedied that and bought a small fan so that Clarke could fall asleep to the soft whirring of the motor. The second is that when Clarke wakes up Lexa has already left for work. Her brain refuses to expect this though and each morning she reaches over to wrap her arm around Lexa only to be met with empty space, which leaves a hollow feeling in Clarke’s chest. The only consolation prize is being able to scoot over to the other side of the bed and bury her face in a pillow that smells _nearly_ as good at the real thing, if only for a little bit.

 

The two of them try to make the best of it. Clarke joined Lexa’s gym, mainly because Anya said she couldn’t just lurk around like a stalker just to watch Lexa all day and told her that she had to actually _do_ something. She’s been going to a few of Lexa’s classes every Friday since she has the day off but has also run the parkour course with Lincoln a few times. Nyko taught her how to belay and the two of them spent a few hours rock climbing one afternoon. She’s even been to a few of Octavia’s yoga classes.

 

She’s known Octavia’s brother Bellamy for a while. They worked the same menial retail job in high school and he saved her sanity during the monotonous hours of organizing shelves. He was a few years older than her and he moved to Polis when he graduated. In fact, he was one of the driving forces behind her move. They kept in touch online and she had messaged him about her possibly making the change because she felt like she needed some fresh air and asked him how he liked it. He told her to move immediately, because she wouldn’t know what fresh air was until coming to Polis.

 

Despite her friendship with Bellamy she didn’t really know his little sister Octavia very well. In high school no one really knew she existed, she kept to herself pretty much all the time. She had no idea Octavia worked at Lexa’s gym and it was only at the poker night that she found out Octavia had moved down here. The last time Clarke saw her, Octavia was a sophomore in high school and Clarke was a senior. They ran into each other at a party and Clarke gave Octavia her first beer. She seemed so little and timid back then that it kind of knocked Clarke backwards a little to see her now; drenched in confidence and the life of the party.

 

Lexa finally convinced Raven to join the gym as well so Clarke would have someone to go with and the two of them found out they have a lot in common, including an ex boyfriend that she dated very briefly back when she lived in Arcadia. Clarke was mortified to find out that the asshole that didn’t tell her he had a girlfriend was the same asshole that cheated on Raven...with Clarke. Clarke was sick to her stomach with the news and apologized profusely to Raven. Raven was surprisingly cavalier about the whole thing and even _laughed_. Clarke was sure it was an evil laugh and that she was about to be murdered but Raven just shook her head and told Clarke it made sense that he screwed over more than one girl and they should both be glad to be rid of him.

 

“Is that why you were at that bar? To hear him play?” Raven asked.

 

“That was _him_?!” Clarke asked. “God, I didn’t even recognize him. I had no idea. He sure looks like a douchebag with that haircut now,” She explained and Raven laughed again.  

 

Surprisingly, the only one of Lexa’s friends that Clarke hadn’t seem to win over was Anya. She had a menacing look about her and Clarke could never seem to get her to crack a smile. Anya seemed deeply skeptical about Clarke and Lexa’s relationship, being that it started out a little rocky but Lexa assured her that Anya did like her and that was just how Anya was.

 

Lexa and Clarke tried to make grand plans for the weekends, specifically Sundays which was the only day they got entirely to themselves, but they usually just ended up staying in bed all day. Clarke feels a little guilty about them basically both becoming shut-ins but there is something just so intoxicating about the feel of Lexa’s skin that doesn’t make her ever want to leave the bedroom. Or ever let go of her for that matter. She also feels a little remorseful that she introduced Lexa to Netflix. It’s almost like she introduced Lexa to TV in general and Lexa is quickly becoming obsessed.

 

She still finds weird that Lexa didn’t really watch movies or TV before. Though it’s not unheard of to not have your own Netflix account, Clarke had assumed Lexa had at least stolen someone else’s password. Turns out Lexa only bought a subscription after she met Clarke so she could watch Friends (and Clarke secretly melted at that).

 

There was a time one Friday night that Clarke had stood pantless in the middle of the room, popcorn in hand and jaw dropped when Lexa told her she hadn’t seen The Walking Dead. Had they not already been in the middle of a Disney movie marathon she would have made them start watching that immediately. After they finished watching 100 Dalmatians, Clarke sat Lexa down and began her Netflix education, listing show after show that Lexa needed to watch.

 

Lexa seemed to like anything with action and violence so Game of Thrones was right up her alley and she finished that in a couple days. After a few weeks Clarke realized that Lexa had quickly developed an addiction. Without Clarke to keep her company during the week Lexa had begun binge watching god damn  _everything._ Clarke actually thought she might have to stage an intervention. The plus side is that Lexa also started watching anything she could on the Food Network, which meant that Clarke got expertly crafted meals at least once a week because Lexa had “new recipes” to try out.

 

Alternatively, Lexa was dumbstruck when Clarke mentioned she hadn’t read Harry Potter. When she insisted that watching the movies was the same thing she thought Lexa might have an aneurysm. The next day when she walked into Lexa’s apartment after work there was a box set of Harry Potter books on the coffee table for her. Clarke read them in two weeks. Turns out the movies were not the same thing, not even close.

 

One Sunday afternoon they were cuddling on the couch, Lexa’s head in Clarke’s lap and Clarke absentmindedly stroking the side of Lexa’s face as they watched a nature documentary. Then Clarke made the offhand comment that she’d like to go camping one day and Lexa lost her marbles.

 

“Wait, what do you mean? You’ve nev- you’ve never been camping?!” Lexa turning abruptly to look at Clarke.

 

“My family didn’t really get out much. We were ‘indoor’ people.” Clarke says making air quotes above Lexa’s head.  

 

“So you’ve never gone swimming in a lake? Never slept in a tent?? NEVER ROASTED MARSHMALLOWS?!” Lexa nearly shouts, her voice rising an octave with each question as she sits up from Clarke’s lap.

 

“Once I roasted marshmallows over the stove…” Clarke suggests shyly.

 

“Over the stove?! That's not even- That doesn't - What are you saying?! YOU CAN’T MAKE A S’MORE OVER THE STOVE!” Lexa shouts, gesturing wildly.

 

“Babe, babe, whoa... could you take a deep breath really quick? Because I think you might pass out. Can I check your pulse? You’re scaring me,” Clarke is fighting back laughter but there is also genuine concern in her voice because the look on Lexa’s face is damn near panic stricken. Lexa’s cheeks are flushed and her eyes erratic. Clarke gently rubs both of Lexa’s biceps with her palms.

 

“I just can’t believe that you’ve never...you know that means we have to go now,” Lexa says, exasperated.

                     

“Sure babe, we’ll go sometime. Like I said, I want to...” Clarke coos softly, placating her in an attempt to soothe Lexa back down to a normal state.

 

“No, I mean we have to go right away. Summer is almost over. I mean, soon it’ll be too cold to swim in the lake!” Lexa babbles frantically, getting off the couch and talking with her hands.

 

Two weeks later on a Friday afternoon they are packing up a Jeep Grand Cherokee that Lexa borrowed from Nyko. Clarke basically had to sell her soul to get the entire weekend off, especially with this short notice. No one ever wants to  cover a Saturday overnight shift. She begged and pleaded with the other surgical techs and after trading her overnight in exchange for two Sunday overnights in the next two weeks she was able to make it happen. Lexa felt extremely guilty when she found out and she almost called off the whole thing, but Clarke assured her it would be worth it. She loved the excitement she could see flickering in Lexa’s emerald eyes. Lexa was straight up _giddy_ which Clarke absolutely melted for. She’d do whatever it took to keep that grin on Lexa’s face and the pep in her step.

 

Lexa had asked Lincoln, Nyko and Anya to tag along on the trip but Nyko politely declined because he had a “hot date” with some guy he met while teaching a belay certification course, but said borrowing his car wouldn’t be a problem. Lincoln and Anya however, were all for it. Lincoln, of course, brought Octavia. Raven also jumped at the chance to get away and was really amped up to see how well she remembered how to use a compass from her Girl Scout days.

 

“You were a girl scout?” Lexa had asked incredulously, failing to conceal her laughter.

 

“That’s right. I was a Brownie, bitch, you got something to say to me?” Raven had replied, stretching her tiny arms out in an effort to look intimidating. If anything, going to the gym more had given Raven an extra dose of confidence.  

 

Naturally, Jasper and Monty were both coming, even though neither had technically been invited. She was planning on asking them anyway but Clarke is actually still unsure of how they found out. The thought that they may have her phone tapped and her apartment bugged has crossed her mind. Regardless, she woke up to a text one morning from Monty asking what time they all were leaving and a text from Jasper asking what booze she thought went best with “the great outdoors”.  

 

Lincoln, Octavia, Anya and Raven all packed themselves into Lincoln’s Ford Explorer while Jasper, Monty, Lexa and Clarke ended up in Nyko’s Jeep.

 

Lexa hops into the driver’s seat when they finish packing everything up and Clarke glances at Jasper and Monty as they play rock, paper, scissors for shotgun. Clarke walks right passed them and opens the passenger’s side door to get into the car.  

 

“Clarke! That’s cheating!” They both whine in unison.

 

“First of all - girlfriend.” Clarke points her thumb to Lexa who Clarke sees smile out of the corner of her eye and offers up a small wave to Jasper and Monty. “No, babe, look intimidating,” Clarke says.

 

“Oh, sorry,” Lexa says and shakes her head before replacing her sweet smile with an admittedly ferocious looking scowl but that only lasts a second before she starts smiling again and begins to giggle. Clarke rolls her eyes. As it stands, Jasper and Monty insist that Lexa is terrifying and Clarke can barely take them seriously, Lexa can’t even look scary for five seconds.  

 

“Second of all,” Clarke starts again. “You’re both idiots to think I’d ever give you shotgun, just get in the car.”

 

“Aye, aye captain!” Jasper says and salutes her.

 

This is the first time that all their friends have been together since the poker night and Clarke is nervous her friends are going to embarrass her. Well, that’s more than guaranteed, but she’s nervous that Lexa won’t like them. It’s a two hour car ride and that’s plenty of time for Jasper and Monty to make asses of themselves. Clarke loves them like brother’s though as she’s known them both since pre-school and hopes they make a good impression. After all, it was technically Jasper and Monty who started all the bad blood between Clarke and Lexa anyway, with their loud antics across apartment walls and Clarke doesn’t want that to continue.

 

The trip is surprisingly painless. Jasper sleeps much of the way and Monty is surprisingly polite and extra friendly. He asks Lexa questions about herself and she does the same for him. After an hour or so Jasper wakes up and he and Monty start telling stories about Clarke’s childhood, much to Lexa’s delight and Clarke’s horror. They even tell Lexa about the time Clarke punched a girl in the face for taking her oreo at lunch time in fourth grade.

 

“I really liked Oreo’s…” Clarke mumbles when Lexa turns to her, shocked, but grinning from ear to ear.

 

Clarke is pretty much in awe most of the drive. She’s never been this far into the mountains before. Although the cliffs the roads are winding around are getting increasingly more sheer, they don’t frighten Clarke. Probably because she is too entranced by the trees. The trees are absolutely gorgeous. Some of the leaves hint at the impending autumn with a few vibrant yellows highlighting vast layers of green. Clarke always thought Polis was beautiful because it was so green, but she never knew that this was practically her backyard.

 

She immediately kicks herself for not coming up here sooner. She always made excuses like work taking up too much of her time, but she could have made more effort. She rolls her eyes at herself that she immediately dropped everything to make Lexa happy but previously wasn’t willing do the same for herself. Except that Lexa makes her happy, so she supposes it’s come full circle. Lexa brought Clarke out of a hole she had been in. For the last few months Clarke feels like she’s just been floating through life, but Lexa makes her feel more. Lexa makes her excited about the future for the first time in awhile. Still, Clarke makes a silent promise that she’ll do more things for herself moving forward. She’s going to quit making excuses.   

 

As they drive further up the mountain, Lexa teaches all three of them that it is considered good luck to hold your breath when you drive through tunnels, but some tunnels are longer than others and not everyone can hold it all the way through. This immediately gets Jasper and Monty’s attention seeing as how they love any challenge or competition. As much as they love winning, they also love playing dirty and punch and poke each other during the tunnels they enter in an effort to get the other person to lose. Jasper even tries this with Lexa once, but she grabs his wrist with expert reflex before he could get to her and he gasps. Lexa ends up winning every tunnel, even a ridiculously long one where Clarke was fairly sure she was going to pass out. Naturally, Jasper and Monty both accuse her of cheating and having super lungs. She merely shrugs and says she’s been doing this since she was two years old.

 

At some point, God knows why, Lexa agrees to let Jasper control the music. Instead of using his own phone, he scrolls through Lexa’s and begins judging her music taste. Except the wonderful thing about Lexa is that she listens to damn near everything, and even though Jasper finds a few songs he deems questionable (for instance, Lexa’s entire ABBA album. But everyone loves ABBA? Lexa had said, genuinely confused) he finds that he approves of her collection. Jasper yells out when he finds out Lexa listens to The Offspring and the four of them join together in a rowdy rendition of  _Spare Me The Details_. Jasper has an annoying habit of switching the song before  it’s over though (right when Clarke is getting into it) and he switches to Radiohead and then The Arctic Monkeys and then Blink-182, Two Door Cinema Club, Walk the Moon and even, weirdly, Cher for a little bit. He does this for several songs and Clarke tells Lexa to get used to it and she brought this on herself.

 

“Wait a second,” Jasper says and pauses the music. “What is _t_ _his_?”

 

He flashes the phone to Lexa and for a second Clarke thinks she seems embarrassed but Lexa cracks a smile before telling Jasper it’s a classic. Jasper pushes play and Clarke bobs her head along to an electronic beat that she could see playing in a club and doesn’t see why Jasper was so excited. Then the chorus starts and Clarke looks at Lexa with alarm. Jasper turns it up.

 

_We want big booty bitches. Big, big booty bitches._

 

“Um, Lexa? What the hell are we listening to?” Clarke asks, befuddled, but a smile creeping up on her face.

 

“I like it!” Monty yells over the bass while he and Jasper bounce around in the backseat.

 

“I honestly don’t know, one of my marine buddies found this remix on the YouTube and it made us laugh when we were deployed. It kept our spirits up, so I kept it,” Lexa grins and bobs her head. Clarke laughs at the ridiculous of the song and of Lexa, who is constantly surprising her.

 

We want big booty bitches. Little bitches get out, we don’t want no skinny bitches. We want big booty bitches.

Monty steals the phone away from Jasper and eventually they return Lexa’s music to shuffle and settle into the backseat again. A few minutes pass and immediately Jasper is bored.

 

“Are we there yet?” Jasper whines.

 

“Are we lost? We’re lost, right? We’ve gotta be lost,” Monty says, staring out the window. They are deep into the mountains at this point, surrounded by thick woods in all directions.

 

“We’re not lost,” Lexa smiles.

 

“We’ve been driving for seven million hours,” Jasper whines again. “I’m hungry.”

 

“Oh my god, you big baby, eat this,” Clarke hands him a fruit bar from her backpack.

 

“We’re almost there,” Lexa says with a soft grin.

 

A moment later she slows and turns off the paved road onto a dirt road to the right. Clarke would absolutely have missed it if she were driving. The road is marked with a small wooden post that looks handmade with a small arrow carved into it but the post is nearly overgrown with branches and leaves of a nearby tree, but as Lexa makes the turn Clarke can tell she’s doing it mostly by memory anyway. She can tell Lexa has been coming here for years.

 

Suddenly, as Lexa reaches her right hand across the steering wheel to complete the turn, her grip slips and she loses control of the wheel. The Jeep swerves abruptly the opposite direction, throwing them all to the left. Lexa quickly recovers the wheel and immediately jerks it back to the right and slams on the breaks, narrowly avoiding a tree.

 

Everyone inside seems to exhale at the same time, releasing the breath they didn’t know they were holding. The four of them sit in silence for a moment, trying to reign in their nerves.

 

It’s Monty who speaks first. He simply says, “Whoa.”

 

Lexa takes a deep breath in before saying, “Is everyone alright? I’m so sorry, my hand slipped. I wasn’t prepared for… my grip…my hand slipped. I’m so sorry.”

 

Lexa looks terrified and guilty and nervous all at once. She trails off and looks down at her lap, wringing her hands together. Clarke reaches over and rubs Lexa’s thigh before taking her hand.

 

“It’s okay, it wasn’t your fault. We’re okay, you handled it perfectly. Everything is fine,” Clarke reassures her.

 

“Woohoo that was intense! Talk about an adrenaline rush! Way to start off the weekend! Anyway, what are we doing just sitting here? Onward! We’ve got s’mores to make and booze to drink!” Jasper shouts and lightly pats Lexa on the shoulder, clearly unfazed by the entire event.

 

Lexa smiles. Clarke squeezes her hand and mouths “it’s okay”. Lexa nods and turns the car back on. The path is bumpy for a while and Jasper and Monty exaggerate the bounciness of the vehicle, throwing themselves about the backseat and into each other. Clarke isn’t sure how much more of them she can take. They’ve been cooped up too long and their “brush with death”, as Jasper put it, has riled them up.

 

About fifteen minutes later Lexa drives down a small hill and pulls to a stop in front of a small clearing of trees. In front of them is a beautiful, crystal clear lake that takes Clarke’s breath away. There’s several areas within the trees next to them that are nearly perfect circles of level ground, ideal for tents Clarke assumes. Near the shoreline is a small, man-made dock and in the middle of the clearing lies the remnants of a stone fire pit. There’s a rickety picnic table that looks older than Clarke tucked against a nook made by two huge boulders leaning against each other. Other than that it’s just lush trees, open space, and a gleaming lake reflecting back a gorgeous mountainscape. It truly takes Clarke’s breath away.

 

“Wow…” She breathes out.

 

“That’s the look I was hoping for,” She says looking at Clarke with a huge smile that envelopes her whole face; lighting up her eyes and warming her cheeks.  

 

Clarke squeals and turns sharply to jump into Lexa’s arms. Lexa is completely taken off guard and stumbles backwards a few steps as Clarke wraps her legs around Lexa’s waist. Lexa wraps her arms around Clarke’s butt as she regains her footing and Clarke can barely keep her grin at bay as she kisses Lexa over and over again.

 

“Gross!” Monty chides and his voice sounds far away.

 

Clarke flips him off from behind her back, still kissing Lexa. She turns her neck to see that Jasper and Monty have already started climbing the mountainside that borders their campsite. Monty has already reached the summit and is climbing up a large boulder. Jasper is close behind, panting slightly. A step or two more and he’s basically crawling up the rockface. He stops at the rock and grips the edge, his feet dangling no more than six inches off the ground.

 

“Scar! Brother!” Jasper shouts at Monty. “Help me!”

 

Monty bends down and grips Jasper’s hands dramatically before saying, “Long live the King!” and prying Jasper’s hands off the rock

 

“Nooooooooooo,” Jasper dramatically screams and flings himself backwards in slow motion.

 

Clarke claps and Lexa shouts, “Bravo!”

 

“We probably shouldn’t encourage them,” Clarke muses and Lexa winks.

 

A moment later they hear the beep of a car horn and tires rolling to a stop against gravel. Lexa sets Clarke down and the two of them walk towards the other vehicle, hands laced together, while Jasper and Monty begin their descent down the hill, realizing it’s slightly harder than the way up.

 

“What took you so long?” Lexa asks Lincoln as he exits the car.

 

“He missed the turn, as if he hasn’t been coming here his entire life.” Anya remarks as she gets out of the car.

 

“She’s never going to let me live that down,” Lincoln shakes his head and rolls his eyes as he opens the hatch of his car. “Is anyone supervising them?” He asks and nods his head towards Monty and Jasper who have basically tripped down the rest of the mountain.

 

“They’ll be fine,” Clarke assures him just as she hears Jasper yelp and slide to his ass. “Probably.”  

 

Lexa and Clarke  pull out their tent, sleeping bags, cooler, and various other camping supplies. Clarke even brought her ukulele.

 

“I knew it! I knew that was a ukulele!” Lexa had said when Clarke brought it over when they were packing the night before.

 

“You heard that?” Clarke had asked in return.

 

“Clarke. I heard everything,” Lexa rolled her eyes as she pecked Clarke quickly on the lips.   

 

Jasper and Monty finally emerge from their adventure, not entirely unscathed and walk over to the back of the Jeep.

 

“So which one of you ladies is bunking with me tonight?” Jasper asks.

 

He wiggles his eyes at Raven who audibly scoffs so he turns his attention to Anya, which makes Clarke freeze in her tracks. She can hear Lexa whisper “uh oh” under her breath and sees a knowing smile on her face. Anya drops her tent on the ground and walks up to Jasper slowly with a look that could kill. Jasper gulps as Anya gets close.

 

“I eat little boys like you for breakfast,” she says darkly.

 

Raven laughs out loud and Anya smirks at the look on Jasper’s face.

 

“Nice first impression, idiot,” Monty says and shoves the tent bag against Jasper’s chest.

 

They all set about pitching their tents before night falls. Clarke looks over while they are setting up their tent (while Lexa is setting up the tent, who are they kidding) and sees Anya and Raven laughing.

 

“What the hell? How come Raven can make Anya laugh but not me? Am I not funny?”

 

“You’re funny Clarke, super unhelpful, but funny,” Lexa says, struggling with one of the poles because Clarke suddenly stopped holding it.

 

“Sorry! Sorry…” She smiles guilty at Lexa and grabs it again.

 

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” Lexa grins.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

An hour later they all have their tents pitched and ready to go. Even Jasper and Monty managed...with the help of Lexa and Lincoln. Jasper and Monty assured them they would make the fire to make it up to them and Lincoln and Lexa both shouted “No!” at the same time.

 

Once the fire was stoked and the cooked hot dogs over the flames they took turns roasting marshmallows and Clarke had to admit to Lexa that it wasn’t the same as making them over the stove. It didn’t take long before Jasper brought out the booze and they all did shots of whiskey, which made Clarke grimace and shake her head. Lincoln brought out some beers and inexplicably Jasper materializes a ping pong ball.

 

“Where did you get that?” Clarke asks, dumbfounded.

 

“I always bring one with me, just in case. Beer pong! Who’s up?”

 

They drag the decrepit picnic table out from the corner. Clarke insists they use water because once that ping pong ball goes into the pine needles and moss there is no way she’s drinking a beer from those cups. Monty and Jasper play Clarke and Lexa first. It’s a close game and it ends with one cup each. Monty sinks their last cup but, as the rules state, Clarke and Lexa get a rebuttal shot. Clarke hands the ball to Lexa and wishes her luck. She takes a deep breath in, eyes narrowed in concentration, lines up her shot and lofts the ping pong ball...completely in the wrong direction. Clarke thinks she sees Lexa’s hand flinch at the last second and the ball is careened three feet to Monty’s right.

 

“What the fuck was that Woods?” Anya shouts from her seat by the fire next to Raven.

 

“Yeah Lex, that was terrible. You wasted already?” Raven agrees.

 

“Nearly,” Lexa explains and Clarke sees her wring her hands together before picking up her beer and chugging the rest of it. “Anyway, good game, valiantly fought.”

 

“Losers take shots!” Jasper yells and points to the bottle of Jack on the bench.

 

“Is that a new rule?” Clarke asks, pouring herself a shot.

 

“Camping rules,” Jasper explains before yelling, “Next challenger!”  

 

Clarke feels a soft, cold hand slide across hers and she smiles as the warmth of Lexa’s breath flows over her cheek. It sends goosebumps down her side and she shivers slightly. Clarke leans back into Lexa and feels her mouth press lightly to her ear.   

 

“Hey,” Lexa whispers. “Come with me.”

 

Lexa’s voice is low and drenched in alcohol. As Clarke turns around to look at Lexa there’s a hint of something that shows in the corners of her smile and creases of her eyes. Clarke thinks it might be anticipation. Lexa has a flashlight in her hands and a blanket over her shoulder. She leads Clarke up a hill and into the forest and as before they slip out of sight she can hear Raven give a whoop and Lincoln tell them not to get lost.

 

“Unlike some people I know these trees like the back of my hand!” Lexa calls back and Lincoln dismisses her with a wave.

 

“Where are we going?” Clarke asks and Lexa just smiles and nods her head forward.

 

The trek is more difficult than Clarke had figured, due in large part to how drunk she suddenly finds herself.  Apparently losing a game of beer pong and taking several shots at this altitude makes her a lush. She stumbles behind Lexa and after walking for about ten minutes Clarke starts to grow impatient and asks Lexa where she is taking her again.  

 

“Somewhere special,” Lexa grins. “Just wait.”

 

Clarke sighs loudly. “I’m not good at waiting, especially when you look...mmm, just so good right now. I’m really into ‘Explorer Lexa’.”

 

Lexa stops in her tracks, a devilish grin illuminated by the flashlight in her hands.

 

“Is that so?” Lexa says smiling coyly.

 

Clarke sucks in her bottom lip and steps up close to Lexa, gripping the collar of her jacket. “Mmhmm,” Clarke hums before pulling Lexa’s lips down to hers.

 

It’s been hours since she kissed Lexa, properly, deeply kissed her and god has she missed it. She always misses it. The taste of Lexa is intoxicating, addictive, and the way Lexa is kissing her back right now tells Clarke she feels the same way about her. The alcohol swimming in her bloodstream makes Clarke’s movements slightly uncoordinated and hasty but all she wants to do is hear Lexa moan. She pushes her tongue into Lexa’s mouth and gets her wish. Lexa moans softly, but Clarke isn’t interested in softly. She pulls the blanket draped across Lexa’s shoulder off, tossing it to the side. She tightens the grip on Lexa’s jacket and pushes her backward. Lexa’s back meets a tree and Clarke bites down on Lexa’s lip. This time Lexa gasps, caught off guard by Clarke’s sudden aggressiveness.

 

Lexa drops the flashlight to the ground and one of her hands makes its way to the back of Clarke’s neck, the other placed against the tree to steady herself. Clarke moves her hands up and inside Lexa’s shirt, feeling her shudder from the cold of Clarke’s fingers as they trail Lexa’s waistline. Clarke’s lips move to Lexa’s pulse point and she bites at the skin there just hard enough to elicit a whimper from Lexa before soothing it with her tongue. Clarke pushes her thigh against Lexa’s center and Lexa inhales sharply.

 

“I want you,” Clarke whispers into Lexa’s ear and Lexa simply nods, exhaling loudly.

 

The alcohol might have made the hike more difficult but it surely hasn’t affected Clarke’s dexterity. She deftly undoes the button of Lexa’s jeans and plunges her fingers beneath Lexa’s underwear. She moans loudly when she discovers how wet Lexa is, a moan that is returned by Lexa when Clarke’s fingers trail over her clit. With her free hand she drags her fingernails down Lexa’s thigh and hikes it up to her waist to improve the angle.

 

She slowly brushes her fingers over Lexa, eliciting shudder after shudder, but teases around Lexa’s entrance, causing Lexa to rock her hips against Clarke’s palm.

 

“Clarke...please...” Lexa whimpers breathily.

 

There’s just something so enticing, so unbelievably arousing about Lexa’s voice, especially her begging for Clarke to pleasure her. Clarke’s wet at just the sound of it. She curls her fingers into Lexa’s center and revels in the airy moan that comes from Lexa’s mouth. As she pumps her fingers, Lexa moans loudly and grips the back of Clarke’s jacket, burying her face in Clarke’s hair.

 

Clarke angles her wrist so that she can rub her thumb against Lexa’s clit while she strokes steadily inside of her and it doesn’t take long before she can feel Lexa’s walls contract and tremors suddenly wrack her body. Lexa’s grip on Clarke’s jacket becomes vice-like as she whispers against Clarke’s ear a breathy “fuckkkk” and she rides out her orgasm, crying out loudly, achingly, with pleasure. Clarke could listen to Lexa’s moans forever.

 

As Clarke coaxes Lexa down from her orgasm and pulls her hand from Lexa’s jeans, Lexa removes her face from Clarke’s tresses and leans her head against the back of the tree, eyes closed and chest heaving. The flashlight, still on the ground, casts a shadow over her face, but Clarke can see a light sheen of sweat on Lexa’s forehead glistening in the light.

 

When Lexa opens her eyes she looks at Clarke intensely. The dark shadows on her face shroud her eyes and make her look almost menacing. She reminds Clarke of a wolf, hungry to devour it’s next meal. With the way she’s staring into Clarke’s eyes, everything tells Clarke that next meal is going to be her.

 

Lexa steps forward quickly and wraps her hand around the back of Clarke’s head, tangling her fingers into blonde locks and crashing their lips together. Their kisses are rushed and heavy and at this point just a formality. Lexa wastes no time in picking Clarke up and setting her on a large rock to the left of them. Lexa’s lips are hot against Clarke’s neck and stand in sharp contrast to the night air that is growing steadily cooler. If Clarke’s body wasn’t on fire she’s sure she’d be shivering. Everywhere that Lexa touches burns with arousal.

 

Lexa pushes Clarke’s back against the rock, supporting Clarke’s weight with one arm around her ass. With her other hand Lexa quickly unzips Clarke’s pants and pulls her jeans and panties to her knees. Despite the heat radiating from her body, Clarke sucks in a breath at rush of cold air hitting her naked body, made worse by how fucking wet she is. Goosebumps dot her thighs as Lexa kneels and puts Clarke’s legs over her shoulders, the rock serving as support for most of Clarke’s weight.  Lexa starts kissing up her inner thigh slowly.

 

“Lexa…” Clarke pants and gets no response. “Lexa…” She says again with a moan as Lexa gets closer to her center just as the wind picks up. “Lexa, dammit, fuck me right now, it’s fucking freezing,”

 

Clarke feels Lexa laugh against her skin and is about to scold her but the words are ripped right from her mouth and replaced by a moan as Lexa’s warm mouth finds her center. Lexa works quickly and expertly against her clit and when Clarke whispers more she’s afraid the wind drowns out her voice, but Lexa seems to understand what she needs. She repositions herself and Clarke feels herself fill with Lexa’s fingers, pumping and curling inside her, in time with Lexa’s mouth and tongue stroking against her clit and lips. Clarke moans again and she’s close, she’s so close, she can feel the familiar tightening of her abdomen and  then she hears Lexa speak.

 

“Mmm, that’s it Clarke. Come for me babe,” Lexa moans against her center and makes eye contact with Clarke as she puts her mouth to Clarke’s clit once more.

 

That’s all it takes to push Clarke over the edge and into unadulterated bliss. Shockwaves of pleasure roll through her and Lexa continues pumping inside her until she’s finished, slowly removing her fingers and licking them clean. Clarke could probably come all over again at the sight, though presently she’s more concerned with how cold her ass is.

 

She slides her legs off Lexa’s shoulders and pulls her pants back up, losing her balance a little in the process. Lexa holds her steady and kisses Clarke deeply, letting Clarke taste herself on her lips.

 

“That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” Lexa says. “You’re a goddess and I don’t deserve you,”

 

“You made me lightheaded,” Clarke chuckles, closing her eyes and smiling happily.

 

“Come on, we’ve still got a little ways to walk,” Lexa says and takes Clarke’s hand.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  

 

About ten minutes later Lexa is leading Clarke up an incredibly steep incline. She hands Clarke the flashlight and tells her to be careful because it’s easy to lose your footing. The hill is so steep that it causes Clarke’s thighs to burn and she pants heavily as they go on.

 

“Are you...are you trying to kill me?” Clarke puffs out between heaves of her chest.

 

“You’re almost there,” Lexa assures her. “It’ll be worth it, trust me,”

 

Clarke follows Lexa up the mountain, stepping where she steps. It get’s easier the higher they go because the rocks she’s stepping on are flat and smooth, almost like stairs and Clarke wonders if they were placed here on purpose. As the treeline recedes Lexa disappears over the ridge and Clarke follows. The view is shocking. They are standing on a rocky cliff that overlooks the entire lake and looms over the tree line. Not one thing obstructs their view.

 

The moon gleams high above them and illuminates the entire lake, casting a white glow over the rocks and bathing Clarke and Lexa in its light, but what gets Clarke are the stars. The stars, the stars are a brilliant white cluster above them and there are  _so many._ Even on the edge of Arcadia there wasn’t a place where you could see this many stars, there were too many city lights. Clarke has never seen anything like it. She’s never felt so small and insignificant before, standing on this mountain underneath millions of galaxies.

 

Lexa reaches for Clarke’s hand and Clarke isn’t sure how long she’s been standing there staring, just taking it all in. Lexa points to a huge rock and starts to climb again. Clarke thinks Lexa might possibly overestimate her athleticism, but follows suite. Lexa hops down into a dip in the boulder and Clarke realizes that the dip is perfectly smooth and large enough for two people to sit side by side. Lexa slides down against the rock and Clarke joins her. Lexa throws the blanket over them and leans close to Clarke.

 

Clarke warms herself against Lexa’s body for a few minutes, leaning her head against Lexa’s shoulder before asking, “What is this place?”

 

“My family has been coming to this lake for years, quite literally generations. The Woods clan and the Sage clan, mine and Anya’s families, they’ve been here since the dark ages basically. My father used to say that these trees were like family. In fact, there’s probably initials carved into half of them. That’s why the stone is so smooth. People have been coming to this rock and gazing out at the stars for longer than Polis has existed.”

 

Clarke listens intently to Lexa and when Lexa finishes they just sit in silence for awhile, Clarke snuggling closer to Lexa under the blanket. Lexa gently traces figure eights against the back of Clarke’s hand and around her wrist. Clarke likes just being with Lexa. It’s calm and easy and she doesn’t ever feel the need to speak just to fill the void. Clarke doesn’t do silence, but with Lexa it’s different. With Lexa everything is different. Clarke looks out over the lake and then up at the sky and she doesn’t think she’s ever been this content.

 

“What are you thinking?” Lexa asks and looks down at Clarke.

 

“Just that I’m happy. Thank you bringing me up here.” Clarke explains and Lexa bends her head down to kiss Clarke lightly. “Also, you can see delphinus perfectly from up here, pegasus too.”

 

“You know constellations but you’ve never been camping?” Lexa asks her, completely amazed.

 

“When I was a kid I was really into Greek mythology, due in large part to my obsession with Disney’s Hercules. My dad got me a telescope one year for my birthday so I could find the constellations and look up their names and learn about the mythos behind them. We’d lay out in our backyard and I’d point to them and tell my dad all about it. He was always crap at finding the constellations, but he loved the stories as much as I did. Being in the city though, it was really hard to see any stars, some nights you could barely see any. This is...this is amazing.”

 

“I’m really glad you like it.” Lexa says and she’s quiet for a few minutes before she asks, “Can I ask you something?” Clark nods her head and sits up so that she can see Lexa better. Then Lexa practically babbles out, “Earlier today...in the car with Jasper and Monty...you called me...well you said I was your girlfriend. Is that - I guess what I’m asking is that are we...are we like...together? Like...did you really mean that or were you just saying that because you wanted shotgun or was that...was that for real?”

 

“Of course you’re my girlfriend, I lov-” Clarke begins in a matter-of-fact way of speaking but then cuts off abruptly.

 

She didn’t even realize the words that were about to come out of her mouth but she can almost see them floating in the space between her and Lexa, tangible and glowing like the stars. Lexa’s eyes are wide and Clarke tries to mentally backtrack.

 

“I...um, I... fuck.” Clarke stalls, coming up with no other out and she sighs heavily.  “I love you. I really fucking love you.” Clarke admits, seeing no point in holding back now.

 

Lexa stares at Clarke for what could be a second or an hour. Time has completely stopped for Clarke as her heart thunders inside her ribcage. But then, just as Clarke thinks she might have a heart attack, Lexa speaks.

 

“I love you, too,” Lexa says softly, bringing her hand up to Clarke’s cheek and smiling softly.

  
Clarke can see tears in Lexa’s eyes and she pushes forward to close the distance between them, bringing their lips together. Clarke could kiss Lexa for the rest of her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The booty song is real and it's Big Booty Bitches by Bombs Away if you care to listen. Truly a masterpiece. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! More camping fun and fluff ahead but also angst, you've been warned.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi

Lexa feels Clarke shiver against her shoulder. They’ve been up here for hours and now they just sit in silence, nestled into a spot where Lexa spent hundreds of nights before, yet this one feels different somehow. The air smells sweeter and the stars seem brighter. The spot in the rock seems meant just for them. All of her childhood memories combined couldn’t beat the feeling she has in her chest right now, that everything is just as it should be. She doesn’t think she’s ever been happier and more content. 

Lexa gently nudges Clarke and blonde locks to tickle Lexa’s cheek as Clarke lifts her head. Clarke’s crystal blue eyes look up at her curiously.

“Let’s head back,” Lexa tells her softly. “Before they send a search party.”

Clarke nods and smiles sleepily. Lexa stands and throws the blanket over her shoulder before reaching a hand out to Clarke. Clarke takes it but just as her fingers begin to curl around Clarke’s palm Lexa feels it again, the all-too-familiar sensation that her hand no longer belongs to her. Her muscles start spasm like a demon has possessed them. They pulse and flutter as if her fingers were the wings of a bird taking flight. It always starts with small vibration, a twitch in her wrist that steadily grows into tremor that jostles her entire hand back and forth. Then a splintering sensation migrates from her elbow into her thumb. Needles stab each nerve ever so slightly as they move from knuckle to knuckle until all five fingers are encased in a fiery glove of pain within seconds. All this Lexa is used to, she can work through that pain. It’s familiar and she knows it will pass, knows that clenching and unclenching her fist will make the burning cool and the shaking to slow. She pretends not to notice, she’s practiced in that art, and pulls Clarke up, but Lexa isn’t prepared when her fingers contract violently and painfully as Clarke stands and Lexa is unable to keep hold of her and Clarke stumbles at being released too early.

 

The pain is nothing like Lexa has ever felt before she clutches her hand with her other. She can’t even bend her fingers, they are frozen in a rigormortis-like state. It’s like every muscle is being pulled back to it’s breaking point. It feels like someone is simultaneous bending all her fingers backwards and they are seconds from snapping. Lexa is helpless to stop the groan that escapes from her lips. She holds her breath and after a few beats her muscles relax and the pain ebbs. Her fingers belong to her again, but just slightly. 

“What’s wrong?!” Clarke rushes up to her. 

“Nothing,” Lexa says sucking in a deep breath. Clarke looks back at her with worried eyes. “It’s nothing. Really babe, I promise. I just had a splinter, but I got it out. See?” Lexa says and flashes her hands at Clarke. 

“A splinter? God, you sounded like someone stabbed you!” Clarke shoves Lexa’s shoulder. “Are you really that big of a baby?”

Lexa smiles a little, glad that her girlfriend seems to believe her. 

“Jeez, if you’re this dramatic for a splinter I’m dreading the day you’re sick with a cold and I have to take care of you,” Clarke smiles and rolls her eyes. 

“You’ll take care of me?” Lexa asks and slides her arms inside Clarke’s open jacket around her waist, the heat from her body feeling like heaven against her still aching hand. 

“That depends, are you going to be a big baby?” Clarke teases.

“The biggest,” Lexa responds with a wide grin.

Clarke rolls her eyes before saying, “Well, I suppose someone has to do it and it sure as hell isn’t going to be Raven.”

Lexa laughs a little but can’t help but find herself distracted by the pain in her hand, which has dulled to a low throbbing. She clenches her fingers into a fist and out again, focusing on her breathing and looking over Clarke’s shoulder. 

“Hello? Lexa? Where did you go?” Clarke asks and waves her hand in front of Lexa’s face. 

“Sorry, I thought I saw something,” Lexa says shaking her head. 

“Saw what?” Clarke asks, her voice suddenly high and etched with panic. “A bear? Did you see a bear?”

Lexa laughs, her mind temporarily distracted by the adorable look of fear on Clarke’s face. Clarke is maybe not as brave as Lexa thought. 

“No, there isn’t a bear.” She laughs and kisses Clarke’s forehead. 

“Promise?” Clarke asks seriously. “I don’t want to get mauled by a bear on my first camping trip ever,”

“I promise I won’t let you get mauled by a bear.”

Clarke seems appeased and her hands travel upward, tangling themselves in the hair at the base of Lexa’s neck, sending goosebumps down her spine. Clarke kisses Lexa and almost makes Lexa forget about the battle raging inside her fist. She focuses on the softness of Clarke’s lips and how good she tastes against her tongue and the smell of peonies and roses that breaks through the crisp scent of pine trees around them.

She pulls back from Clarke, who pouts slightly. Lexa chuckles lightly and leans her forehead against Clarke’s. 

“Have I ever mentioned that I love you?” Lexa whispers. 

“Exactly once,” Clarke answers with a grin. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

They arrive to whoops and hollers from the group who seem to be collectively drunk. Lincoln and Anya are cuddling next to the fire with a bottle of whiskey between them and Raven and Anya are in a heated match of beer pong with Jasper and Monty. Jasper and Monty take a special moment out of their game to make obscene gestures and Clarke and Lexa. 

“How are you guys still playing that?” Lexa asks.

“These drunk fools have freakishly good rebuttal skills. We’ve nearly won three times but they’ve sank the rebuttal shot each time! It’s bullshit!” Raven shouts from the table.

Lexa settles down into an inflatable camping lounge. Clarke plops down on top of her and Lexa let’s out an ‘oof’ as she nearly gets the air knocked out of her lungs. Clarke throws the blanket over them and nestles her head onto Lexa’s chest. Lexa doesn’t have the heart to tell her girlfriend these things are only made for one person. She decides If it pops the cuddles were worth it. 

“Don’t worry, we will still crush them!” Anya tells Raven very seriously, but with a slight slur that let’s Lexa know Anya’s far from sober.

 

Lexa notices then that Anya slides her hand against the small of Raven’s back as she speaks to her and Anya even smiles back when Raven flashes a grin at her. Anya doesn’t smile. As the game continues she notes all the times the two of them touch and it seems to be more purposeful than accidental. They hug each other when they make a good shot. They smile at each other and bump shoulders and touch each others arms and rubs each others backs and it might be in Lexa’s head but it all seems a little more than friendly. And then there’s that time she swears to God Anya was checking out Raven’s ass during her shot. 

Octavia seems to notice Lexa’s distraction and asks where her head is at. 

Lexa nods her head towards their friends. “Do you see what I see?”

“I was just going to say that!” Clarke interjects. “What’s that all about?”

Octavia turns her head and looks over at Raven and Anya who have just sunk another cup. They high five and Raven wraps her arms around Anya’s middle. 

“Oh them? They’re totally fucking,” Octavia says bluntly.

“What!?” Lexa blurts out. 

“O!” Lincoln scolds and shakes his head. 

“What? It’s not like I’ve been sworn to secrecy or anything,” Octavia tells Lincoln. “And I’m an honest drunk,” she says as she toasts the bottle before taking a swig and handing it to Lexa. 

“I don’t understand...when did they? How did they? How do you know?” 

“I don’t know when or why I just know that they’ve done it in Anya’s office.”

Lincoln puts his head in his hands and shakes his head again. Lexa nearly chokes on her whiskey and Clarke laughs. Her eyes glimmer in delight and she turns to Octavia, thirsty for more answers. 

“You saw them?!” 

“Heard them, but yeah.” Octavia shudders as if the memory is jarring. “Anyway, ever since Raven has been coming to the gym they’ve been super flirty and honestly I called it after like day two. I’m not surprised you two didn’t notice, whenever you do manage to make it out into the real world you only have eyes for each other.”

Lexa feels a little offended at first but realizes that is probably true. Her and Clarke have been spending so much time together that she probably wouldn’t have noticed if part of a space station fell from the sky and crash landed on her patio. 

“But didn’t Raven sleep with Bellamy?” Clarke asks. 

“Oh yeah, she did, but Bell’s all about keeping it casual. He’s not really a relationship kind of guy and I’m sure Raven knew what she was doing that night. She won the pot, was feeling pretty good and she probably just wanted to get laid.” 

Lincoln laughs at that and nods as if he agrees. Lexa looks over at Raven as she intently lines up her shot. Jasper and Monty are both extremely drunk and they look like they could fall over at any time. Lexa wonders why Anya didn’t say anything to her. Anya’s always been a private person but Lexa thought she would let her know about this. 

There’s a chorus of boos and groans as well as cheers and hollers as Raven and Anya sink the final cup of the night, Anya lifting Raven in the air and twirling her even. Anya is definitely looking at Raven with a look of lust. 

“Ooh, she thirsty,” Clarke mumbles, half asleep, but not so unconscious that she can’t comment on the obvious. 

Lexa laughs and whispers that they should go to bed. Clarke trots off to the tent and Lexa puts the fire out, not trusting any of the drunken campmates to do it correctly. When she enters their tent Clarke is happily curled into a burrito under their sleeping bag. Lexa takes off her shirt and pants and slides underneath, cold from the chilly night air. Clarke snuggles in close to her and kisses her jawline. 

“Your feet are cold,” Clarke says sleepily. 

Lexa doesn’t answer, her thoughts are a million miles away. She’s used to her tremors, she knows the signs, knows how to deal with them when they happen and they don’t really happen often.

Except for the fact that she’s already had three today.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for this chapter: depictions of war, ptsd, flashbacks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was editing this chapter my brain malfunctioned and I couldn't come up with any synonym's for the word green to describe Lexa's eyes, so I asked my wife and you know what her suggestion was? 
> 
> LEAFY. Lexa's leafy green eyes. 
> 
> But still, I should still thank her for looking over this chapter. Follow her on tumblr @dontcha-wanheda, she reblogs lots of gay things and lots of clexa things. Sorry it took me so long to post. Honestly just keep commenting and bugging me and eventually the guilt will always force me to update.

_“Woods, flank left. Harper watch her six. Wells will follow. I will flank right with Monroe, Murphy’s got our back.”_

_The building is musty and dust floats upward with each footstep Lexa takes. The particles glint in the streams of light that filter in through shuttered windows and cracks in the walls. Lexa takes careful steps as she turns down a hallway, gun held in front of her. She comes up to a doorway, pushes her back against the wall, signals her team to wait. She pushes the door open, quickly rounds the corner with her weapon raised, clocking each corner of the room as she pushes forward. It’s quiet and she can hear the crunch of dirt under her boots. There’s blankets on the floor in the corner near some wooden tables and chairs. An area that looks like it’s been slept in recently. She hears a muffled cough to her right and turns sharply, her gun at the ready, a red laser sight emanating from it. The red beam comes to rest against two shaking masses, huddled under a table. Lexa switches her sight back and forth, registering. Two children. A young boy. A girl, not much older. Both clinging to each other tightly. They look at her with fear, the little boy with tears silently streaming down his cheek as her red dot of her gun moves from one chest to the other. Lexa instantly lowers her weapon and puts her hands up in the air to show them she doesn’t mean any harm. She tells them it’s okay when suddenly a volley of gunfire breaks out from somewhere behind her._ _Distantly, she hears her sergeant yell, “Down, down, down!”_

_“Woods, get to cover!” Harper shouts over the din of gunfire, backing further into the room. "Fall back!” Harper crouches against a wall by the doorway, letting off rounds into the hallway behind them. Lexa pauses for the briefest of seconds before grabbing the table in front of her and flipping it over to cover the children. She makes eye contact with them and puts a finger over her mouth. More gunfire. Harper yells again. The little boy is afraid, he gets up, runs for the door. Lexa shouts, steps in front of him. A sharp pain pierces her gut._

She wakes up gasping for air and clutching her stomach.

The sudden sound and movement wakes Clarke with a jolt and she shouts out, “What?! What’s happening? What’s wrong?”

Lexa blinks into the darkness for a few seconds, focusing on her breathing and willing her body to stop shaking. “I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I’m sorry. Just a dream.”

“Not a good one, from the sound of it.” Clarke sits up and clicks on a little camping lantern they had brought, illuminating the tent with a little fluorescent glow. She rubs sleep from her eyes and looks over at Lexa. “Are you sure you’re okay? What were you dreaming about?”

Clarke reaches her hand up to rub Lexa’s back and Lexa flinches at the touch. Clarke’s hand pauses at her shoulder. She looks at Lexa with concern, searching for an explanation and Lexa can feel when Clarke’s gaze drifts down to where her own arm is still protectively covering her stomach. She should move it. She should relax and tell Clarke it’s nothing, but her own arm seems to be frozen stiff. She swears she can’t even feel it. She can’t feel anything. Clarke stares for a long time, seemingly unsure of what to do or say next. Very slowly, she wraps one arm around Lexa’s waist, pausing to make sure the touch is okay before cautiously pulling her closer. With her other she trails her fingers down Lexa’s forearm and over her knuckles. She entwines her fingers with Lexa’s, making sure to keep a firm hold over Lexa’s middle, hugging her from the side. With their bodies closer Clarke kisses the skin of Lexa’s shoulder. Her lips are warm and Lexa closes her eyes at the feeling.

“Do you have those dreams often?”

Lexa isn’t sure how to answer. She’s not sure if she can answer, not sure if she can even speak. Her throat burns from holding back tears. Clarke doesn’t push her. The two of them sit in silence, Lexa wrapped in Clarke’s arms. After what seems like hours, Lexa’s breathing returns to normal and her body finally relaxes and the two of them slide back down into their sleeping bag. Clarke keeps a firm grasp over Lexa’s stomach while she murmurs quietly into Lexa’s ear.

“It’s okay. You’re okay. It’s okay. You’re okay. I’m here. I love you. I’m here.” Clarke's voice is a low reassuring repetition that lulls Lexa back to sleep.

 

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She’s cold. Like, really fucking cold. Clarke isn’t sure what time it is but she can’t seem to feel her toes anymore and there’s no way she can fall back to sleep now. She sits up and finds that she’s alone in her tent and an overwhelming panic fills her as she remembers what happened just a few hours previously. She pushes out of the sleeping bag, frantically pulling on pants, a hoodie and her beanie. She crawls to the front of the tent and struggles to unzip the flap and put boots on at the same time.

“Lexa?” She calls as she pops her head out and hops awkwardly out of the tent with only one shoe on.

She regains her balance and pulls her second boot on, glancing around the campsite and trying to force her eyes to adjust to the almost-darkness. It’s quite early, not even sunrise by the looks of it. None of the other’s are awake which doesn’t surprise Clarke. Her formally drunk friends will probably sleep most of the morning away until the sun makes their tents so hot they’ll be forced out of their little ovens whether they like it or not. It’s drizzling slightly, if you can even call it that. More like a mist, the afterthought of rain that must have come overnight, and carried on remaining gusts of wind. Clarke can see her breath and hugs her arms to her chest as she searches the ground for her girlfriend, coming up empty.

“Fuck.” Clarke whispers to herself in the greyish blue of the morning. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

It’s not like Lexa would have left, Clarke knows that. She knows that Lexa is around here somewhere. She’s not worried about that. It’s more that she knows Lexa is going through something and she’s doing it _alone_. Clarke had never seen anyone, let alone Lexa, look so traumatized before last night. Clarke can’t even begin to imagine the pain Lexa’s been through, both physically and mentally. Lexa hasn’t spoken to her about her time overseas. She’s never discussed her injury, her tremor - any of it - since that night at Bellamy’s. Clarke saw then what the others couldn’t. The almost imperceptible grind of Lexa’s jaw before she spoke, the way she stared at the wall instead of anyone in the room, the slow, but deep breath she took in before she explained that she had been shot and the thick swallow afterwards. She saw the distant look in Lexa’s normally bright eyes, a look that told Clarke if she jumped into that pool of emerald green she’d be thousands of miles away from there. Clarke could never pretend to know what Lexa’s experienced, but she knows that Lexa shouldn’t have to deal with it alone. She knows that Lexa wants to hide this side of her from the people she loves in an effort to protect them and that means Lexa will suffer in silence. Clarke will absolutely have none of that.

Her eyes wander to shoreline of the lake and settle on a dark figure perched atop a large boulder, legs dangling. Relief covers Clarke like a warm blanket. She lets out the breath she didn’t know she was holding and walks down the gravelly path.

_Of course. Of course she is_. Clarke thinks as she gets closer to Lexa. She’s sitting on a boulder. The largest boulder, within a big cluster of other variously sized boulders...in the middle of the fucking lake. Well, not the middle. It’s really no more than twenty feet off the shoreline, but it looks fucking impossible to get to without stepping into the frigid water. Lexa doesn’t look even remotely wet and Clarke knows that she somehow effortlessly traversed this god damn death trap in order to get to her current location. She looks up as Lexa stares at the trees and the mountains and the water and Clarke wonders if she’s really even seeing them at all. The sky is just beginning to lighten and a short breeze creates ripples of waves that lap at the rocks and the wind reminds Clarke that it’s raining, if ever so slightly.

Clarke continues around the bend of the shoreline to where the rocks begin to venture from the security of land into the uneasy water of the lake. Clarke ponders as she looks out ahead of her. What would Lexa do? She plots her course in her head as best she can, taking a step forward and then stalling, cursing under her breath that she ever started to date someone so athletically gifted and agile. _Anything for love_ , she thinks. With false bravado she finally places a foot on the smallest of boulders and begins to jump, cursing as she goes. The beginning is easier than she thought it would be as she leaps from rock to rock. She opts for dry ones rather than wet, not trusting her footing on the slick surface. Her false bravado quickly turns into actual confidence and she makes her way much quicker than she thought she would, but three quarters of the way there she runs into a problem. She’s on what she would call a medium sized rock but suddenly all boulders of similar size are gone and she’s surrounded by much, much smaller ones. How the fuck is she supposed to get down to those? She knows. She knows how. She’s got to lower herself down.

She briefly considers that this particular rock would actually make a really nice home and she could just live out her days peacefully here without ever having to leave. Yeah, she likes this boulder. This is a nice boulder. She’s not really sure she’s into this whole “nature” and “camping” thing anymore. _Anything for love_ , she reminds herself, almost forcefully. She glances at the sides of the boulder and the small ones that surround it, looking for footholds that she could grab onto. She decides to bite the bullet and lays down to begin her decent. It’s not graceful. The small rock she’s aiming for seems a lot farther away than she thought and she has to stretch her legs multiple times to reach it. Miraculously, she manages and now she’s crouched, frog-like, on a rock no bigger than her own two feet. She glances ahead of her. Oh, fuck me. The next rock is just as small and so far away. This will take precision, skill, agility. Which Clarke has in spades, obviously. _Anything for love,_ she thinks again. She’s so close now, only a couple more jumps to Lexa. She moves her neck back and forth like she’s cracking it, even though she’s never been able to do that. It just psych’s her up. She takes a couple rapid-fire deep breaths, shimmies her shoulders and wiggles her butt a bit to get momentum going, channels her inner frog and leaps. She makes it. She actually makes it, but this stupid rock is a little wet and the treads of her made-for-fashion-not-for-actual-camping boot slips immediately into the icy cold water.

“AW, FUCK!” She screams when the chill hits her skin.

The sudden expletive-based shout is enough to break Lexa from her trance and she startles. She turns around with wide, confused eyes and a furrowed brow, searching for the sound. Clarke is crouched on all fours, sticking her leg straight out behind her and shaking water from her boot furiously (kind of like a dog when they wear booties for the first time) when she hears Lexa giggle and glares up at her.

“Really? _That_ boulder? You had to pick _that_ boulder?” Lexa grins but just shrugs her shoulders. Clarke melts at the sight of Lexa’s smile and forgets momentarily that she just dunked her foot in the lake. Seeing Lexa smile is all the motivation she needs to make the last few jumps to the large boulder. She stands in front of it now, feeling Lexa stare down at her. Clarke surprises even herself when she easily finds all the footholds she needs and pulls her body up to the top of the boulder, using the one next to it to propel herself up like a goddamn ninja.

“I’m impressed.” Lexa states, smiling proudly.

“All that rock climbing at the gym really paid off. I’m basically a pro now.” Clarke says, dusting off her hands and shrugging like it’s no big deal. She can feel the sogginess of her sock squish inside her boot.

“Basically.” Lexa chuckles, her smile growing even brighter. “Join me?” She asks, pointing to the edge where she was sitting.

“Well, I didn’t cross devil’s peak just to say hi and then leave.”

Lexa smirks and motions toward the spot as if to say “after you”. Clarke sits down carefully and pulls her boot off, setting it behind her, before peeling off her sock and ringing it out. She can almost feel Lexa struggling to keep her laughter in.

“Don’t even” Clarke warns and shoots her a glare.

This seems to push Lexa over the edge because she lets her laughter go for longer than Clarke feels is necessary.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. You did really good babe, look how far you made it before you...wet your match.”

Clarke rolls her eyes and flicks a water from her sock at Lexa who shrinks away from it.

“Whoa, whoa wet’s not lose our treads.”

Clarke rolls her eyes so far back into her head she can see the campsite behind them.

“Those are weak and you know it.”

“Yeah, not my best work, but it’s early.” Lexa shrugs. 

Clarke sticks out her tongue out and finishes ringing out her sock, making a show of turning her back to Lexa before she drips the water over the edge of the rock.

“Oh c’mon,” Lexa says. “Don’t give me the cold boulder.”

Clarke turns around to see Lexa grinning like an idiot. A goddamn fucking lovable idiot. Also, fuck, she looks so pretty right now, with cheeks just a little rosy from the cold. Her hair is pulled back into a single braid and she’s wearing black joggers and an oversized hoodie. Clarke thinks Lexa could even pull off wearing a trash bag.

“You’re lucky I love you for your bouldering good looks and not your puns,” Clarke smirks.

Lexa’s eyes light up and Clarke has a sneaky suspicion that Lexa has never loved her more than at this moment. Lexa can’t seem to help herself as she leans forward and captures Clarke’s lips in hers, the coldness of them catching Clarke off guard. It’s a soft, slow kiss. A loving kiss. When Lexa pulls away her cold nose grazes over Clarke’s and the flutter in her stomach reminds her how much she fucking loves when Lexa does that. Clarke puts her, somewhat-less-soggy sock back on her foot and scoots closer, looping her arm through Lexas. The drizzle has stopped and the air feels warmer already even though the sun still hasn’t really made an appearance. The sky is lighter than when she started her journey but it’s still tinged with leftover grey of the night.

After several minutes Clarke grows impatient and sighs loudly. “Now what?” Clarke asks.

“And now we sit.”

“But-”

“In silence.” Lexa adds..

“Why?”

“You’re not doing a great job at the silence part so far.”

“It’s like you literally don’t know me at all,” Clarke says incredulously.

Lexa grins but just looks back out at the water. Clarke huffs but snuggles closer into Lexa’s side and leans her head on her shoulder. It really is pretty here, she thinks as she looks out at the trees and the mountaintop. Clarke can tell that this is Lexa’s little piece of paradise. You can just shut off here, flip a switch and forget about everything. It’s...peaceful and Lexa deserves all the peace she can get. It only takes a few more minutes before Clarke really understands why Lexa’s awake at such an ungodly hour, why she’s perched on a boulder in the middle of a lake, why she’s so intent on doing nothing. She’s been waiting for this. She’s been waiting for mother nature herself to shine through those trees across the lake.

It all happens so quickly, like Michelangelo was commissioned to paint the sky in thirty seconds or less. All of a sudden the bottom of the sky turns to a burning orange and bright red that pushes against the grey-blue of the night, mixing together to paint part of the sky with purples and pinks. The clouds in the sky ripple with amber and crimson waves and the lake, it’s waters now still, reflect it back in a perfect mirror image and Clarke is damn sure she’s never seen a sunrise like this in her life.

“Holy shit,” she breathes.

Lexa smiles softly. “This boulder has the best view of the sunrise, besides the place I showed you last night. I didn’t want to wake you up. I wanted to let you sleep because of...because I woke you last night, but I’m glad that you got to see it.”

“Me too,” Clarke says and offers a smile to Lexa. “Although the only reason I woke up at this hour is because you took all your body heat out of the tent and left me to freeze to death.” Lexa chuckles and apologizes.

“You know, it’s okay. That you woke me last night.” Clarke says after a moment. “You can wake me up anytime you need to. Do you... want to tell me about it?”

Lexa looks down at her lap eventually taking her hand out of her pocket and lacing her fingers with Clarke’s. She stares at their hands for a long time, seemingly unsure of whether she wants to speak or not.

“There were kids there... I dream about them sometimes.” Lexa starts but says nothing else. Clarke just nods, unsure if Lexa is going to continue. “They were in the building where I got... We were looking for them, that’s why we were there. A scout had reported seeing children in the village. It had been bombed, mostly abandoned and only a few buildings still standing. Al Qaeda, they take the orphans. They take the boys and give them guns and make them do terrible things and beat them or torture them if they don’t comply. And the girls…” Lexa shakes her head at that, unable to voice it. “I pushed for us to go look for them. I pushed for it. When I found them, they were so scared. I’ll never forget their faces.” She looks up and out at the lake, her eyes thousands of miles away again. It’s several minutes before she speaks again. “They saw us go in, there were only three of them, but they followed us into the building. We called them reapers. I think they were hiding out, you know? Just waiting, because they knew, they knew that we would go after the kids. Killed two of us before we knew they were there. No guns at first, just knives. It was silent. They got Wells and Murphy that way. My sergeant finally clocked them and that’s when the gunfire started. I tried to hide the kids. I put a table in front of them. That’s all I had. The shooting spooked the little boy. He ran right towards it. Right toward the door. He was so little, so quick. I barely had time to...I tried to stop him. Ran in front of him and then I...then I got hit.”

Clarke is silent as she takes it in. She’s not sure how to help Lexa in this moment and she feels powerless. There’s a pain in her eyes that Clarke knows will only go away with time but she wishes with all her might that she could bear it instead.

“What happened to them?”

“The um…the boy,” Lexa sniffs and wipes her nose, shaking her head back and forth to say words she can’t. “The little girl got hit with a ricochet, but survived. They took her to a nearby orphanage. I was sent home so I don’t know much more than that.” Clarke squeezes Lexa’s hand. “If you hadn’t done what you did she might not have made it out, you saved her, you have to know that.”

Lexa looks down, swallows thickly. “When I got back I used to have that dream almost every night. I didn’t think I could ever sleep again. Didn’t think I could ever look at a kid again without seeing their faces. It was hard enough adjusting to being back without the dreams. Then Anya practically forced me to start teaching classes at the gym and you know, slowly, I started to get pieces of my life back. I started to get used to being a civilian again. I got used to having some normalcy in my life. Dreams still came but less and less frequently. Then I met you and they practically stopped altogether. You made me feel like I could really move on. You gave me hope. I thought I was over it. I really thought that I had finally moved past it, but I guess not. I just... never wanted you to worry. I didn’t want to scare or frighten you. I know this kind of thing is a lot to handle and I don’t want you to be a burden to you. I don’t want you to feel obligated to stay and help me deal with this stuff. It’s my past, my issues, my problems. I don’t want to put that on your shoulders.”

Lexa pauses and Clarke just shakes her head in disbelief. She can’t believe this is what Lexa has been feeling, can’t think for even a second that Lexa would ever be a burden to her. She’s about interject, about to tell Lexa she’s crazy when Lexa speaks again.

“I’m...I’m sorry I put you through that last night. I’m sure it was confusing and maybe even scary for you, to see me like that. I’m sorry I never warned you that things like that might happen, but...thank you, for helping me through it.” Lexa looks up at her with a eyes full of shame and doubt and regret.

“Hey,” Clarke says softly holding Lexa’s gaze so she knows she’s serious. She puts her hand to Lexa’s cheek and rubs her thumb gently across. “You do not have to apologize for that. Okay? What you went through isn’t going to go away quickly, if ever. You have to give it time, but you don’t have to do it alone. I will never think you are a burden. I’ll stay right here. I’m not going anywhere. You can tell me as much or as little as you want, on your terms, when you’re ready. But don’t ever feel like you need to hide anything from me just because you think I’ll worry too much or you’ll scare me away. That’s not me. Okay? I love you. So fucking much. And I’ll be here. You don’t have to keep it to yourself to protect me. Promise me you won’t, Lexa. You’ve got to trust me. I can handle it.”

Lexa holds her gaze for a long time and Clarke wishes she could read her thoughts because there’s so much happening within those viridescent eyes. It’s too hard to know what Lexa’s feeling. It’s too hard to know what she has to say to make Lexa believe her. She just hopes what she’s said is enough.

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Lexa swallows. “I do trust you, Clarke.”

“Promise me you won’t keep things from me just to protect me.”

Lexa swallows again. This is hard, harder than she thought it would be. She meant everything she said. She’s afraid that Clarke doesn’t know what she’s asking. Lexa doesn’t want Clarke to worry about her. She doesn’t want to be the source of any stress in Clarke’s life. Lexa has always been the type of person to handle her own problems and fight her own battles. Letting someone in is a foreign concept to her. But maybe that’s truly what she’s afraid of. Maybe she hasn’t really been facing her demons at all. Maybe she’s just been content to keep them at arms length instead of really dealing with them and Clarke asking permission to help means she finally has to acknowledge that they are even there. Maybe she wants Clarke to continue seeing her as perfect when the reality is she’s probably a little broken. Maybe she’s not ready to admit that. Maybe she’s not really protecting Clarke at all. Maybe she’s actually protecting herself.

But she knows that Clarke being there last night made her feel safe. It made her feel anchored and steady. She also knows that, before Clarke, she never would have been able to go back to sleep after a dream like that, but listening to Clarke’s words in her ear made her body relax and the fear ease away. She knows that Clarke makes her calm in a way she’s never felt before and she thinks Clarke is stronger than some would think. It’s terrifying, but Lexa knows that letting Clarke in will be good for her, no matter how hard it might be.

“I promise.” Lexa breathes out.

Clarke offers her a small smile and rubs her thumb over Lexa’s knuckles. Lexa looks down at her hand, with fingers that are firmly wrapped in between Clarke’s, and thinks back to the tremors she’s had. She kept them from Clarke so she wouldn’t worry. She didn’t want Clarke’s first camping trip to be tainted with anything negative. A ping of guilt hits her chest and she decides to tell Clarke what’s been happening.

“Clarke I-”

“Want to get off this rock and cook your girlfriend breakfast? Absolutely, that sounds like an excellent idea.” Lexa glances up at Clarke who has a smirk on her face and she smiles back. She thinks that maybe that’s enough for now. She resolves to tell her later, that this was enough for today.

Clarke stands in all her bootless glory and puts her hands on her hips.

“Now - the sun has risen, I'm hungry, my foot is frozen and I haven't had any coffee yet. All of which are your fault. So, if you’ll please navigate me through this rocky deathtrap and begin a course of action to fix these issues that would be much appreciated.”

Lexa chuckles. “You mean you don’t know how to get back?”

Clarke narrows her eyes and points are her wet sock. “I’m hoping your route doesn’t involve anymore close calls like this.”

“Nope, much easier.” Lexa winks.

She can’t seem to help the shit eating grin that spreads onto her face and Clarke immediately looks suspicious. Still, she bends down, yanks her boot back on and waits for Lexa to lead the way. The boulder they are on is really quite large and it backs up to another one nearly the same size. Lexa walks to the furthest point of the boulder and steps over the gap to the one behind it. Clarke follows and Lexa is still grinning and she can tell it’s making Clarke wary.

“Down here,” Lexa says and makes a quick hop off the side of the second boulder, disappearing from Clarke’s line of sight. She waits.

“Oh, you’ve got to be shitting me! Alexandria Woods are fucking kidding me right now?”

There it is. Lexa bursts out into laughter, sides splitting. She doubles over and even slaps her knee. This is just too good. Her cackles echo against the rocks around her and she can’t help herself, because Clarke is peeking over the side of the boulder, looking down at Lexa as she stands on a smooth, flat rock and in front of that rock is the canoe that she took to get here. You just can’t make this shit up.

“You had a fucking boat?!” “Yes, but, to be fair, I didn’t know you were coming. If I had, I definitely would have mentioned the boat.” “You’re telling me that I crossed the fucking Himalayas, risking life and limb and sock, and this whole time you didn't think to freakin' mention that you had a boat??”

Lexa is trying to hold back her laughter, she really is, but the look on Clarke’s face is priceless.

“Don’t laugh! I probably have frostbite!” Clarke huffs, hands in the air.

“Oh yeah, totally babe,” Lexa chokes out in between bursts of laughter. “Frostbite. In August.” She wipes a tear from her eye and regains her composure. “You know, in all seriousness I’m very impressed that you made it all the way out here that way. It’s pretty attractive, honestly.”

Clarke hops down finally and lands in front of Lexa, still pouting but a little less hot headed after the compliment and a little more full of herself. “I’m surprised you didn’t already know I was a badass, I don’t try to hide it.” She says and shrugs her shoulders nonchalantly.

“Mmm, you are pretty special.” Lexa replies, gently grabbing Clarke’s hoodie and pulling her closer.

She grins because for a second Clarke forgets that she’s supposed to be upset and overconfident and starts to lean in to Lexa. After a second her brow furrows and shakes her head slightly as if to remind herself of her mood and returns to pouting. Lexa chuckles and kisses her cheek instead. And then the other, trailing her nose across Clarke’s as she makes the journey. She kisses the tip of Clarke’s nose after and then kisses edge of Clarke’s mouth and then kisses other side and then her chin and by the time Lexa moves to her lips Clarke has forgiven her and is instantly kissing her back, pushing their bodies against the boulder behind them. Their kiss is long and slow and just deep enough that Lexa’s heart beats faster and her cheeks get hot and she starts to wish they weren’t standing on a rock in the middle of a lake. God, she really does love this girl.

Clarke’s entry into the canoe is not very dignified or lady-like and is accompanied by lots of cursing, none of which surprises Lexa in the least. At one point Lexa can swear she can read Clarke’s thoughts, thinking that it might have been easier to go back the way she came. Eventually, with an unsteady effort, Clarke is safely in the canoe and Lexa steps inside. Lexa rows them to shore quickly and with ease, Clarke’s arms folded in front of her with indignation the entire time. Lexa can’t help but smirk. She’s really cute when she’s grumpy.

She waves to Lincoln as she drags the canoe up the bank. He’s crouched over the fire pit trying to coax new flames up.

“Did you catch the sunrise? Pretty incredible right?” He greets as they get closer.

“It was so great that Clarke wet herself,” Lexa explains with a laugh.

Clarke almost instantly flips Lexa off with both hands behind her back while she trudges up the hill to their tent to switch boots, muttering something about ‘the fucking Appalachians’ and ‘rocks are stupid’. Lexa thinks she might also hear something akin to ‘good thing I’m a fucking ninja’. Lincoln just looks at Lexa with confusion and she mouths, ‘I’ll tell you later’.

She grabs her percolator and her tin of coffee grounds from their supplies, preparing a nice strong pot so Clarke can’t stay too bitter about the boat situation. She sets it on the metal grate over the fire and takes a seat on a tree stump nearby, waiting for it to brew. Lincoln fishes out a pan and starts making breakfast. Slowly members of their crew start to filter out of their tents.

Anya and Raven are the first to emerge, Raven looking sleep-deprived and grumpy, carrying a blanket over her shoulders. Anya looks oddly pleased with herself and Lexa shakes away any explanations for why that start to pop into her head.

“Not sure I’m digging this whole camping thing,” Raven grumbles and pulls the red blanket tighter around her shoulder. “I slept like shit last night. I knew I should have brought my memory foam mattress topper.” Lexa catches Anya roll her eyes but the corners of her mouth flick upward into a smile. She’s surprised she didn’t pick up on this thing between them before. Whatever it might be. Anya looks happy and despite Raven’s current sour expression Lexa has noticed a subtle change in her too.

Octavia is the next to appear and comes to snuggle into Lincoln’s side as he flips pancakes. Pretty soon he’s got eggs, bacon, and flapjacks laid out for everyone on the picnic table.

“Breakfast!” He booms and that gets Monty and Jasper's attention, who stumble out of their tent with mussed hair and hungover eyes, mumbling incoherently.

As her friends gather around the table, fighting over the thickest strips of bacon or the fluffiest pancakes, Lexa wonders where Clarke is. Poking her head into their tent she finds Clarke, burritoed in their sleeping bag, fast asleep. She laughs quietly to herself before stepping inside and snuggling in next to her girlfriend. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't know much about war or the marines or why we are even overseas still? So this is not at all accurately depicted. If anyone has issues with how it was represented let me know and I'll gladly make it more accurate.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Lots of Raven in this chapter. I'm going to try and post once a month because apparently people do that and I'm trying to be better about finishing things I start. I also think I might write some one-shots or short multi-chapter fics for Clexa week next week so if you like my writing style keep an eye out for those!

Lexa wishes she could hold Clarke forever. There’s something so comforting about being pressed up against her - the smell of her hair, the warmth of her shoulders, the soft, shallow breaths she takes as she sleeps and the way that she sometimes squeezes Lexa’s hand tighter around her middle, even while she’s unconscious. Lexa’s stomach growls but she can stave off hunger for a few more minutes if it means more time cuddling with her girlfriend. The girlfriend that loves her and trusts her and wants to protect her and be there for her. The girlfriend that wants to see all of Lexa, even the parts that Lexa keeps hidden. This is all new ground for Lexa, but despite how shocking it might be that Clarke so easily broke into Lexa’s heart, she’s enjoying every second of it. 

 

“Hey! Lovebirds! Stop fucking and come eat some breakfast!” Raven shouts as she shakes their tent violently. 

 

Clarke grumbles something angry and incoherent from under the sleeping bag and before Lexa can respond Raven is unzipping the tent flap and fumbling inside with a plate of pancakes. 

 

“Hope y’all are decent under there!” She says before falling heavily on top of both of them. 

 

“Reyes, you’re crushing me.” Lexa huffs and tries to squirm free, but Raven has her pinned and her arms are trapped firmly to her sides because of the zipped sleeping bag. 

 

“It’s all that muscle you forced me to build. I’m rock solid now. You have only yourself to blame.” Raven says while wiggling her butt to further sink into the space between Clarke and Lexa. “Anyway, I was sent to collect you.”

 

“Why?” Lexa asks as she watches Raven prop her back against Clarke and swing her legs around so that they are draped over Lexa’s body like a makeshift lounger. She puts the plate of pancakes on her lap and begins cutting them up and shoving too-large chunks into her mouth without dignity. 

 

“I don’t know, it’s very top secret. Very hush-hush. I don’t have the clearance apparently.” She says with a wad of pancakes in her cheek, spitting bits onto Lexa’s face and she’s powerless to stop it. “Anya and Lincoln are in cahoots about it though. They have a plan. A mission. They won’t tell anyone anything. They won’t crack. I know, I’ve tried. Both are rock solid vaults of information. All I know is we have to hike somewhere, which sounds pretty gross and exercise-y, but they promised me booze at the end of the trail as a reward.”

 

“You know if you get drunk at the end of the hike you still have to walk back right? No one is going to carry your drunk ass back to camp.” Clarke’s voice sounds muffled from behind Raven’s back.    
  


“We’ll see about that Clarkey! Now up and at ‘em!” Raven twists around and slaps Clarke’s ass with one free hand, the other holding her mostly devoured plate of pancakes. Clarke groans in response and Raven smirks. She turns her attention back to the pancakes, cuts another bite off and hovers the fork near Clarke’s mouth. “Come on Clarkey, you know you want breakfast, I can hear your stomach growling from here.” Raven taunts and when she turns around with a grin and an empty fork Lexa knows that Clarke’s hunger won out over sleep. “Alright, I’ll go make sure the ravenous hordes out there didn’t finish all the pancakes off. I can’t make any promises about the bacon though.” 

 

She makes an exaggerated show of leaving, making sure to smash any and all parts of their bodies possible in an effort to shove herself up and out of the tent. Lexa rolls her eyes and once her body is free from the weight of Raven she unzips the sleeping bag and sits up. 

 

“Those pancakes are fucking great,” Clarke says sleepily and wipes some syrup from her lip.

 

“Lincoln has a way with the griddle,” Lexa smirks. “Let’s get out there before we miss out. I’m starving.”

 

Clarke and Lexa sidle up to the picnic table and plate their food. Raven wasn’t lying about the ravenous hordes, there’s barely any eggs left and only a few pancakes. Clarke snags the last piece of bacon just as Lexa moves to take it. Lexa juts out her lip and puts on the biggest pair of puppy-dog-eyes she can muster in response, fluttering her eyelashes to really send the look home. 

 

“Nuh-uh, not gonna work. Snooze you lose Woods,” Clarke says shaking her head a little before chomping down on the strip.  

 

Challenge accepted Lexa thinks and while Clarke turns to scoop eggs on her plate, Lexa leans forward in one, swift fluid motion and eats the piece of bacon right from Clarke’s fingers. Clarke’s gasps and her mouth hangs open in disbelief as she looks from her empty fingers to Lexa’s mouth and back again. Lexa happily munches on the crispy bacon strip. 

 

“Snooze you lose Griff,” Lexa says, looking smug.

  
“Ohhhhh no, no, no. No you did not. You know what? You and me? We’re gonna go.” Clarke puts her plate down and rolls up the sleeves of her hoodie before putting her dukes up playfully.  

 

Lexa smirks at her adorable girlfriend, finding it hilarious that Clarke thinks it’s even remotely possible that she could take her, even in a fake fight. She licks her lips and sets her own plate down. 

 

“You think this is a good idea?” Lexa says, circling her girlfriend. “You do realize I teach this for a living…”

 

“You don’t get between a girl and her bacon,” Clarke says, hopping back and forth on her feet like a boxer and jabbing the air. A ridiculously tiny, very, very cute and not at all intimidating boxer. 

 

“Fight, fight, fight!” shouts a voice by the campfire and Lexa glances over to see Jasper and Monty chanting in unison. 

 

Clarke uses Lexa’s distraction to land a double jab to Lexa’s side and stomach, complete with kung-fu sound effects. As Lexa looks back she’s caught off guard by a light slap to her cheek. Now it’s Lexa’s turn to stare at Clarke, mouth agape. 

 

“Did you just...slap me?” 

 

“Bet they don’t teach you those sick moves in Krav Maga.” Clarke says seriously, bobbing her head and bouncing to the left and right even though Lexa isn’t trying to take any punches. 

 

Lexa grins but quickly replaces it with her intimidating face. Her “in-control” face. Her “I could kill you in my sleep” face and she can tell it’s working because Clarke’s smile falters slightly and her eyes widen a little bit as Lexa encroaches. Lexa moves forward and lightly punches Clarke’s arm and Clarke makes a stern pouty face. Lexa winks. They go back and forth, exchanging half-hearted blows and jabs, ducks and dives and Lexa gets a kick out of this. She realizes that she’s never been with someone like this before - where they can be playful and not take things too seriously. Where they understand each other wordlessly and read each other’s minds. And it’s not until this moment that Lexa realizes Clarke is more than just her love, she’s her best friend too.  

 

“Give it up Griffin, you’re no match for me.” 

 

Lexa makes a move to kick at Clarke’s calf, but Clarke swipes Lexa’s leg out from under her and Lexa actually falls to the dirt, completely taken off guard. In a second Clarke is on top of her, grabbing Lexa’s arms, folding them across her chest and sitting on them so Lexa is pinned. 

 

“Booyah! Bested by an amateur!”

 

“Where the hell did that come from?” Lexa asks, totally shocked but also really turned on. 

 

“Seems like your lessons have been paying off Clarke,” Anya says nonchalantly while strolling past them to throw her plate away. 

 

“You’re taking fighting lessons with Anya?!” Lexa exclaims, still pinned under Clarke’s butt.

 

“Anya’s class schedule fits better with my schedule than yours does,” Clarke shrugs and bends down to kiss Lexa and despite how offended Lexa might be at the moment, Clarke’s lips are decidedly distracting. “Now apologizes for eating my bacon.” Clarke says against Lexa’s lips as she pulls back slightly. 

 

Lexa huffs and her pride won’t let her apologize. Instead, she chases Clarke’s lips and even bites down on the bottom one, her only defense mechanism she has left. Clarke hums against her mouth, momentarily distracted, but regains her focus and pokes a finger at the ticklish spot in Lexa’s side and Lexa squirms. 

 

“Apologize for eating my bacon!” 

 

Lexa shakes her head no. Clarke pokes again and again and finally Lexa can’t handle it. 

 

“Okay! Alright, alright! Stop, stop, I’m sorry I ate your bacon!” 

 

“Apology accepted.” Clarke says, beaming and bends down to kiss Lexa one more time.

 

“You guys just make out in front of everyone now, huh? You’re worse than O and Lincoln.” Raven walks up to them, eating a piece of bacon. 

 

“Where the fuck did you get that bacon?” Lexa shouts. 

 

“Oh this? I have a whole plate over there by the fire. Was going to say something but watching Clarke knock you on your ass was way more fun,” she says, chewing obnoxiously and waving the bacon around as she talks. 

The rest of breakfast consists of Raven attempting to get answers about their impending excursion. Lincoln and Anya just blatantly ignore her efforts as everyone gets ready. Pretty soon they are all packed up and headed out. 

 

About hour into the hike and Raven seems to have made it her personal mission to annoy Lincoln and Anya into telling her where they are going. Anya looks like she will snap at any moment and Lexa thinks that Raven has caught on to that because for the last thirty minutes she’s turned her attention solely onto Lincoln and Lexa thinks he has the patience of a saint.

 

“Are we there yet?”

“Linky, where are we going?”

“Are we there yet?”

“There better be unicorns at the end of this hike, that’s all I’m saying.”

“Are we there yet?”

“Linc, my man, what’s at the end of the yellow brick road?”

“Are we there yet?”

“Lincoln, are your cankles killing you? Cuz mine are killing me right now, wish I knew how much longer I had to walk.”

“Are we there yet?”

“Lincoln, has anyone ever told you that your ass looks really good in those cargo pants? Not many people make cargo pants look good. Anyway, where are we headed?”

“Are we there yet?”

“Yo, Linc, I don’t know if you heard me, but how much longer?”

 

“Two hours.” Lincoln replies. 

 

Lincoln’s answer has been “two hours” every time she asks and this time Raven groans exaggeratedly and throws her hands up. 

 

“This is probably a clever way to lead us to our untimely deaths. We’re all really about to be chopped up into tiny pieces and buried in a remote area of the woods and I’m the only one who cares! I always knew I’d get murdered by tree folk. My mama told me to never trust people this outdoorsy.” Raven laments. 

 

“If you don’t shut your mouth I think one of them will shut it for you.” Lexa warns her.

 

“Yeah, my bet is on the pretty, murderous looking one.” Clarke mentions, walking up beside the both of them and nodding at Anya.

 

“Mmm, speaking of that, you wanna explain what’s going on there? And why I’m just finding out about this now? You know Anya is practically my sister, you didn’t think to mention you were sleeping with her?”

 

Raven freezes. Like deadass stops walking. Eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights. Octavia runs right into her. 

 

“Raven what the fuck?” Octavia asks as she stumbles backward.

 

“Raven was just about to explain how Anya and her hooked up. Weren’t you Rae?” Clarke grins and tightens her grip on to her backpack straps in anticipation. 

 

“Everything okay back there?” Lincoln calls out. 

 

“Yeah babe, we’re good! We’re just going to take miss chatty Kathy to the back of this train to give you guys some peace,” Octavia yells back. 

 

Lexa is pretty sure she sees relief in Lincoln’s eyes. They let Monty and Jasper pass them and gain some distance before all three of them turn to Raven and stare her down. 

 

“Spill.” Octavia says. 

 

Raven’s arms are folded and she looks back and forth between all of them, a defiant look in her eye at first. When none of them relent she finally sighs and puts her hands up in defeat. 

 

“Okay fine! I’m sleeping with Anya.”

 

“Newsflash Rae, we already fucking know that. I saw your ass the other day at the gym!” Octavia grimaces at the memory. 

 

“That was you! I knew it! I  _ knew  _ someone walked in. I thought I heard the door but I couldn’t be sure.”

 

“Well, it was me and that is the last time I ever attempt to ask Anya about ordering new water aerobics equipment ever again. I’m scarred for life.”

 

“How did this even start?” Lexa asks, totally dumbfounded. 

 

“Ugh, I didn’t want to tell you guys because I knew I’d get the third degree.”

 

“No shit, of course you are, now you’ve got some explaining to do.” Octavia wags a finger at her. 

 

Raven sticks her tongue out at Octavia and glances at Clarke and Lexa. “So, it all started at the poker night -” she begins. 

 

“Wait what?” Clarke asks. 

 

“But you slept with Bellamy at the poker night!” Octavia says accusingly. 

 

“Yeah, what are you talking about? Anya wasn’t at the poker night.” Lexa says.

 

“Actually, Anya did show up after you left,” Octavia confirms. 

 

“Huh? Anya went to Bellamy’s?”

 

“I’m confused,” Clarke says. 

 

“Will you all shut the fuck up and let me craft my story?” Raven says with a hint of exasperation. 

 

They all stop talking and continue walking up the path, with Raven in the middle, as she explains in agonizing detail the events of the night. 

 

“So, this was well after miss can’t-handle-her-liquor here got wasted and Lexa took her home all chivalrously and whatnot. I’m really sad you missed this because I issued an epic take-down of Bellamy on the second to last hand. Bluffed the shit out of him, he didn’t see it coming at all. Had him thinking I had a straight when all I had a pair of twos!” Raven practically screeches, amped up from reliving such a thrill. 

 

“A pair of twos?!” Clarke asks with mock enthusiasm that Raven doesn’t really pick up on.

“A pair of two’s Clarke! Just a couple of deuces. He had Jack’s and he folded! The pot I won took nearly all his stack, it totally crippled him. He went all in for the next hand out of necessity and I beat him easily. So naturally, I was riding a winner’s high, Octavia can attest to that.” 

 

“Yeah, that part is true. You know, you aren’t a very gracious winner.” Octavia adds.

 

“Tell me why again I should I be gracious about that?”

 

“This is a great story Raven but I fail to see how this poker victory has anything to do with Anya…” Lexa says, trying to steer the conversation back on topic.

 

“Patience. Patience young one,” Raven says while gently caressing Lexa’s cheek. 

 

“Get to the point!” she says and jerks her cheek from Raven’s palm. 

 

“Hey, according to Linky-loo up there we still have two hours until we reach our destination and there are several more plot points I’d like to hit.” Raven explains and counts on her fingers. 

 

“Can I murder her? I would like to murder her. Does she have any family?” Octavia murmurs to Clarke. 

 

“I’m not sure, but I think you should let her live. After all, she  _ is  _ sleeping with the scariest person on the planet.”

 

“She’s not that scary.” Lexa and Raven say in unison and Raven’s eye widen a little as she looks at Lexa. 

 

Lexa is suddenly aware that Raven looks a little scared of her right now, what with Anya practically being her sister that makes sense. Lexa thinks she should probably exploit that fact to get the answers she wants much more quickly but Octavia sighs dramatically and tells Raven to continue. 

 

“Alright, thank you. So after I crushed Bellamy at poker I made everyone do a round of shots with me.”

 

“That’s false. First she did a round of shots by herself, meaning she poured everyone a shot and then did them all, literally by herself. She even took Bellamy’s straight out of his hand and spilled it all over him. Then she made everyone do an actual round of shots with her. And she made Bellamy take doubles because when he invited her he ‘doubled his chances of losing’.” Octavia butts in. 

 

“True, but back to  _ my  _ story...just as we were cheers-ing my victory-”

 

“Just as she was cheers-ing her victory for the third time.” Octavia corrects. 

 

“Quit interrupting me! Just as we were cheers-ing my victory someone knocks on the apartment door.”

 

“Anya.” Clarke assumes. 

 

“No! It was the pizza and wings I ordered when we took that first break, which honestly was about fucking time, you know? Like, they advertise thirty minutes  or less and that was easily forty-five to sixty. Really, if you think about it I should have gotten that pizza for free but since I was all hyped up I let it slide -”

 

“Raven!” All three of them say in unison. 

 

“Right okay, so the pizza gets delivered and I get back on the table…”

 

“ _ On _ the table?” Clarke asks and Octavia rolls her eyes and nods. 

 

“So I’m about halfway through my victory speech when there’s another knock on the door and Bellamy opens it and Anya walks in. She hears part of my victory speech and gathers that she’s too late and that the game is over, takes a look around and realizes you aren’t there,” She says pointing at Lexa. “And you can tell she immediately regrets showing up and starts to back out the door almost as quickly as she comes in. I’ve got like five shots in me at this point so I hop down from the table, introduce myself as Raven, The Champion, and tell her that she now that she’s there she has to stay and do a celebratory shot with me.”

 

“She actually stayed?” Lexa asks, bewildered, because that doesn’t seem like Anya. 

 

“Octavia helped me convince her and by the time O was even done talking I had put a shot in Anya’s hand.” Raven explains. 

 

“I made her stay and take the shot,” Octavia admits. “She needs to get out more. The gym is her practically her whole life so I told her to live a little. We all got pretty drunk, it was really fun actually. Once Monty was sure Jasper was going to be alright he came back out and played some music he’s been working on. Raven even got Anya to dance with her, which was a shocker, but what I’m missing is the connection between you, my brother, and Anya. Oh...oh my god, did you have a threesome with my brother?!” Octavia screams at Raven.

 

“Ew no, I didn’t even sleep with Bellamy.”

 

“You didn’t? But I saw you the next morning, you were still at his apartment.”

 

“Will you just let me finish my story? I'm getting there. So after a while we are all pretty much wasted. Monty passed out on the chair in the living room. Jasper was still passed out in the bathroom. O and Lincoln looked like they were literally about to have sex on the couch, because they have even less control over their hormones with alcohol in their system so Bellamy kicked them out and called them an Uber. He shakes my hand, congratulates me on a noble victory, and tells Anya and I that he’s going to bed, but offers that we can crash in his spare bedroom if we want and then disappears.”

 

“So you didn’t sleep with Bellamy.” Octavia repeats. 

 

“No, that’s what I’m saying.”

 

“What about you and Anya?” Clarke asks.

 

“We just...talked.”

 

“You talked?” Lexa asks incredulously. 

 

“Yeah. It was really nice actually. We left the living room because of Monty’s snoring is epicly loud and just sat on Bellamy’s spare bed and talked until like three in the morning. We actually have a lot more in common than I thought we would and it was crazy how fast time flew by.”

 

“So...you didn’t sleep with her?” 

 

“No, we just talked about stupid shit for awhile and she spent a lot of time laughing at me because I was pretty drunk and still pretty pumped about winning. Then I sobered up a bit as time went on and we talked about our lives and eventually we got into some heavier stuff and after awhile we fell asleep.”

 

“Huh.” Lexa says. She really hadn’t expected that. 

 

“And then what?” Clarke asks and Lexa can tell she’s on the edge of her seat. Lexa knows Clarke is a sucker for love stories and what they thought might just be casual between Anya and Raven now seems to have implications that actual feelings are involved. 

 

“We woke up a few hours later and she said she had to get to the gym but she told me she hadn’t had that much fun in a long time and she thanked me for inviting her to stay. She told me she usually doesn’t connect with someone so easily and she seemed really shy saying it and I couldn’t believe I found her so intimidating before. And I didn’t really know what to say back because my brain was running a thousand miles a minute so I just decided to kiss her.”

 

Lexa watches as Clarke’s eyes light up and she claps her hands together giddily. 

 

“Calm down Princess, it was just a kiss.” Raven says but Lexa can see her blushing a bit. 

 

“I need more details, what did Anya do? What happened next?” Clarke squeals.

 

“I don’t really know what came over me. I had never kissed a girl before. I’ve always appreciated beautiful women but I’ve never acted on any of that before. With Anya there was this...spark. I can’t describe it, but the feeling caught me off guard. This... _ need _ to kiss her. So I just went for it. Maybe I was still riding my high from the poker game but I was feeling oddly confident and Anya is really fucking pretty too. Do you realize how hot she is? And long story short we ended up having a steamy make-out in Bellamy’s spare bedroom before she left. Like, a really, really hot make out. I went back to sleep after she left because you gym freaks wake up ridiculously early.” Raven says, directing her attention to Lexa. “When I did get up to leave I ran into O and she just assumed I had spent the night with Bellamy because at that point no one else was there. Monty and Jasper had gone home at some point while I was sleeping and I just went with it because I couldn’t even believe I had just made out with a chick, let alone Anya.”

 

“That makes sense,” Clarke agrees. 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Lexa asks, a little hurt. She felt like her friendship with Raven involved more trust. 

 

“I just needed some time to process all this without the third degree from you guys.  So when I saw you two later and you guys assumed I slept with Bellamy I just kept the lie going. I started spending more time with Anya and it just felt really nice. It felt good that it was so easy. I’ve never clicked with someone like that before, never gotten butterflies in my stomach, never been excited to see someone or get a text. I thought all you guys and your relationships were disgusting and then I turned into you both. I like Anya, a lot actually. We aren’t just sleeping together. I don’t really know exactly what is happening but I do know that I want whatever it is to keep happening.”

 

Octavia seems to be in the same stunned silence that Lexa is in. She’s trying to wrap her mind around it all, finding it hard to comprehend that loud, outspoken Raven somehow fits with sullen, stoic Anya. She sees, after some thought, how the two of them could potentially bring out the hidden qualities within each other. How Anya had seemed more patient and friendly to her clients over the last few weeks. She seemed to be delegating more tasks to other people rather than doing it all herself too. She thinks about how Raven finally seemed motivated to complete her workouts and had inspiration to finish the projects she had left unfinished. Or how Raven seemed a little more responsible and measured than she had before. Lexa had noticed these subtleties but hadn’t given much thought to the reasons why. 

 

“Earth to commander Lexa, come back to the ground.” Raven says in a radio voice that she’s taken to using when Lexa zones out. “Are you plotting all the ways you’re going to kill me for banging your best friend slash almost-sister?”

 

Lexa smiles at her friend. “Have you told her any of this? How you feel?”

 

“Kind of. Sort of….a little bit. I just don’t want her to think I’m too clingy or anything. I don’t want to ruin it.” Raven looks a little somber now and slightly anxious. 

 

“You should talk to her about it. I don’t know why it took me so long to catch on to you guys, but now that I see it I think she feels the same way about you.”

 

“You think so?” 

 

Lexa nods and there’s a sparkle in Raven’s eye. Lexa’s heart warms at the thought that Raven might be in love with Anya, even if she doesn’t know it. Lexa looks over at Clarke who has a dopey grin on her face like she just watched a live-action Nicholas Sparks movie. The four of them keep trekking along the pathway in silence before Octavia speaks up again. 

 

“So...how’s the sex?” 

 

“Oh my god, fucking phenomenal, let me tell you about it.”

 

“Please don’t.” Lexa says firmly. 

 

Raven doesn’t saying anything more but nods her head up and down, mouths some things to Octavia along with some hand gestures that Lexa is glad she doesn’t see. The four of them get closer to the group and once Raven is within shouting distance, she screams at Lincoln, who is still at the front of the line, leading the pack. 

 

“LINCOLN WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE GOING?!” 

 

The entire group flinches at her shout. Birds screech and fly out of nearby trees. Lexa thinks she sees pebbles in the dirt move from the sheer vibration on her scream. Anya turns around angrily and the four of them.  

 

“For fuck’s sake! If you want to know so badly just ask Lexa!” Anya shouts back.   

 

Raven’s eyes widen and she slowly turns to face Lexa. Lexa looks anywhere but at Raven, pretending she didn’t hear Anya sell her out. 

 

“You  _ knew.  _ This whole time, you fucking  _ knew  _ and you didn’t say anything?!” Raven asks, offense dripping from every word. 

 

Lexa grimaces but admits it. Raven looks at her expectantly, waiting for her to explain. 

 

“I’m not going to spoil it,” Lexa says. 

 

“Ugh, you freaking mountain people are killing me. Would you mind telling me how much longer I have to walk then?”

 

“Two hours,” Lexa says with a wide grin. 

**Author's Note:**

> come speak to me on tumblr - @ioverthoughtthis


End file.
